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how do you learn to deal with NCP's inconsistent contact?

Started by balleros, Oct 18, 2020, 01:12:33 PM

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balleros

My son is 9 and his biological father was 100% absent until he was 8. Then with Covid 19, he started to see him on frequent basis. he was seeing him weekly which is what our visitation agreement say. From March to September, they had started to connect.There was a dead in his family at the end of September and that's when his father stopped visits and contact. I respected his need for space at the beginning. Then I started to get pissed. Anyway, besides therapy, has anyone found a solution to not caring about inconsistent visits?
I mean this is not good for my son but I am in two minds between closing the door and allowing these inconsitencies
tips? ideas?

thanks

ocean

What does the NCP say when you ask if he is coming to get child lately? Maybe offer once a month schedule? First Saturday of each month....can he commit to that? Really have to find out the reasons, back to work? Do not tell child he will be coming each visit so his hopes are not up that he will show up. Tell NCP that if he needs to cancel any visit , you need xx hours unless emergency so you are not talking up the vist, only for him not to show.

balleros

Cancel? cancel what? he never commits to anything...
he has had the same job and although his 2 days off may vary, he always has Sunday off which is his visitation day and if he doesn't have Sunday, he has Saturday.
He has no other kids he needs to spend time with
he just is not quite there I guess
I told him that we had an IEP meeting. He said "I work at that time". i work too but I attended. I said "I can't spend any more money on a Math tutor. he said "I will work with him". he said tat on a Thursday and he was talking about meeting on Saturday or Sunday. Then he changed it to possibly the following week or the week after. C'mon....kids has a need NOW...not whenever he wants

ocean

Then maybe just email him "As you know, your parenting time is every Sunday, but you continually do not show up each week. Please let me know which Sundays you will be available this month and next so I can plan around them. Also, you said you would tutor xx in xx. If you can not commit to a weekly time, I will have to find alternate tutor as xx needs immediate help now as per the CSE meeting on XX."
If he does not respond, second email "I have not heard from you, until I hear from you , I will assume you are not exercising your parenting time. Children need consistency and I do not want to keep telling xx you are coming and then do not show up each week."
Use email or certified letter so you can prove you tried on your end. As we say on this page for many years...you can not force a parent to parent.....