My "Options" were decided FOR me. Advice?

[SparkyZee]

My wife abandoned our marriage after just 6 months. When she left, she was nearly 6 months pregnant. She moved to Utah (2500 miles away). I was robbed of the chance to see my child born, and have missed out on the last 9 months of her life. Her mother refused to give the baby my last name and has repeatedly refused my attempts to provide provisions. It took me 6 months of begging to get THREE pictures of my child. I have sent care packages, and never received Thanks. I have only been to Utah once since the baby was born, and it took the courts for my wife to allow me a visit with the baby.
No support has been assessed yet, but I have sent money per my attorneys suggestion. Of course I want to provide for the baby, but my wife will not make any amends to incorporate ME inot the Baby's life. How is this ever going to work, without hurting the child? Painfully, I offered to relinquish my rights..only because I KNOW from experience how difficult it is to have a parent that is not invited or welcome in your life. Her Mother will poison her against me. My wife will not allow me to reliquish my rights until the Baby is 5 years old or so...or until HER income stabilizes. BINGO.... as the divorce has dragged on..it becomes clear that despite just 6 months of marriage it is all about MONEY. The support is for the BABY...not her income.
I have been involved in a serious relationship, and plan a life with someone that I know I will grow old with. We want to pursue custody. As a Father...and one that has been pushed out of her 9 month long life..This may be impossible. Add to that....she was Born and resides in UTAH!! We have the stable home, 2 incomes, a Stay at home parent (No Day care)!! My still Wife, has had 5 relationships in the past year since leaving me...and I am her second marriage with the SAME result. A Child was produced...and SHE left. Then pursued support/money and moves on to the next guy. I still carry insurance for the wife, HER daughter from a first marriage and My child.... I am doing what I can with little access or invitation inot their lives.
My lawyer...seems second rate. It takes 6 calls to get a return call...and we really want to know if we are chasing our tails in trying to pursue custody. No one WANTS to take a baby from it's mother...but she left me, and took my child....and made the decision FOR ME. I want my child, I can give her a full and stable life. HELP! Advice?

[ocean]

Honestly...custody you will probably never get. You need to file in her county for a parenting plan. Look here and on-line for long distance plans. You can offer to go to her homestate (stay with relatives or a cheap hotel) until child is a little older. Then you can go get her and bring her back by plane or car. You should be able to get a longer summer visit this summer...plan for when child is in school and add all holidays and vacations (look at a school calendar from her area and see what they get off).
It is VERY hard to change an order once it has been signed the first time so go carefully and add everything you can think of now...
good luck!

[SparkyZee]

Thank you for responding. I'm not sure I should have to temorarily move to Utah, anymore than they should have to me closer to me though. I have no family there, and I have a job and Home here in NC. I guess I can do some research on the Parenting Plan. As she is only 9 months old....I'm not sure there are any special school or vacation allowances I'll need to make. She won't be in school for another 5 years.
I guess We can pursue custody, and at least say we gave it our best shot rather than just give up. More and more you ARE seeing Judges side with the Father when he can offer the more stable home. But again, Utah has it's OWN set of rules they live by.
We will still try, knowing that the baby might have a better life with us.
Thank you so much!