Desperate For Answers...Please Help!

[BuckeyeFan]

Hello all.  I am an unmarried father living in Cuyahoga County, OH.  The ex and I have a 5 month old beautiful baby boy.  I've decided I cannot be with her anymore for a variety of reasons.  I'll apologize if this gets rather long but I have a lot to tell.  I would be eternally grateful to all who could help me.

Basically what is going on now is that we broke up a week and a half ago and she is playing games with me.  This all happened the first time back in January when we broke up before.  During the break up argument she decided to scratch me up pretty good so I filed a police report 2 days later.  The prosecutor declined to press charges since it was days later but he put her on a personal probation for 2 years.  This did not go to court at all so I don't know how enforceable what he did was.  He said that if she screws up again he won't hesitate to do whatever he has to do.  

Anyways, after the break up she took our son and refused to let me see him for over a week.  I was devastated and cried myself to sleep every night.  I would text message or email her all the time asking when I could see him but she would start arguments and tell me I ruined the chance of seeing him.  Finally she agreed to let me see him after about a week and a half but she wanted me to come to her mom's(where she was staying) to see him.  I didn't want to do that out of fear of a false accusation of rape or whatever else they might make up for payback.  I told her to meet me at the mall because I wanted it to be a public place.  She agreed and I got to spend 30 minutes with him at a table while she sat there.  Then the B.S. started again and the same thing happened.  After some more time I met her at the mall again and we ended up arguing about some other things.  She took our son out of my mothers hands and told me I wouldn't see him anymore.  I wanted 50/50 everything to be fair(I would love full custody) but she said why should she have to give up her son.  So many more things happened but I won't get into all of them.  

I ended up giving her another shot(only for the baby's sake).  During the next 2 or 3 months we were back living together and trying to make things work.  After about 2 months of arguing I finally convinced her to let me take him to see my parents(1 time).  None of my family had seen him since Christmas.  She was crying the whole time and making a big scene out of me taking him to see his grandparents.  Another bit of info...she HATES my sister.  To make a long story short my sister was going to be our "daycare" but decided it would be too hard with a 3 yr old and a newborn of her own.  She told my ex she would watch him until we found daycare and would still watch him a couple days a week after that.  My ex flipped out and said my sister screwed over our son and that she is never to see him, touch him, talk to him or anything ever again.  Absolutely ridiculous!!!  This is the same sister that helped her through her pregnancy, stayed with us during labor(up until the actual birthing part) and offered to help us out with daycare.

Now a week and a half ago we split again because I couldn't put up with her drama and instability anymore.  Also, I just couldn't forgive her for what she did to me a few months earlier.  So she takes our son again and goes to her moms.  This was a Sunday.  On Tuesday when I got home from work, she was at the apartment getting some things with our son.  She sat down on the couch to start more arguing and was holding our son.  Everywhere I would walk she would turn him away from me.  Did I mention she is 22 years old?  Absolute immaturity.  So everyday I've been sending her text messages asking when I can see him.  Yesterday(Monday) she finally agreed to let me see him but I had to drive to her moms after 6 and before 8:30.  I spent about 30 minutes with him in my car in the driveway.  That was the only way I could spend time with him without her being right next to me.  So today the same thing happens and I spend about 40 minutes with him in the car.  When she comes out to get him I tell her I want him for a whole day and I want to see him more often.  She says she would never do that because she thinks I will take him around my sister(are you kidding me?) and not bring him back.  This has been an ongoing theme with her.  We get into a small argument and she says she's not going to "do me anymore favors" and let me see my son anymore.  Then she said she will see me in court.  She is clearly doing this just to get back at me for the break up and does not have our sons best interests at heart.

Here are some of the things from her past:

In high school(4 years ago), she attempted to overdose on Advil after a boyfriend broke up with her and was admitted to a psych ward for 24 hours.

