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Update on court

Started by dipper, Feb 28, 2016, 05:59:36 PM

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I had asked for some assistance on a show cause and I appreciated your responses.  As you all may remember, I had felt our custody attorney was a whimp.  What I discovered last week was the man was smarter than I had thought - I wish he had explained things to us from the beginning, but he did know what he was doing by pushing the agreement.  Judges just simply do not want to hear it all - they have already heard it all a thousand times before.

I had copies of pictures, texts, medical documents in triplicate - in separate folders for each issue.   I had audio and video recordings.  I got to show one paper document - that was it.  I felt the judge was rude and it really got me flustered.   Overall, his ruling was fair.   I think he can see through BS a mile away.   The one thing I did not like most of all was that when I presented what I had brought as show cause, he stopped me and gave her chances to question us.   When she presented - she yammered on and on and even gave her mother the floor to speak and her mother even talked about her feelings - how she felt less respected as a grandmother than I am as a stepgrandmother.  I was never given one opportunity to question anything and I had sat there and lined up documents to prove their inaccuracies about conversations.   

But...having said that I did get to speak up about them saying I did not bring the child to an exchange when the mother was released from the hospital.   Other than that....he got after all of us for being there so soon after signing our agreement.  He told me that if I take child to the doctor, to make sure the mother was put down on forms - but he looked at none of my papers because he said, "I am not saying you did anything wrong, I just want to make sure you do so."   For the mother - he told her that if there was one thing he did know for certain, she did violate the order not bring the child to exchanges.  If she could have friends pick child up, she needed someone to bring child back and if she could not do so, then she is to forfeit her visitation time from now on.   (she has transportation now).  He told them to be on time and to be at the exchanges.  As for DMV Clearance -she does have it, and she had stated it was her personal information - he told her that DMV states she has to continuously get clearances and she is to show us the clearance each time....and if she does not get it, her mother is to transport child.   He also told her as far as pictures of her friend driving with her and child in the car while posting to snapchat, screenshots, and then to FB - that is not to happen again, and that her friend's boobs hanging out in the picture with the child in the backseat were completely inappropriate.

As for the mother starting tense conversations at exchanges and during our calls - nothing he can do because it is not noted in the order.  My custody attorney had told me that it was not necessary as that was standard - you don't do it.  However, standard or not, you can also do nothing about it.

Anyway, was a very eye-opening experience.  And I have to say - while I was very frustrated with the process, I also found it freeing.   Now I know I don't have to obsess trying to collect evidence.  It doesn't matter....don't sweat the small stuff.....


So that was a win?  Congratulations. Perhaps she and her mother will behave themselves - at least for a while.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!


best  wishes....

I too had loads of documentation and at first the judge didn't want to read through the novel...

but I kept documenting....so I encourage you too to keep documenting....don't let up on that.

Later, during another round, that documentation really helped.  Not every single piece of paper, but one in particular.


I did not feel like a winner because the entire thing had me feeling so disrespected.  However, he obviously did not believe anything they said and did not even have me provide my evidence to show my side.   He dismissed both sides without prejudice - which I never anticipated he would actually provide any consequences this first time.   

I think I am more in-tune with documenting what is important and not being as fanatical about it...if that makes sense.  I have stopped recording every phone call!   Even though he cannot enforce not talking business in front of the child, I feel it is inappropriate and refuse to do so.  I think that type of thing would be useful in a custody case. 


How about the judge didn't NEED to ask you questions because he could already see the writing on the wall without your help.

The biggest thing IMHO that swayed my three judges to make their decisions in my favor was how HE behaved in court....I really needed to learn to keep a poker face (after getting my a$$ chewed) but he did himself in and STILL doesn't get it today.


I think he did see what was really going on just by what they were saying.  The grandmother contradicted herself - saying that she called me and that I said yada yada - with quite a tone to her...then at the end of her statement said she had the text in the car on her cell phone.   Also said she never denied me the right to talk to child, yet she answered the mother's phone and even though she did not say "NO" she did not let me speak to child.   

I was speaking to the judge and the grandmother interrupted asking me questions and I answered her - the judge told us it was not a show of Judge Judy!   Yeah...got to work on only answering the judge, looking straight forward or down.