Need a change of custody

[Aberoth]

Hey I'm looking for some help before i go forth with a lawyer, me and my ex (never married) have a 4 year old in ohio and split time with her 50/50 during the week but she has full custody, i pay child support, insurance, and for her private school. We have a good relationship as co parents so im kind of hesitant to go back to court but the past year and a half she has been a mess.

She has forgot to follow up at doctors appointments for important shots, she misses dentist. and doctors appointments frequently, as well as behavioral therapy sessions that our daughter needs. She has been late to school alot and she only goes 3 days a week, the school has made remarks about her hygiene and dress attire on days her mom takes her, she lets her watch walking dead and other inappropriate shows.

She brings new boyfriends in and out of her life, and now has a 20 yr old girl whose pregnant whom she worked with but barely knows  living in my daughters room and using her bed and my daughter has to sleep in her moms bed every night, she has had a few utilities turned off and her cell phone, and has been seeing her own psy hologist or psychiatrist not sure which dor her own mental health issues, also she has had over 6-7 jobs in 3 years and is always unemployed, and i have viven her money to help and food!!

Sorry i know thats a big jumble of problems but i feel she needs time to get her life together and let me and my wife take over and have full custody, we both have good jobs and live in a nice stable environment, so my question is do i have a chance with all that said to get full custody? Thanks for your time

[tigger]

I've never been in this situation so if others give you different advice, I would listen to them. 

If there's no immediate danger for the child, I would try to increase the time you have first.  Document everything, showing a pattern of condition of the child with mom vs you.  Document missed appointments, missed school, hygiene, sleep patterns, etc. 

Mom may be grateful for the opportunity to get her life back together.  On the other hand she may feel threatened by the stepmom and fear you are trying to steal her child from her.  Only you know her well enough to predict which response is likely if you take this court. Either way, the safety, well-being and future of the child should be the deciding factor.

[ocean]

Going to be a hard sell in family court without anyone calling CPS. When schools say those things, tell them they are mandatory reporters and if they feel child is neglected on mom's days they must call. The bed issue is a CPS issue so maybe text mom "It has come to my attention that xx does not sleep in her own bed since xx moved in. XX needs her own bed/space. If you need xx to sleep here more often, I am willing to help out until you can get her own bed again. Please let me know".  The courts will give her time/items to fix these things so you will be spending money on a a few hearings and then a trial- thousands of dollars. Any lawyer who can promise you custody is not telling you the truth and it takes a few times in court at the very least to get to a trial.

Mom has sole custody now? Exactly what does it say in your court papers. Most doctors will not even ask about custody if you say you are the father so what if you told mom you will take care of all future medical/dental appointments so she gets them on time especially for school in the fall. Will she fight that ?

You can go back and ask that it be switched to joint legal custody as mother is missing medical appointments and get your address for school purposes for Kindergarten.

Also can tell mom that you are willing to keep child more if she needs to, just ask. Keep asking every so often for extra days, extra overnight. See what happens.

[Aberoth]

Yes she has sole custody, we went to a mediator and hashed out the time spent and agreed to bot fight her for full custody at that time because of the split time spent and thought i wouldnt get joint or full custody.

I take my daughter extra time (1-2 day a week) almost every week and have been for 3 out of the 4 years of my kids life.

One of the main reasons i want full custody is the difference in parenting, at her moms ahe is treated as a friend and can do anything she wants then comes to our house and it takes a day or so for her to get back into our routine, by no means are we disciplinarians but we have structure for her.

As for the appointments we have already taken over most if we can, but theres times when we can only get her in on days her mom has her, we live about 20 minutes away from each other ao theres no way she'd ever let her go to a school by us since thatd mean she'd have to drive her 2-3 days a week once she gets to kindergarten, so i pay for her togo to a private school down the street from her since the public school district she lives in has terrible schools, we'd love to be able to send her to our public schools. Idk just frustrating seeing my daughter be raised like trash.

Also affraid if we call csb or have the school do it she'll figure it out and yank her from that school because she'll know they called and get worried, her grandma has already made the comment that the school will call csb if she keeps sending her to that school. Thanks for the help any other comments would be appreciated

[ocean]

Changing parenting styles is hard and not a court matter.

What is your goal for school next year? If you start paying Kindergarten as private school , you may be on the hook to pay all through her schooling.

The bed issue is the main issue I see now, so if you can address that and get it changed it is a win for child. If not, that can be reason for more overnights. Courts go by overnights. You can try for change of custody but risk the 50/50 you already have. Maybe before you pay for Kindergarten (if you choose) you can have her sign a modification written by lawyer that child will go to that school only until BOTH parents agree to a change. This way she can not threaten to pull child out and you can give court order to school so they will not allow her records to transfer to a new school if mom gets angry next year.

Why would grandma say that if mom is not doing anything wrong? If money is not an issue, maybe make a deal that if you can put her in public school by you , you will save $$ so will give her a little more in child support instead. She can have child from Fri after school until Monday mornings....or something like that....?  Of offer to drive her to school from her house one day a week on her day....

[Aberoth]

My goal is for my daughter to not have to go to school dirty and late all the time, and get appropriate care from her mother, but since i dont see any of that happening and believe me ive tried to make suggestions. I dont  see how its in her best interest to be neglected and subjected to the downward spiral her mother is going thru. Her grandma realizes her daughter isn't properly caring for our daughter is why she mentioned that. I'm  fine with her remaining in private school, but it seems dumb if she cant even get her there on time . Her mother is close to getting evicted and her car repoed, i dont want my kidnto go thru that thinking its normal when we can provide a stable environmwnt.

[ocean]

Family court will not care about absences in pre-school and in my state Kindergarten is highly recommended but also not mandatory so even if a child is signed up, the school can not call CPS for educational /absences until first grade.

Maybe you can gently remind the school that they are mandatory reporters. Can give school extra clothes if they need to change her.

It is very hard to prove neglect and change in custody. Just being honest and save you a ton of money. If you have 50/50 nights and you think you have enough proof, they you can go for residential custody for school now for Kindergarten. This will give you custody or make mom do the right thing as she is being watched for a while. You can have a GAL assigned for child so that person will go see both homes and talk to judge. Some GAL's are good, others not so much. So it really depends on how bad child's home life is with mom. Courts will try very hard in most areas to keep child with mother and give her many opportunities to do the right thing all while you are paying a lawyer and months go by. Will mom go to family counseling or co-parenting class with you?