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Fighting my mother for custody of my daughter

Started by stk_agn, Jul 17, 2004, 10:28:06 AM

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This is pretty long and I apologize up front.

My story begins 8 yrs ago when I had my daughter. Her bio dad was in the military, I told him I was pregnant and he left me. Throughout the pregnancy he refused contact with me. After my daughter was born, I showed up at his place of residence unannounced with my daughter, who was 4 weeks old, he was proud of her and showed her off to his friends. Two weeks later I got a call from the Post Commander telling me he went AWOL.

(Now we jump forward 5 yrs)

I had separated from my second husband (due to violence against my children) I was being laid off every 2 weeks from work for over a year, my bills got behind, and I was having difficulty taking care of my 3 children. My first husband took my son because of 2nd hubby. The same day son was taken my mother asked me if I would let her tke care of middle child until I got back n my feet.

I was hesitant about it because I didn't think that my mother would let me have daughter back when I was financially able. She promised me that she would no keep my daughter from me because she was MINE and not hers.

Approximately 8 months after I let my daughter go with her (keep in mind that it was for financial reasons only) I asked for her back. My mother got upset with me and told me that I didn't have my S*** together yet and refused to give her back.During this time my mother applied for guardianship of my daughter and was awarded it.

Throughout 2002, 2003, and 2004 I repeatedly asked for her back and my mother always got mad and yelled at me telling me that my life sucked, i mentally unstable and emotionally unable to care for my daughter still refusing to give her back. My daughter is now 8 yrs old.

In May 2004 I told my mother that I had filed the necessary papers to terminate her guardianship to regain custody of my daughter and a court date was being set. She, in turn, hired an attorney and has filed for de facto custodian.

My mother is brainwashing my daughter telling her that I am a bad mother, that I don't love her, and that I don't want her, and that all I want is child support from the bio dad. (all of which is not true, the bio dad is $7000+ behind and I have not had him put in jail yet.)

My daughter won't come to my house because my mother has told her that if she comes here I won't take her back. She won't let my daughter call me on the phone, daughter won't even stay the night with me.

My mother's health is failing, she refuses to drive and my stepfather does drive but has been driving on a suspended license for the last 5 or so yrs.

My mother has called me asking "How much will it take for me to keep "K"? If you want money I can get you more CS. If you want to claim her on your taxes I will let you. What do I have to do?" (that is word for word from her mouth)

No only do I have to deal with my daughter being brainwashed, but I have to put up with the bribes from my mother.

I have an attorney and a court date set for July 29, 2004. The case is going in front of the DRC (Domestic Relations Commisioner). The DRC in my county in KY refuses to let the parties involved into the courtroom, he is known for putting off making important decisions about a child's well-being because he is "not in a good mood", and he someties refuses to hear any or all evidence

My question(S) is/are,  Does anyone have any advice for me? What do I need to do, what should I bring up in court? What should I NOT bring up in court?

This is no longer a disagreement between my mother and me, it is now a full blown war and I am ready to do whatever it takes to get my daughter back.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story.  Any advice and/or opinions are appreciated.

Thanks again,
A mother who loves her children more than life itself.


Are you keeping good records of your attempts to see your daughter? If you are, be sure to bring those to the courts attention.

"I have an attorney and a court date set for July 29, 2004. The case is going in front of the DRC (Domestic Relations Commisioner). The DRC in my county in KY refuses to let the parties involved into the courtroom, he is known for putting off making important decisions about a child's well-being because he is "not in a good mood", and he someties refuses to hear any or all evidence"

Can you ask that your case be heard by a different judge, due to the above?

If you can, that is exactly what I would do.


I am so sorry to hear your mother is doing this to you and your child. My best friend had this happen to her as well, she let her sister care for her children, her sister in return filed for cs thru the state, filed false claims agianst my friend. Luckily my friend was able to gain custody of her 3 children back with the help of her mom, dad and brother.

