atty ad litem.

[John-J-Jay]

ex is asking the court for an attorney ad litem. has anyone on this board ever used one? If so what are their roles and purpose? is there any advantage to one parent or the other having one?

[ocean]

She is probably asking that they appoint a lawyer for the children involved. This person will talk to the kids and represent the kids ...not either parent.

[MixedBag]

I was thinking the same -- Guardian Ad Litem.

One more bill to pay.

And this person is supposed to speak on behalf of the children.

I've seen it go both ways....good and bad.

[John-J-Jay]

what do the ad litem's look for? if they are speaking on behlaf of the child does that mean the child gets to voice who they want to live with and it holds substance in court?

[MixedBag]

never dealt with one in any of the 3 divorces I've had to deal with.

search the site on "Guardian Ad Litem"

Yes, they speak for the kids...

as to the voice?

I would think age factors in there.

[gemini3]

What they're supposed to be looking for are the factors your state considers to be in the child's "best interest".  What they are actually looking for depends entirely on who you end up with.

I would ask your attorney for advice on who is assigned to your case.  Your attorney should, hopefully, have experience in dealing with this person and can give you direction on what's important to to them.  

[escape2paradise]

A GAL(guardian ad litem) investigates both parties, talks to both parents, the child and to references given by each party.  They will look into criminal history, investigate allegations made by both parties etc..Since your X is making false allegations, I think a GAL is exactly what you want.  They get to know you and the other party and spend time getting to the real dynamics of the situation.  If your child wants to live with you, the GAL will express this to the court.  It does not mean that the GAL will recommend what the child wants to the court.  The GAL is there to determine what is in the best interest of the child and will give their recommendation to the court based on the best interest factor.  

I have followed your postings and you have a very strong case.  You have status quo and that is HUGE!  Unless there is some significant change in your circumstances or the GAL finds you to be alienating your daughter from her mother, you will likely retain custody.  I understand you are worried and want reassurance that you will prevail here, but you also come across on this board as being a little needy and unsure of yourself.  Do not show this same behavior to the GAL.  You need to show the GAL that you 1. Have a stable and loving home for your child. 2.  That the child has done well in your care.  3. That you believe it is in your child's best interest that she have a loving close relationship with her mom and that you have and will do what you can to foster that relationship.  3.  Discuss any allegations made by your X as frankly as you can to the GAL and tell the truth about each.  4.  You can let the GAL know that the false allegations are disturbing, but that you are confident that the truth will prevail and you have nothing to hide.  5.  If you have made mistakes, admit them and explain how you learned and will not repeat the same mistakes.  6. Do not obsessively call or contact the GAL, this will make you look like a paranoid person and that you are trying a little to hard.  7. Check out the info here on Sparc there are some really informative articles on GAL's.

I am in a similar situation to yours, my daughter is 13 and after my raising her by myself her whole life, the X thinks it should be his turn.  I know the uncertainty and that you are scared.  This is hard.  We have a GAL in our case and I will tell you she is smart.  Most GAL's have seen it and heard it all and they are pretty smart about figuring out what is going on.  Hang in there!

[gemini3]

I know everyone's experience is different, but our experience with a GAL was not good.  The guy spent less than 4 hours total interviewing the parties involved - this means with my husband and I, with my husbands ex and her husband, and the kids.  Less than an hour per person.  He played the sides against each other - saying negative stuff to us about the other parties (ie: "they look like a couple of pot smoking hippies"), and allegedly to the other parties about us.  He did not investigate the accusations that were made, including false allegations of abuse, nor did he even bother to interview the kids counselors, teachers, etc.  He did not take the time to read the information that was given to him.  Then he told the court that the kids "seemed to be doing ok", and so he couldn't make a recommendation one way or another.

I know what GAL's are "supposed" to do.  However, just like everything else, there are good one's and bad ones.  That's why I suggest getting as much information about the GAL as possible from people who have had experience with him/her.  This person has a lot of power over the outcome of the case, and it's very, very important to get a good one.