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help with boundaries with NCP:communication issues

Started by balleros, Dec 26, 2018, 06:22:33 AM

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I am posting this here because all NCP has is visitation. But this really belong in the "immature" forum.
My son's father was a ghost for YEARS and within the last 2 months he started contact with me. My son is 7, he doesnt have a phone so all contact has to go through me.
He first texted me through a number that I didn't have on my contact lists and he said "don't use my other number".
I figured he had changed it.
One day I accidentally called the old number and I got to his voicemail so I guess his phone was active. A few days after that, his sister visited us and I she confirmed that the old number was active. I figured he has created a google number or skype number so that his wife would not have access to texts or calls he places. yeah he got married about 5 years ago and I got a letter from her attorney stating that my son can never visit his home. So clearly she knows he has a son. The biggest issue I had with the texts were most of the time non son related such as "have a great day", "good morning" etc.
Anyway, I sent NCP an email saying that we do not accept anymore calls from X number and he can contact me from his regular phone number. It was not a problem for him. He started sending the same type of messages by email and then he started calling but through Facetime which he turns off the video function when we pickup. So obviously, he is still trying to keep his phone activity at hidden level. Does this bother me? of course ! If he can't be mature enough to be open about having a son, why would I even expose my son to it?

NCP is almost 50. This type of behavior is unacceptable.
Am I wrong for wanting proper communication?
If my son can't get the respect he deserves, why bother?

Is there anything I can do about this?


Do not answer any communication unless it is a direct question concerning your child. Text ex that you will answer questions regarding child only. Friendly communication is fine and if he wants to see child without new step-mom so be it. Stay out of it.
Is he now seeing child? Encourage communication and visits and how dad wants to use his visitation is up to him (bringing him home or out to public places instead). It is actually good that son gets 1:1 time with dad and not thrown into a mixed family. Maybe in time things will change.
Keep texting dad about son's activities/school functions as you are co-parenting with him.Good luck!