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Seeking guidance, Mom without custody

Started by threelittlebirds, May 30, 2016, 11:07:26 AM

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Question: I need legal assistance but not sure on how to take the first step.
Situation: Mom without custody in Florida / Father with custody in New York

Believe me this is the short version of my story. I'm sorry if it's a lot. This is the first time I am letting it out.

Long story short(er): Mom, two sons, my older son is from a previous relationship. Our son was born in Florida. Relocated to New York when he was two. Lived in New York for almost 4 years and I decided to leave the escalating abusive relationship with my children back to Florida. Made an agreement with his father to go by airplane two weeks (same vacation time every year) from the date I left with my oldest son in my car. Bought the plane ticket, and after the hardest last days of planning ("escaping") I drove strait to Florida to my parents. After arriving and the realization that I left, the Father filed for sole custody.

Me leaving with hardly anything and now being in Florida and not having the cooperation of his father on ANYTHING, I was appointed a court appointed attorney and he hired a lawyer. I traveled back and forth, wrote countless emails, phone conferences, pictures, and thoroughly defended everything to make the lawyers job seamless. I lost after a year or so of fighting and I cried more that day that any day in my life. I still don't get it.

I never did drugs or drink. I worked and was there for my children everyday. I didn't party. I actually wasn't allowed to have friends or go out. I think you guys know where I am going with this and you can guess how my relationship was. Going to work, clocking in, keeping tabs, no internet on my phone, emails monitored, millions of questions and acquisitions, monitored my bank and took my debit card, took my metro card, broke many phones, radios, took away internet cables... list goes on for about 6 years. The biggest issue of this whole scenario of living without my youngest son (who was in Kindergarten at the time) is that my oldest (in third grade) was verbally abused by him and outcasted from him. He treated him differently from the beginning and was cold to him and was always mad and making fun on him and making it known he was a different race. He always told me there was something wrong with him and made him feel stupid and I would defend him (my oldest). This would lead into many fights and abuse with me. I NEVER did not defend either one of my kids- and this was the biggest reason why I left. My son, who is now 10 is finally diagnosed with ADHD and Aspergers syndrome. He has always been very smart, but he gets overwhelmed in crowds and has sensory issues that I never understood when he was younger- everyone just told me he was bad and manipulative and would always ignore him and just, neglect him. They didn't want him around and therefore, didn't want him around his little brother. He couldn't play with his toys and they treated him like he was disgusting because he was not organized and thought like everyone else in the house. His little brother started to be mean and treat him unfairly. I constantly fought for equality in the house and just wanted a normal family without everyone having to always be separated. I went to therapy for a short time until he realized that it wasn't only for my oldest son- it was for me, the kids- and then I tried to involve him. I mentioned his anger and our issues and I wasn't allowed to go again.

My focus on my family and trying to make our living situation, vacations, and just memories were a complete failure. Yes, I was not perfect in this. There were arguments and I did finally fight back. My relationship issues were totally different than me being a stable mother who can provide everything for my son. I am not saying that he cannot either, but there are many reasons why I can't give up on this.

It's been four years since I left. Yes, a very long time. Every day is a struggle and I went from one dark situation to another without being able to mentally heal. I haven't gotten help because I've been afraid that it would show that I am not stable to have custody. Yes, I realize it's stupid to think that now but keep in mind this man put the fear in me. I've also had issues in Florida with my parents. I didn't find a job that easy and when I did, there were complications and I wound up starting my own company. In the past four years, I've hyper focused on building my own job because I couldn't find one and take care of my family. I have now been living in the same house for two years, my oldest son has been in the same school (A&B honor roll, won science fair 2 years in a row- I am very involved), I have doubled my salary, and I am exhausted.

I've fought and I am still having to prove myself of what this man has made the court believe I was not because he took away that power of me providing and being independent while I was with him. I am still very hurt and sad because I can't wake up to both of my boys everyday but I am finally seeking a way to maybe finally have them and know that my son will grow up with his mom and brother too. His dad really need to be evaluated and his past life decisions and the way he treats people (and women) is not something I want my son to be. It's my worse fear. I just don't want this to happen.