Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Jul 19, 2024, 08:19:35 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Visitation with a child that does not a relationship with the father

Started by what to do, Dec 07, 2003, 06:21:31 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

what to do

I am asking if anyone has advice on visitation with a child, that will be 4 years old and has only seen her father five times. The mother met the child's father in a foreign country. They were married and a month after the mother found out she was pregnant, she stopped contacting the father.  The father came to the United States a month after the baby was born and the mother requested a DNA test. The test proved he was the father. The father is desperate to see the child and agreed to supervised visitation because the mother told the courts he would take the child back to his country.  The father never had any intention to do this, he surrended his passport to his attorney to ease the mothers worries.  The mother canceled many of the visitations and did everything possible not go to the visitations.  A contempt was filed with no real result. Now the court has orded that both parties pick a therapist to re-introduce the child to the father.  The father is doing this but continues to worry that the mother will continue to keep the child from him.  We even had an attorney suggest that he just give up and wait for the child to come to him when she is old enough, that him continuing to try to have an relationship with his daughter may be bad for her.

Indigo Mom

Put the "what ifs" on the back burner and bring the child up to the front.  You know how we always seem to put the veggies on the back burner, while the steak is frying up front?  The child is the steak the what ifs are the veggies.  

While the what ifs are important, they're going to interfere with the relationship between father and daughter if they're the thing that's focused on the most.  She's the most important thing.  (aka steak!!!)

That attorney of his should be hung...he has displeased me (ya had to be there when this joke happened).  Attorneys work FOR their client, should do AS the client wishes, not tell YOU what's up.  The fact that he said to forget about the child tells me he shouldn't be an family law attorney.  What kind of IDIOT would tell you to wait for your child to find you?  GAWD...makes me wanna hurl.


Do not give up!  I was in this same situation but now my daughter is five and we have a great relationship.  We had supervised one hour visits and then two hours.  I drove seven hours round trip just for an hour visit sometimes.  I remained consistant with visits every other weekend no matter how short  they were.  Eventually over a years time I gained over night visits in her hometown.  Now I have full weekends.  And this weekend she is coming to my home for the first time.  We have a fabulous relationship but it required me sucking it up, driving for long hours, being rejected so many times, parental alienation from the other side and so much more.  We just started therapy to help undo what her mother has put into her head about me.  She knows I am a good father and feels it when I am with her but is confused because mother tells her otherwise.  Now she is starting to ask a lot of questions and needs answers that make sense.  
I was going to custody trial but worked things out over many, many pre-trial hearings.  we all took psychological tests which revealed the truth about her mother which helped prove I am safe.
In the beginning it was so hard.  I read a lot of books about how to talk to my daughter at her age and what types of activies to do.  We both are so goofy and we just have fun.  I take her to the movies, play games, hide and seek, color etc.  
It took her years to warm up to me but I always said I loved her and hugged her even when she wouldn't say it back or want me to touch her.  Hang in there and never give up.  It is worth it.  Just stay consistant in everything you do!