child activities during the other parents time

[sunbarbie]

I always ask the other parent via email before giving any answer to the child or even tell the child that I'm asking for the request. 

Non Custodial parent question, would you consider doing something with your child wants to do during your time? ie social event at school?  When I talk to other non custodials friends of mine, they don't see this as an inconvenience or unreasonable.

Thank you for the read!

[MixedBag]

I think that it really depends on the relationship you have with the other parent.

My EX#2 used extracurricular activities to reduce my time with our son......and you can guess that didn't sit well with me.  he couldn't understand the "child focused" concept....  Our son raced BMX and I was "forbidden" to come and see him type of thing.  Never gave me scouts information.

SO...I did what I could do but also as the NCM, I should be able to do things I wanted to with our son .... I wanted to me Mom during our time.

Add to my situation, I was 12 hours away.....so even if it meant a scout activity, I had to plan to make it happen because I had to other kids here.

So it's a careful balance.

My middle daughter is a stepmom.....and she really gets along with the Mom.  Why?  because they focus on whats good for the child.....and don't EXCLUDE each other.  Heck Bio-Mom came over to middle daughter's (she's stepmom) home for stepmom's child's birthday.....  I know all confusing....but these two mom's get along because they focus on the child and understand that the marriage that produced the child is over.

[sunbarbie]

I wish I had that relationship.  I have invited ex and his wife and family to activities, I stopped inviting since they brought up in court as a flaw, I had no other agenda except to have fun for the child.  He created the distance and has step kids, wife (about 1.5hrs)   I ended up taking her to the activity, he canceled his time.  We had fun.  No worries. 

I thought  to let him know she wanted to go,  him to take her to social activity to see her school during his time with the child,  see art up on the wall, meet friends and other parents.  I was wrong.  Doesn't seem to bug the child he didn't go and canceled his time, so that is good.

Thank you for the post, i try to be considerate of his time with his family.

[MixedBag]

Remember this.....you can't change him (or SM) or control him, or nothing.

The order controls your relationship and interaction with him (and SM).

You can control what you do -- so do what you feel comfortable with and keep doing what you do so that you can look in the mirror and KNOW that you did right by your child. 

When you filter your thoughts to "What's good for the child?"  Excluding the other side is hardly ever the answer.

So the nitpick....is that child focused or you focused?  Whatever.....ya know?

[sunbarbie]

Exactly! The child does not seem to be bothered by her father canceling his time and me taking her to stuff.   

[sunbarbie]

I am child focused, I follow the court docs but I like help tho too, No harm asking,  if he cancels or says no, thankfully it doesnt bother the child, I take her.   

[itsalluphillfromhere]

Here is a saying I have on my screen saver and office wall:
"life is made up of Moments - Moments create days  - Days create Months- Months create Years - Years create Life -  Lose the moment lose life!

What this means to me as it relates to my children is to focus on making as many memorable moments with my kids as I can.  My ex constantly tells me that the children don't want to spend time with me because they want to spend time with their friends.   I know for a fact that this is not the truth as every time I am with them we do something really fun such as going camping,  mountain biking, rock climbing, or adventures such as going to the local Asian supermarket picking out the strangest ingredient and making it.  I also make sure to include their friends in some of our activities, for example, tomorrow after school we are taking one of their friend's mountain biking with us. 

My ex. schedules events on my time often.  Even threatening to bring me to court if I don't bring them to a soccer game etc.  I make sure to be as involved in those activities as possible.  She does not tell me about any events I simply figure out who the coach is and ask to be included on e-mail strings etc. 

What memorable moments do you make with your child?