need help with visitation request letter... she's driving me crazy now...

[MixedBag]

I hope you're also pushing to get mediation rescheduled too..

Keep all your documentation.  You never know which piece of paper you'll need.

[doood]

actually, i had the mediator send the case right to court. i kept asking the mediator if there was any way that we could schedule both the mediation and the court date, because i felt that the bm was using the mediation as a delay tactic, and even if she showed up for the next appt, that she wouldn't sign anything anyway. the mediator said that since she'd had the case for so long already, and i didn't feel that we would be able to reach an agreement, she would put in her report that bm refused to show and send it to the judge.

bm's atty is on vacation for another week, at that point i'll start sending the letters to him, along with some proposed parenting plans.

[doood]

if i had any hair left, i'd be pulling it out right now. she completely sidestepped my requests to see my son. here's the exact text of the last paragraph from her letter back to me:

"With regard to visitation, you felt it necessary to manage communications through an attorney.  I was then compelled to retain an attorney.  He is still awaiting information which was requested through your attorney last October.  This has forced continued delays in the court process, which I had hoped would have been settled months ago.  Obviously, this has not been the case.  I look forward to your cooperation so we can get all issues resolved soon.

PBFH"

i don't know where to begin....

"felt it necessary to manage communications through an attorney" this is a complete fabrication.

"still awaiting information which was requested through your attorney last October" more BS... i think she's talking about my tax information from 2000 and 2001, which her attorney requested in december, not october.

"This has forced continued delays in the court process, which I had hoped would have been settled months ago." holy cow.... here is a list of all the delays thus far:
1. mother and son DNA sample - delayed two weeks by BM
2. mediation appointment - first week of october, BM set the appt for dec 8, a two month delay
3. CS hearing oct 17 - delay requested by BM ATTY because he was double booked
4. CS hearing dec 5 - delay requested by my atty, because she was double booked.
5. mediation hearing dec 8 - cancelled by BM mere hours before it was to begin
6. letters to BM dec 12, 23 and jan 2, response postmarked jan 7.


oh my gawd how do i go about responding to this crap????????? it's utter nonsense!!!!!!! this is her modus operandi, lies and half truths through the nose, followed by: "I had hoped [this] would have been settled months ago...  I look forward to your cooperation so we can get all issues resolved soon."

i'm going to write another letter requesting some visitation, this time saying, "saturday or sunday, morning noon or night, whatever works for you" but i don't know how to handle all the BS, whether to simply use a blanket "your letter contained several misrepresentations of fact" or to go through point by point and well, point them out. (we had several phone conversations in may and june that took this path... when i confronted her about the lies and such, she said, "well, you're arguing again, and it's stressing me out... and that goes to the baby through my milk so i can't talk to you anymore." click.)


ON THE POSITIVE SIDE.... i'm trying hard to find one here...

"I look forward to your cooperation so we can get all issues resolved soon." she seems to be unwittingly begging me to send her a copy of my proposed shared parenting plan. i will send a copy to her atty as well. i will also request that if she finds the plan unacceptable, to cite the # of the paragraph, a reason, and an alternate solution.
i think i have an idea of what she won't like (anything to do with equality) and i'll have a prepared response, citing studies and books and the best interests of our son.
or should i pre-empt her anticipated objections, and put my reasoning and citations attached as a memo to the original plan?

[nosonew]

Okay doood, she wrote this letter hoping to make herself look good.  However, send a letter like this:

Dear ____:

This is in response to your letter dated ______.  

1.  Your  ____st paragraph stated "That I felt compelled to communicate through an attorney..."  That is not factual.  In fact, I  was prepared for mediation, and requested such, and it was ordered in October, yet you could not "be available" until December.  Upon the scheduled date of mediation, YOU cancelled.  If your statement "I wish this had been settled months ago" was true, you would have made an appt with the mediator (I told mediator I was available at any date/time for this) yet you waited until December, AND then cancelled.

