should I or should I not file for custody?

[balleros]

My son is almost 4 and as of now, I have a child support court order but not custody. I was never married to the father and father is married. My son has my last name.
I have an open door policy with bio dad but he does not use it.He lives 60 miles away and he has driven to see his son just once, three months after he was born and ONLY because it was cheaper to get a DNA test that he bought and not a court ordered one. he has seen his son  maybe another 4 times but ONLY because I was near his location and he agreed to a 5 minute "visitation".
His wife had an attorney sent me a letter to put boundaries right away and her attorney asked that no calls are done at home and that I can only contact his husband directly on her phone.So basically it has been very clear that there is no involvement.
I would love for the situation to be different but this is how it is.
so what is the point of filing for custody? shall I do it? shall I leave things as they are?

[MixedBag]

I think you have defacto custody as the Mom if you're not married to the dad.

AND you are the primary residential parent if receiving CS and that's in an order.

Not sure what else you should be looking for after that.

Also not sure you wanna rock the boat.

[ocean]

I agree, you already have custody as you were not married, receiving child support and child is with you.
Look at you child support papers closely, you may even have the wording in those papers (residential parent? primary parent, custodial parent?  all mean you).

No real reason to contact them anymore so leave it all alone and go on with your life. If anything needs to be changed money wise, file in court and he will be served. If you need him for anything, send it registered mail with HIS signature so he must sign for it without the new wife. If he has a lawyer now, you can go through the lawyer but really if he doesn't want to communicate, want visitation, you can not force them to be parents.

[Davy]

 
In my strong but humble opinion I believe it is best for the child that "custody of the child" be formalized via a court order naming the father just like it names the mother and the child's birth certificate carries his last name.  It is best for the protection of the child now and in the future and even extends to his children.  There are many reasons.

Further, an attorney (officer of the court) or another spouse can not restrain parents in any way without just cause and a legitimate judical process.  Defacto custody is for the party providing primary responsible care  of children.  Likewise a support order and marital status does not determine parentage..... wait a minute .... some states tags the mother's husband as the father absent DNA.

[Waylon]

In my strong but humble opinion I believe it is best for the child that "custody of the child" be formalized via a court order naming the father just like it names the mother and the child's birth certificate carries his last name.  It is best for the protection of the child now and in the future and even extends to his children.  There are many reasons.

Agreed. This is not the kind of thing you want to be undefined.

It may not seem like a big deal now, but in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years...you'll wish you'd done this.

[SDConover]

You should consult a child custody lawyer regarding this situation.

[Gordonmrobinson]

You need to consult with with a custody attorney regarding this case.

[KyleCClark]

Sorry to hear about you. I know this is painful. But before doing anything its better if you consult a lawyer having that kind of specialization. This is a very sensitive time. So its better to discuss the case with an attorney. You can try this as a way out from your problem. Good luck.