While 7 months pregnant she attempted to cut her wrists with a big knife.  I found out she was talking to a guy behind my back and planning to meet up with him.  I woke her up with tears in my eyes and asked her about it.  She started saying she couldn't take it anymore and that she is an awful person and then grabbed the knife and went onto our balcony.  I ran out there and tried grabbing the knife but she ran into the bathroom and locked the door.  I heard the water start running so I picked the lock as fast as possible and had to wrestle the knife away from her.  I'm not sure but my guess is that this was an attempt to get attention and deflect the blame from her and get sympathy instead.  I called her OB and told them what happened.

I truly believe she has some sort of personality disorder because she is like 3 different people at various times.

She has lost numerous friends after simple disagreements.  This has been a problem for me too as I have avoided disagreeing with her on most things just to avoid the fight afterwards.  She wouldn't talk to me for a month if I didn't make the first attempt to make things right.  I've NEVER heard her say she was sorry ever.  One of her good friends told her back in January that she didn't think not letting me see our son was right and now my ex hasn't talked to her since that day.

She was fired from her last job a month ago for discussing confidential information with other employees.  Before this she was written up back in October for insubordination.  She did not get along with her bosses at all...trust me I know from the stories I heard every night when she got home.

She told me last week that she was going to use my child support money to get breast implants.

I could literally go on and on for hours of all the things she has done but I've already probably lost most of the readers. Haha!  Basically what I'm looking for is any advice I could get on what I should do and what my chances are of getting more than every other weekend custody of this little boy that means the world to me.  I make more than what qualifies for a court appointed attorney but with bills, rent, etc I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck.  I don't see how I can afford an attorney, my family isn't that well off to help me out.  I keep hearing that I am going to get screwed over because I am a guy and I can't afford an attorney.  I would love to have full custody but I understand my son needs his mother in his life one way or another.  I wish she would see things the same way.  Everyday I'm apart from my little guy it kills me more and more.  

So how uphill is my battle?  Thank you so much for your help:-)

[Sherry1]

Pretty much everything you posted that are from her past are heresay, and she said, he said.  The only way any of this stuff can be used against her is if you have written documentation from police, hospital, etc.

At this time, she is not withholding your child from you.  You don't have a custody order in place and you were never married.  Since you were not married and a custody order is not in place, the child belongs to her and she can do whatever she pleases.

The only way the situation will change is if you get a custody order in place.  You will also more then likely be ordered to have a DNA test performed since you were not married.

There really is only one thing you can do.  Hire a lawyer and have a child custody and child support order put in place.  Beg, borrow, hock something, do whatever you need to do to get a custody order into place.  The longer you wait, the more leverage she will have on being able to limit your custody time.

After the order is put in place, if she denies you your court ordered visitation, then you can start documenting and then you can do something.

IMHO you will NOT be awarded custody of a 5 month old child, not based upon the things you have posted.  The best you can try for is 50/50 custody with joint legal and joint physical.  

[BuckeyeFan]

Well like I said before I would love full custody but I understand a child needs his or her mother in their life.  50/50 is what I wanted from the start as it would be fair to all parties.

What if I told you I had emails and text messages supporting some of these claims?  Not sure how those things hold up in court but I have plenty to back up my argument if they are admissable.  Also, I have a letter she wrote acknowledging the suicide attempt while pregnant.  Unfortunately she left it on my computer in Microsoft Word so I'm sure they could say I wrote it or changed it.  I do have an email where she acknowledges it though.

Something just isn't right when a mother can deny a willing father the right to see his kid.  I know it's the way the system is set up and everything but it just isn't right.  Today was a really bad day for me trying to cope with all the stress and figure out what I need to do.  I feel like there are a hundred things I have to do in a small amount of time and I don't even know where to start.  It's really tough trying to stay positive when your child has been taken from you and you are fighting an uphill battle when you did nothing wrong:-(

I appreciate your response.

[Sherry1]

Hire a lawyer and get a custody order/support order in place.