 2.  I am not aware of any communication your attorney requested in October.  It is my belief it was requested in December.  If you had an attorney in October, why am I just receiving an answer at this time? (be prepared to back this up with a copy of the letter from her attorney to yours).

3.  I sent you three (3) letters, dated Dec. 12, 23, and Jan. 2.  You had ample time to reply if you wanted to cooperate with me seeing my son.  You have my phone number as well as my address, which is obvious by your letter.  

4.  I would like to see my child (name, not child) as soon as possible, and I expect you to be reasonable with my request.  

5.  I have not seen _____ since ____ (date).

6.  I would expect that you will agree that I will see _____ on Saturday from 8am-8pm every week until a permanent plan is in place.  I am willing to pick up and drop off _____ from your home.  I expect a response via email, my email is: ______: (make up a totally new one just for her or you will regret it later). or via letter.  

7.  If _____(child) is on any special medications or has special instructions for care, please place a note with attached medications with instructions in a bag for him/her.  Only medications in their original prescription container will be administered.  (This is extremely important).  

8.  My only goal is to co-parent my child (put name here) and for us to learn to work together for what is best for _____.  I hope your goal is the same.

9.  If you could send me your parenting plan, I would appreciate it, look it over, and respond with any changes/suggestions.  Enclosed, find a copy of my proposed parenting plan, feel free to make any suggestions to changes/suggestions.  

Thank you for your time and prompt response.  

Regarding a response from the weekend visitation I am suggesting, I expect a response via email or letter within 10 days.  Regarding the parenting plan, I expect a response with suggestions/changes within 15 days.    (ALWAYS give a deadline on an expected response, but make sure it is reasonable).

Thanks again,


Me

What do you think?  

*You always want to be professional and courteous.  No slams, no digs. This really pissed me off, so hopefully I didn't.  If I did, other's will point this out to you, and don't use that part. *

Good luck dad, and when is your next court date??????

[MKx2]

Just to avoid issues ...

#1 - might be better worded a bit less aggressively, perhaps ...

1. Your ____st paragraph stated "... you felt compelled to communicate through an attorney..." That is not factual. In fact, I was prepared for mediation, and requested such, and it was ordered in October.  You could not "be available" until December. Upon the scheduled date of mediation, you cancelled on short notice. You have also stated "I wish this had been settled months ago" -  I am in the hope that this is the posture you are now taking and will continue to take with regard to mediation.  Postponing and cancelling the appointments will merely serve to drag things out once again.

I also would leave out the last part of the last sentence of #3 which states "... which is obvious by your letter."

Additionally, it would probably be more appropriate to refer to the child as "our" rather than "my."

Picky points, however, if the letter was ever introduced as evidence in court it might look better for you dood, as it gives more of a feeling of sincerity in wanting to "work together."

JMO ....

[doood]

wow... you captured everything on got it on the page... so hard for me to do...

here's my stab at paragraph #1

1. Your third paragraph stated that I "felt it necessary to manage communications through an attorney." That is not factual. Please see the attached Notice of Visitation Denied for a list of reasons I retained an attorney. You also stated that you "wish this had been settled months ago." In fact, mediation was ordered in October, yet you could not "be available" until December. I told mediator I was available at any date/time for this. Upon the scheduled date of mediation, you cancelled on short notice. I, too, wish we had reached an agreement months ago, and I am in the hope that this is the posture you are now taking and will continue to take. Postponing and cancelling appointments will merely serve to drag things out once again.

AWESOME AWESOME STUFF!
keep it coming, please!!!!!!!

[MKx2]

.

[MYSONSDAD]

Did you get the name of the officer you spoke with? Could be a friend of hers, jerking you around...

[doood]

bingo... badge #44. while we were dating she mentioned having a friend on the police force. i tried to tell him i returned his phone call and he never got the message, but he wasn't having any of that. at least now living with her parents she's 30 miles away from that police dept.

[MYSONSDAD]

Should not be too hard to find out if she has filed a complaint against you. I would think you would have been served by now. Do you have anything to back up what she told you or what this guy told you.

She is starting to sound like my ex!