Joint Custody with ex husband primary caretaker

[trecker]

Just needing some help here. My divorce became final in 10/2006. We have joint custody with my ex husband as primary caretaker. We have four children ages 9,7,5,3. In our decree it states Utah is the home state of the children, etc. Well first of all my 3 year old daughter never lived with him, she always stayed with me. Well my ex moved to washington state right after the divorce which is over a thousand miles away. He never notified the court with notice of relocation either. I didn't change anything then because for about the first six months either I went there or he came to utah every month for visits. Then three months after he moved he let my 5 year old come and live with me. Then the month after he came for xmas, and I was upset since he was leaving early to go see his girlfriend, he asked my two older boys who they wanted to live with my oldest said he wanted to stay with me. My ex literally threw my sons things out of his car and didin't even say goodbye. My ex later regretted that and wanted me to put my 8 year old on a plane I said no. Anyway to jump ahead this past summer he had the kids visiting with him the first part of the summer, I told him I did not want the children to be apart anymore, and told him I wanted all of them living with me. When he brought them back to me this summer he said he decided to let me have them and to sign them up for school. All of the children have lived with me since July and there father maybe called them once every other week, and never saw them in the past 5-6 months. My ex wanted to come and get them for thanksgiving. When he came he was served papers to change the original order. He literally took one of my children's hands out of mine and ran to his car, the other children were already inside, and locked all of the doors. My littlest ones were crying and he did not let me say goodbye to them. My ex said if I called the police he would never bring the children back. He knew I was calling the police, whom did not do anything to help me. Since we have joint custody. He left without my oldest sons clothing, none of the kids jackets, and my oldest sons medication for adhd and antibiotics for two of the other children. The police at least phoned him to tell him I was very concerned because the children did not have there medication. He said he would get it later. He was supposed to have them back the following week for school. He called me and said he was not bringing them back. So they are now living with him and his wife at her parents house. My lawyer says I have to wait until he responds to the service of change of orders. He said everything is stacking up against him. My lawyer said to keep asking for my weekends, etc. My ex says that is void since he lives in another state. My heart is breaking for my children. They finally have had some stability, they are in therapy, school, activities, etc. And their father just went and took all that away from them. Is there anything I can do right now. I miss my children terribly.

[Giggles]

and your children!!  What a nightmare for them.  I pray that you are able to re-gain custody but with the way the family court is so wishy washy it's hard to say!!  You do have some really good things going for you...I don't see why your atty didn't file for an emergency hearing???  That could have at least gotten you Temp custody and he would have to return them immediately or face parental kidnapping charges.  Eventhough he has custody on paper, you have proof that they are in your custody soo...I would keep pushing for an emergency hearing!!  The longer he has them, and a full custody case could take months and months, by then he's established "status Quo" and the Judge may order for them to stay....

Good luck!!

[spinner]

I might be jumping to conclusion BUT could it be that he is scared of paying child support for 4 kids ?

If so, why not give him the option of comming to an agreement where he would not have to pay you child support?

If a parent wants to be the primary caregiver but does not give the care that much that usually means he worries of child support.

just my 2 cents

[spinner]

I might be jumping to conclusion BUT could it be that he is scared of paying child support for 4 kids ?

If so, why not give him the option of comming to an agreement where he would not have to pay you child support?

If a parent wants to be the primary caregiver but does not give the care that much that usually means he worries of child support.

just my 2 cents

[trecker]

Yes you are definately right. He was fine with our arrangement until I wanted to make it legal. It is so stressful

[spinner]

you can still make it legal but take child support out of the equation.

Maybe you can call him and tell him, listen, money is not of the escense to me all I want is our kids here, what if we come up to a plan where you do not pay me any child support ever and you have visitation whenever you want ?

see what he says.

He will be suspicious, tell him he can write the order however he wants to word that he'd never pay you child support.

[williaer]

Why should she do that? He is the one in the wrong...should she reward that behavior by saying...ok, I'll do whatever you want- if you just bring the kids back- heck no!

I'm a stepparent. We have 50-50 custody and pay CS...so believe me- this isn't coming from a reciever...

They need to go through the court- get this sorted out and establish a fair order for support. Why SHOULDN'T he help to raise his children...he helped to make them.