I wish  you all the luck.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**


My fiancee' and I got it in front of another judge in District Court (for July 30, 2004) but my mother got a court date in Circuit Court before my date (July 29, 2004).  So my date was cancelled and we have to go with hers. If we don't get the decision that we are looking for our plans are to immediately appeal to a judge  instead of the DRC.

I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow (July 21) to discuss issues that I want brought up. I am taking her a copy of my records (phone calls, attempts to see my daughter, denied time, proof of mental/emotional abuse,,,etc...)

I have asked about the judge bringing up the fact that I am not married, but living with fiancee' and attorney says that this is a small town and the judge won't care about my relationship status.

Attorney doesn't think that the DRC will rule against me which is good news. BUT, if he does we are prepared to take it as far as we need to.

I will keep everyone informed (new developments between now and next Thursday and the outcome.)

Thank you


I went to my attorney's office yesterday to discuss my case.  She told me that since my daughter has been with my mother for more than 6 months, the judge (DRC) was going to automatically award De facto custodian to my mother.

Then another court date would have to be set for a full blown custody battle. She said that the custody battle would be exactly like a bio father and mother fighting for their children.

She said that my mother would have to prove me unfit in order to keep my daughter. (Shouldn't it be the other way around?)

She said that we were going to present all of our motions on the 29th in hopes that the judge will revoke guardianship and return my daughter to me.

The newest information that my attorney seems to think the judge is going to look at hard, is the fact that my mother moved me and my sisters away from my bio dad when we were toddlers. (going against a court order not to move us out of state. She moved us from Mass to Oklahoma) She refused to let us call him and refused to let us talk to him when he called. She rarely ever told us WHEN he called. She kept us from our dad for 7 or 8 years.

Another things she said would help me is if I signed my youngest daughter up for gymnastics (Or other extra activities).

Why would this help me? It doesn't have anything to do with the daughter that my mother has.

I told my attorney if we didn't get the decision that we want (Guardianship terminated) on the 29th we were appealing a real judge (not the DRC) right then and there and we were making sure that the DRC knows what we plan to do.

I have to go to attorney's office again next week before we go to court. I hope to have some better news for my next post/update.

Thank you again for your opinions and advice.


Well, it wasn't what I was hoping for but it will be okay for a few more weeks.

The judge (DRC) gave my mother de facto custodian status,, She has no more say so over my daughter than I do. (I don't have to ask her permission to do anything with my daughter)

I did get standard visitation beginning Friday July 30, 2004 and ending on Sunday August 1, 2004. Transportation to and from my house was split evenly.  I also get her on the Thursdays that I don't have her for the weekend. The judge told my mother to encourage and allow extra visitation, (but I don't see that happening. That will be her way of keeping my daughter from me.)

Another court date is being set, it will be in 4 or 5 weeks. This is when the judge is going to hear all the evidence and witnesses.

I'm thinking that the judge is going to let me have my daughter back because he is already talking about taking my daughter out of the school she is in and moving her to a school where I live.

Hopefully, I will have my daughter back with me for good in a few weeks. Keep your fingers crossed.

Good luck to all the other non-custodial mothers out there trying to get their children back.  Don't ever give up, I know I won't.

Thank you all for the support.


Since the judge said that grandma should allow you extra visitation BE SURE TO KEEP asking grandma and document if and when she denies you extra time.

Good luck

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**


I forgot to mention that we actually got to sit in the court room this time,,

That was a huge thing since we were never allowed in there in the past.

My daughter did come over this past weekend. When I picked her up I asked my mother if I could have her on Tuesday (it would be an extra day for me) she said yes.

When she got here to pick my daughter up on Sunday, I told daughter I would see her on Tuesday, my mother said no she couldn't come over and I would have to wait until Thursday.

Hmmm,,,,, she's not starting off on the right foot is she?  That's good for me! :)

I will keep you posted,, let you know what the final outcome is..

Thanks a bunch guys.