Custody hearing tomorrow.....

[jzurinsky]

Since my last post....had to take our son to the emergency room. He was vomiting (projectile) and was turning blue. (My wife had told me he had been vomiting since we had started him on food.) Took him to the nearest hospital and of course it wasn't the hospital his doctor was at so my X was really upset.She actually fought with me on the phone when I called her to tell her I was taking him. I wasn't going to drive 20 miles while our son is turning blue. Anyway, once they got him stable they did eventually transfer him and they kept him overnight for observation. Now they couldn't find anything wrong and since he was feeling much better they released him and said we needed to follow up with his doctor. So 4 days later we took him to his doctor and the doctor really made it obvious that my X wasn't listening to him and just feeding him when she wanted and how much she wanted. Our son is 7 months old, weighs 15 lbs and is 26 inches long. Now I know some of you said that isn't that unusual but the doctor said he was the size of a 4 month old. Anyway at the appt the doctor was very upset he said our son should be drinking at least 8 oz of formula (X3 per day) plus 5 oz of food every day. Needless to say she hasn't been doing that. I had been giving him as much as he will want. I believe in feeding on demand. When he wants to eat. So the result was that the doctor said he was lethargic and that he wasn't sure why he was vomiting but to start feeding him on demand and give him more fluids (i.e. water, juice) in between meals. So here is my question.....

We go to court tomorrow for perm. custody/cs. In michigan fathers usually just get standard EOW and 1 day during the week. Unless there is some circumstance that causes the courts to believe the mother is unfit. Well I do believe I am a good father but I do have 2 arrests (cleared off record) that was brought up in FOC meeting so my attorney says that I am lucky to be getting standard so soon. So what I was wondering if I should bring this whole feeding, hospital situation up in court with of course his medical records and see if I can get more than standard? If I did this would postpone to another court date and not sure if this would actually get me more time with him. Or should I just take the standard and run? Right now we are in the process of trying to settle but my X is wanted more child support than what I work. She is willing to start the standard visitation earlier than the recommendation as long as I give her the cs she wants. So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry for the length.

[Kitty C.]

JMo, but this poor excuse for a mother should be reported to DHS/CPS.  What the doctor was trying to tell you is that your baby has what they call 'Failure to Thrive'.  At this age, that means the mother is withholding food from him.  Go back to that doctor and ask him/her if they would be willing to testify in court as to what they have observed with the child, what they have specifically stated to the mother in how she should care for the child, and what their professional opinion of the situation is.  

Do some homework on 'Failure to Thrive'...........depending on the age of the child/infant and what stage of growth they are in, FTT can have life long debilitating effects, both physical and mental.  Ask the doctor/pediatrician if they could recommend a pediatrician who specializes in FTT and try to get an appt. as well, plus their cooperation in testifying.

Also, contact your atty. IMMEDIATELY and inform them of what has transpired as well.  Given that you will need expert testimony regarding all this, you should ask for a continuance of the proceedings scheduled for tomorrow so that you have enough time to assess the situation and get the proper professionals on board.

[Davy]

EXPOSE the mother on the CS black mail issue as well as her medical neglect issue.

Listen to Kitty ... she has great advice/counsel.

[jzurinsky]

Well it is said and done with for now. Of course I just ended up with standard parenting and I only have 50% legal custody!!!! And to top it off I have to pay $300 per month in child support when I only gross $780 because I am on disability. But because I can walk and drive I can go get a 40 hr/wk job somewhere else. Okay with the economy as bad as it is I doubt it and if I did it sure would be significantly less an hour; so I am suppose to work 40 hr/week at a lower pay scale? What purpose does that have?

It is really sad for those children out there born in Michigan that really get effected by the way the mother has all rights!!!

[Giggles]

I just don't understand.  My DS's father does quite well and he only has to pay $275 a month.  Of course his GF is a Michigan Police Officer and this is an interstate case so I wasn't able to attend the CS hearing so who knows what wheels got greased up there.

Sounds like you got hosed.

[jzurinsky]

I am just as confused as you are. And to top it off, I am being forced to stop physical therapy, go to work full time and my employer has already said that if I am working full time he wants to see full time work from me. Which I do understand but if I can't do the work then I will be fired. So then where does that leave her with child support. Either nothing or something much less. The actual amount is $367 minus $80 ( providing medical ins) plus $12 for something else. Which I believe comes to $299. But if I do get behind they will not enforce until jan 09. Then I will be expected to pay $10 per month towards arears. Oh I guess I should be thankful for that. This whole thing is exhausted. What makes it really bad is that she was even willing to start long weekend visitation (not waiting until aug 15 as recommended by FOC) but not negotiate the child support. She lives with her parents making over $2000 per month and I live by myself making $780 per month. My parents are doing what they can to help but they shouldn't be asked to pay for my son. Very frustrating!

[Kitty C.]

Have you done anything about the health of your son?  Have you researched FTT?  Have you talked to the pediatrician who says they counselled the BM on proper nutrution, but feels she is being negligent about it?  Have you talked to anyone with DHS/CPS?

I totally understand your frustration with the CS issue, but that's almost a moot point compared to your son's health.  At his age, FTT can have life-long repercussions, both physically and mentally, and $300 will be a drop in the bucket compared to the medical care this child will need in the future if the FTT issue isn't resolved and soon.

[jzurinsky]

I have been at all the drs appts since this has all started. He has another appt this week friday. I will be talking to the doctor and if our son hasn't thrived then I will be definitely asking more questions. I have spoke with my atty about this issue and he has spoke to her atty and the BM says its because there was an issue with our son going from formula to food. So my atty felt at this time we would just keep an eye on it. I have spoke with the doctor about our sons physical and mental development and what the repercussions will be and as of our last visit he had said he will be keeping an eye on things but gave me some suggestions and what to watch out for. As far as CPS/DHS they have not been contacted as of yet because there is not clear/convincing evidence. I have been told that the doctor (under law) will make a complaint with DHS/CPS. But in the meantime I am definitely keeping a closer eye. And for now it seems as though our son is doing much better. He seems to be a much healthier happier baby!

[Kitty C.]

Oh thank God!  And what you've been told is absolutely right..........if a complaint is made, it certainly should come from the doctor, as it will have a much more profound effect than if you were to make a complaint.  Also, health professionals are mandatory reporters and can get in hot water if they 'don't' report suspected abuse.  DHS/CPS has a tendency to not take complaints from NCP's as seriously as they might from an objective 3rd party.  Coming from an MD, it will have more 'teeth' to it and can give the agency the information they need immediately as to whether it is 'convincing' or not.

[brwneyedmom]

if you're on disability, does SSD kick in for minor children?  And if you earn more money, they'll take away the disability money, right?  So then you'd be fired and getting zip.
I agree, address the failure to thrive medical issues and since your child has access to mom's income, just go into arrears if you have to.  Your child will not be suffering while you don't have the money.  By paying so much in child support, you might qualify for community programs that would help you- call your case manager.