home study done and a few Q's

[greatdad2]

okay here's the deal i've been fighting with my ex that i never married about custody and parenting time with our son, my wife and i moved two states away for work, and when i moved she started to limit contact and would not let him come and visit, so we just got the home study done and the report suggested that we share joint custody and she have primary physical and i get my parenting time this christmas and two weeks out of the summer until he's done with 1st grade and then my time will increase. i'm happy that i went from no parenting time to at least something. one of the big issues is that she was trying to convince our son that her new husband is his dad and encouraging him to call him dad, that all came out in the home study as well as her limiting contact with me. the home study evaluator suggested that our son do not call her husband dad, but the evaluator did not think she was trying to alienate him. also now that she got the home study report she hasn't been picking up the phone when i call so i can talk with my son. she also is moves constantly and is in and out of her parents house, i don't understand how this can be considered a home base for my son or stable for that matter. we have court in a few months for the judge to decide the final decision, should i bring up her recent actions of not picking up the phone and moving again, and do you think because of this and what the home study said about her limiting contact, will the judge decide to give me more time?

[mistoffolees]

Do you have an attorney? I would discuss it with him.

If that's not possible, I would present the facts in as straightforward a manner as possible. Do NOT assume things you can't prove.

For example:
BAD:
"my ex won't pick up the phone" (how do you know that? Maybe she wasn't home)

GOOD:
"I called at 7 pm September 12 and asked her to call so I could speak to my son. She did not do so" (repeat as many times as necessary)

BAD:
"my ex keeps moving around"

GOOD:
"my ex has given me the following addresses and these are the dates I was given the information. As you can see, there have been 7 address changes in the past 6 months"

BAD:
"my ex is alienating me"

GOOD:
"my son told me on June 6, July 7, etc that he was instructed to call his stepfather 'Dad' and the home study confirmed this"

Bottom line is that unless there's some other issue, some time at Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer is not very much.

I would prepare a list of exactly what you think is fair (be reasonable!) and present it to the judge. For example:

2 weeks in the summer
1 week at Christmas, with you getting Christmas day on alternate years
School holidays of 4 days or more

In addition, add the other items you would like to see added like:
"neither parent may encourage son to call their step parents 'dad' or 'mom'"
"each parent is entitled to talk with son at least x times per week. If son is not available, the parent he is with must call the other parent back within 48 hours"
etc.

[greatdad2]

We do have an attorney, but they're not the greatest. I actually have more parenting time. It is alternate holidays, and it's week at Christmas, two weeks in the summer at my home, as well as two weeks in his home state. The evaluator did say that I should go out there for the shorter breaks (ie Thanksgiving) After 1st grade he'll get to spend his spring break here as well and half of his summer break. Part of the reason why they suggested this is because he is so young. I thought that it was pretty reasonable considering the basic visitation guidelines and the distance between us now, but am I wrong?  Do you think that's not reasonable? Of course for me I would love to have my son all the time, but I'm so happy to finally have something. See since I moved his mother limited my contact. When we lived closer I had him every other weekend and some times during the week and I didn't have any access problems. Also, I have been keeping a journal of the times that she has allowed me to speak with him and when she allows me to see him, as well as any issues that we may have. I started keeping it a few years ago just because I knew that it would probably lead up to this one day.  Thank you for your input!

[mistoffolees]

>We do have an attorney, but they're not the greatest. I
>actually have more parenting time. It is alternate holidays,
>and it's week at Christmas, two weeks in the summer at my
>home, as well as two weeks in his home state. The evaluator
>did say that I should go out there for the shorter breaks (ie
>Thanksgiving) After 1st grade he'll get to spend his spring
>break here as well and half of his summer break. Part of the
>reason why they suggested this is because he is so young. I
>thought that it was pretty reasonable considering the basic
>visitation guidelines and the distance between us now, but am
>I wrong?  Do you think that's not reasonable?

That's more reasonable. You originally only mentioned some time and Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer - which would have been unreasonable. You've got a lot more than your original post mentioned.

Only you can decide if you're happy with what you have.

[greatdad2]

Thanks for your input. Of course there is never enough time in the world when it comes to spending time with my children!