Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Feb 21, 2024, 08:00:02 AM

Login with username, password and session length

court date on Wed and 4 custody and bio dad sent this: HELP!!!

Started by balleros, Jan 10, 2016, 02:58:36 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

balleros

I posted a day ago about what to expect at a court hearing for custody.Right  after my post, I received a text from bio father asking me to cancel my petition for sole custody or to postpone it as he can't make it (he has to work). He didn't show to the mediation appointment also because of work.I work too and I took time off for the mediation appointment and I was planning on taking time off for the court date.
He does not want court to decide on sole custody or not and he wants "us" to talk. My son is 4 1/2 and I have been giving this man opportunities to talk since I was pregnant and opportunities to spend time with his son. My first response to his text was "I will think about it but I don't think I can cancel with two day notice".I thought I Had to go and show up and ask to postpone it. Bio father kept engaging in texting all weekend and he keeps saying he will change things around etc etc.
it was nerve-racking. I ended up saying that today.I told him I was very disappointed and I was not sure what I was going to do. His last text said that if I postpone the date or go ahead with court, he will stop handling things personally and he will send an attorney to all hearing and have "no personal involvement".
I am getting child support but this was my first time filing for custody and granting him visitation (that he never used). he spent less than an hour in 4 1/2 years with my son.he only made the effort of "visiting" him because he wanted to swab him for a DNA test.
My options now are :
1. not show up and forget about this and continue to receive child support.My kid has my last name so it doesn't affect me much
2. show up on Wednesday and see what the judge says.
3. show up on wed and ask to postpone it
4.Any other option?

For now, I have decided not to respond to any other text from father
I would LOVE any input as I doubt I can take time off on Monday or Tuesday to see an attorney since court date is Wed

ocean

You have a few options:
1. Go to court on Wed and they will postpone it if he is not there. They will not hold a full hearing without him there especially if he calls the court or sends a lawyer.
2. Go to court any day up to  and including Wed and drop the case and leave it alone. You have what you want now.
3. Go to court on Wed, have judge see he is a no show, but dad may send lawyer or get one for the next date. If he does, he very well may get his act together enough to start visits and then get every other weekend, weeks in summer, half holidays.

Really depends on WHY you did this petition. You have sole custody since you were not married and getting child support. It is up to him to change it.

balleros

so you think I can drop this last petition (the custody) but keep the child support that has been established since 2011?
I do want to keep that
I am open to visitation and the way I filed was "supervised visitation on Sunday to establish a bond"

ocean

Yes, child support order is different then custody order. If you drop the petition the child support order stays the same.
You can write what you want in the petition but the judge will decide what will go in the order. Depending on what dad wants and if he has a lawyer will help decide what the order will be. If dad wants to establish time, the courts will do a few supervised visits (maybe) but quickly move to a few hours by himself and work up from there to the every other weekend (if he has bed for child). He does not need a bedroom for child, just bed and can live with roommates/parents. If there is a reason you wanted custody, you can put that in the petition ex. sign passport paperwork (requires both parents). Other than that, you really do not need his signature on most of things....you can sign him up for school, go to dr, okay a surgery........  IF dad comes around and wants to see child, you both can come up with a schedule outside of court, if you agree, fine, leave the courts out of it. If you dont agree, then he would file in court to get some court ordered time.
Good luck!

MixedBag

I guess what strikes me is that you can't force a parent who is unwilling to BE a parent....


balleros

Mixed bag...I know.That's why I filed so that he can be free

ocean

He is free now by not seeing child but most states will not let child support drop unless a step parent is ready to adopt the child. This way if you have to go in state assistance , the state has two parents to collect from.

MixedBag

What Ocean said -- because there is no court order defining your child's time with dad....and dad isn't even trying.  So you can't hold/ask the court to hold dad in contempt.

In your answer you said you filed for supervised to establish a bond....I really think that's a mute or not a point you should make.  Dad should ask/want time, and then you two figure out what's best.  At THAT point, say "Hey, I know you wouldn't want ME there, but I'd like it to be supervised, so how about we start with this idea and see where it goes."