Moving away from father

[jm2015]

State is NC.  We have a 20 month old son.  Husband decided he wanted to separate because he is "unhappy".  He doesn't have any intention of trying to reconcile even though I would like to.  Right now he is seeing son 1 a week in the evening for about 1hr, every other Saturday for about 7hrs and every Sunday for about 4hrs.  He has was staying with a friend but now has his own apartment.  I am in the process of selling our house because I can't afford it and once I sell I feel that I will have to move back in to my parents house who live 4.5hrs away.  Husband does not help financially right now and honestly I don't see how he can in the future if he wants to live out on his own. (does not make a lot of money)  No matter what I think 1 of us will have to live with our parents.  I'm just looking for advice on how to go about this and how it is going to affect our son.  I am willing to do every other weekends with his dad plus holidays and to me that is what a judge would probably order as well. 

[tigger]

Document what he's doing now.  Frequency, length, etc.  No overnights?  His choice or yours?  Does he know you're selling the house? 

The 4.5 hours away, is that still within NC state lines?  I'm in NC (Wake County) the rules are you have to file where you've lived for the past 6 months so moving 4.5 hours away, you won't be able to file until you've lived there for 6 months. 

Also, not sure if it was just Wake Co or if it was statewide but mediation was required for custody establishment or changes before going in front of a judge.  If that's the case and he files before you do (or before you're able to with the move) you'll be required to return to the current county for every mediation session.  In our case, we would come to an agreement but they don't let you sign that day.  You have to think about it and come back to sign a few days later.  We went three full sessions (plus the "signing day").  He wouldn't show up for the signing.  He was just trying to make things difficult for me because he knew it was hard for me to get off work and I had to burn vacation days to do it.  Not nice.  The mediator finally caught on to what he was doing so I wasn't required to show up for the fourth signing day and further mediation requests by him were denied.

Standard around here was (not sure if it's changed since my kids have aged out of the system) every other weekend (EOW), midweek dinner, two weeks during the summer, holidays rotated every year.  I read someone else's order and realized that one parent had EVERY holiday (except Thanksgiving) during the year.  In other words, Dad would have everything one year and then Mom would have all holidays the following year.  Seemed unfair.  So what we did was alternate the holidays within the year AND alternate years.  So Dad had Memorial Day, Mom had Easter, Dad had 4th of July, Mom had Labor Day, Dad had Thanksgiving, Mom had Christmas (19th through 2 p.m. Christmas Day) Dad had New Year's (2 p.m. Christmas Day through 6 p.m. New Years Day).  Dad insisted Halloween be included though I didn't celebrate it so it's tossed in there as well but I didn't include alternate it among the holidays.  I think it matched Thanksgiving.  Also, Dad had Father's Day weekend, Mom had Mother's Day weekend. 

[jm2015]

I would be moving out of state.  He hasn't had any overnights because he didn't have his own place he was staying with a friend.  He does know I'm selling, he actually signed the deed over to me so I can sell on my own.  I would like to agree to the move and visitation schedule outside of courts considering neither of us have the money to go.  I don't even want to take child support from him because I know he couldn't afford it and he could use that money to travel to see his son on the weekends I don't come back to nc.  So technically if he wanted I would be fine with him seeing him every weekend.

[Kitty C.]

Some things to keep in mind...so you're not surprised if it does happen.  Since you are the one looking to move away, it's possible the courts may require you to pay all or part of transportation costs regarding visitation.  And, depending on who you get for a judge, they may say you're free to go, but the kids have to stay...unless the father agrees to the move.  Regarding CS, if you have to turn to state aid for assistance with the kids, the state WILL go after the father for CS. There may be variations from state to state, but it's highly likely some version of this will come into play when state assistance is requested.

[MixedBag]

ok, since the other ones didn't have responses....let's stick to this thread and I'm removing the other ones.

[jm2015]

Husband and I talked and he has agreed to let me move to GA.  Both of us agree we do not want to go to court on any of this.  Are there forms or templates that I can print out for his signature of approval of the move and we also want to type up a separation agreement that we both sign just so we both know what we are going to do.

[jm2015]

Any suggestions?

[MixedBag]

there are several parenting plans on this site to get you two started on what should be outlined.

We're not attorneys....so procedurally, you're gonna have to go to your local county courthouse to see if they have their own set of forms that they will require in an uncontested situation.