figuring out a reasonable visitation schedule...

[dada2fish]

My son's father refuses to work with me to make a visitation schedule. He refuses to tell me his work schedule at his new job he started 6 months ago.

My son looks forward to time spent with his dad and I have cancelled my own plans or changed my schedule at times so my son can see him.

This separation has been difficult for my son and he has witnessed arguments and tension solely because I'm left hanging day by day on whether dad is working or not and if he will spend time with our son.

I've spent this past summer unable to make any significant plans because of everything being "up in the air" with Dad's schedule.

Part of me thinks my ex is being vague with his schedule so it will be nearly impossible for me to plan a social life of my own since the only timely my son is not with me is when he's with his dad.

After yet another argument about visitation he tells me that he is "on call" on this job. He never knows day to day when, if and how long he is working. This is the first I've heard of this "on call" status and I'm not sure I believe it.

I have not yet file for child support, but I plan to in the next couple weeks since my ex has never paid financially for our son's care since day one. My son has always lived in my home(s) and I've financially provided for him 99% of the time.

I've heard that I can request mediation through the courts to come up with a documented and agreed upon visitation schedule. Is his "on call" schedule something the court would expect me to work around or is that considered unreasonable by parenting standards?

Is it unrealistic to expect to hold down an "on call" job while trying to co-parent?

It's causing undo stress with me and especially my son. Whenever he asks when can he see his dad, I can never give him a specific answer. Many times we are home waiting for Dad's planned phone call or pickup and it never comes,because he "ended up working later than he thought."

I don't want to put his job in jeopardy, but I'm calling BS on his crazy schedule. Am I being unreasonable and should I just be happy he's FINALLY working a job or is he being unreasonable with refusing to come up with some consistency in our son's life when it comes to visitation?

[ocean]

How old is child?
Do not stop you life for him. Has he taken any overnight visits yet?
Court will give a set schedule and if he works then he needs to get a babysitter just like you would. You can ask that if he needs a babysitter longer than 2 hours he must call you first if you are not working.

[MixedBag]

What kind of work does dad do?

[dada2fish]

Sorry for the long delayed answer. My son is 5 years old and just started kindergarten. His school is conveniently located directly across the street from my house. His father has rarely taken any overnight visits.

When it does happen it usually goes like this: Dad will pick him up on a Saturday or Sunday and will tell me he will drop him off in "a couple hours" or "later" or something vague.When I press for a specific time, he will get upset and start an argument and say, "I'll call you to let you know". Then, as evening time approaches, he will call and tell me he is too tired to drop him off so he will just spend the night. It's a control thing and when I try to get specific answers he starts an argument in from of our son who ends up getting upset.

As of this time, I have filed with Child Support and I'm just waiting for my claim to get approved. I have said to my sons dad that this isn't working and maybe it's best if the government intervenes. Then he really freaks out like he thinks he shouldn't be financially providing. He truly believes he is doing all he's supposed to do as a Dad and no matter how much I tell him he is not, he won't listen, but when he gets a court date and needs to provide proof that he's paying for our son's care he will not be able to.

[MixedBag]

What kind of work does dad do?

Remember -- YOU can't make the other parent BE a parent. 

Personally, when I had custody....and if the other side wanted to return the child early, that's on them and I'd be damned sure I'd be able to accept an early return.   However, if you wanna plan "mom's time alone" -- that's understandable too -- and see if you can have a back up plan ready.  Your "life" doesn't revolve around dad -- true, but it does around the child.....so figure out a balance and NO don't let dad control, but YES, be there for the child. 

Like do you have a parent or friend that could be your back up?

[ocean]

File a visitation/parenting plan in family court near you.
This way the schedule is written and if he shows up then you know when child is supposed to be home. If he brings home child late, then you file contempt of court for not following court order.