X is seriously Detaching from our kids

[Giggles]

Just many people come here with the misconception that Family Law should be equal and fair.  It's FAR from that.  It takes a while to see just how much Family Law can be skewed.  Often times "the best interest of the child" isn't even considered and the one thing I've learned is that he with the most $$ wins.

Most of us that post on these boards have been around for quite some time..I'm going on my 11th year.  Thankfully, my situation has become quite peaceful, but it wasn't always that way.  I stick around to help out where I can.

Read, listen and learn...it can be quite facinating around here.

[greatdad]

>Re "I hope they can work out a good parenting arrangement
>when they break up"... What am I basing my opinion on?:    
>Part wild guess & part the foundation that their relationship
>seems to be built on.  Like you said, rebound & an attempt at
>a replacement family.  It just sounds too desperate, & she
>sounds too messed up.  I would love to be wrong.  
>
>I don't know what state you or she lives in.  Some states
>actively encourage joint custody; some don't.  If they do
>break up wouldn't it be nice if they could agree on joint
>custody & maintain it.  

Frankly, I could care less what or if they come to an agreement.It's not my child, not my wife and not my concern.
>
>Meanwhile, custody or not, I hope she can get a sense of
>responsibility with her first two kids.  Of more immediate
>concern... I hope she can handle the 5 weeks this summer... &
>that the summer draws the kids & their mom closer together.  
>

She gave her 1st child to her parents when it was 1 year old, she was 18 at the time, she never took any responsiblity for her. As far as the children she and I had together, past is prologue I think. As far as the 2 week and 3 week summer period....I share the concern, as with a new baby, a guy who is unlikely to marry her ( she thinks he will), and the responsibility to attend a 4 yr old boy and 7 yr old girl ( our children), it will be challenging.My cheif concern is that X and her mother are very vengeful and place my children in the middle.Not much I can do though, except damage control.

>The subject of custody battles is a very emotionally charged
>one.  I can't believe I zero'd in on it for my first blogging
>experience.  I wonder if I should find something mellower like
>interior decorating or how to cook meatloaf without onions or
>something.

Your profile say's your Male, but ( no offense intended) you give me a sense that your female...are you ?
What brings you here...are you one of us, or just curious ???

[chaucer]

Thank you for the encouraging words Giggles... 11 years!!!  I didn't even know how to use the internet 11 years ago.

I'm female, born & raised.  I admit I chose the name Chaucer (my dog's name) to try to neutralize my gender, but I never knowingly checked any box saying I was male.  I just now went into my profile changed it to female, & I can tell you I have never been in that screen before.  Maybe the default is male.

I have never been in a custody battle (thank God), but I've been exposed to a lot of the fall-out from them.  My first experience was as a 14 year-old when my mom & dad announced they were getting divorced.  I was the oldest of four children.  The other kids were too young to have any say about custody, but I was of age to decide... Ya know how judges like to keep the kids together???  Well, what that means is that a 14-year-old gets to pick which parent gets custody of 4 kids!  Oh Boy!!!  I got attention like I'd never gotten before.

I also got to experience what "visitation" is like in a tiny 1-bedroom apartment with four kids sitting around the coffee table "visiting" with a depressed mom who felt betrayed.  After almost a year mom & dad decided to give it another go, so things worked out OK.  But that "choice" remained a part of me... & of my relationship with my mom.

As an adult my main experience has been as an observer & confidante of friends in horrible custody battles & of parents losing their relationship with their kids.  My gut's been wrenched a few times.  I started off doing research for others & developed an interest from there.

I've done huge amounts of reading on the subject, from both points of view... & have taken several mediation classes.  I already have a primary career but would like to try volunteer domestic-relations mediation on the side.  I also have another project in mind but there's not enuf space here to start writing about that.

My views are conflicted, but overall I advocate rebuttable presumptions of joint custody; I don't believe in "sole custody" unless one parent is unfit or unless they both agree to it.  On the other hand... as a female I have tremendous emphathy for fit moms of  small children or infants who lose custody.  Sometimes my empathies get in the way of my perspective.

[greatdad]

>Thank you for the encouraging words Giggles... 11 years!!!  I
>didn't even know how to use the internet 11 years ago.
>
>I'm female, born & raised.  I admit I chose the name Chaucer
>(my dog's name) to try to neutralize my gender, but I never
>knowingly checked any box saying I was male.  I just now went
>into my profile changed it to female, & I can tell you I have
>never been in that screen before.  Maybe the default is male.

Sorry, nobody here is going to buy that BS. You would have been better to just admit you were caught and simply made the correction. Your attempt at further deceit is unfortunate. We have all been victims of extreme deceit and the last thing we need is a "poser"  here.
No need for you to further respond to anything I post, go play somewhere else !

>
>
>I have never been in a custody battle (thank God), but I've
>been exposed to a lot of the fall-out from them.  My first
>experience was as a 14 year-old when my mom & dad announced
>they were getting divorced.  I was the oldest of four
>children.  The other kids were too young to have any say about
>custody, but I was of age to decide... Ya know how judges like
>to keep the kids together???  Well, what that means is that a
>14-year-old gets to pick which parent gets custody of 4 kids!
>Oh Boy!!!  I got attention like I'd never gotten before.
>
>I also got to experience what "visitation" is like in a tiny
>1-bedroom apartment with four kids sitting around the coffee
>table "visiting" with a depressed mom who felt betrayed.
>After almost a year mom & dad decided to give it another go,
>so things worked out OK.  But that "choice" remained a part of
>me... & of my relationship with my mom.
>
>As an adult my main experience has been as an observer &
>confidante of friends in horrible custody battles & of parents
>losing their relationship with their kids.  My gut's been
>wrenched a few times.  I started off doing research for others
>& developed an interest from there.
>
>I've done huge amounts of reading on the subject, from both
>points of view... & have taken several mediation classes.  I
>already have a primary career but would like to try volunteer
>domestic-relations mediation on the side.  I also have another
>project in mind but there's not enuf space here to start
>writing about that.
>
>My views are conflicted, but overall I advocate rebuttable
>presumptions of joint custody; I don't believe in "sole
>custody" unless one parent is unfit or unless they both agree
>to it.  On the other hand... as a female I have tremendous
>emphathy for fit moms of  small children or infants who lose
>custody.  Sometimes my empathies get in the way of my
>perspective.