Never Been Married - Parental Rights

[joni]

...to be a doormat.  

I understand your apprehension because of your childhood and parents' divorce.  You can take the higher road and base your motion on the facts...and most importantly....that you deserve to have an active role in your daughter's life.  

It would be so wrong otherwise if you don't do this through the courts.  You're already the victim of robbery here...you've been robbed of her love, you've been robbed of a relationship and you've been robbed of memories....four years of memories you're never going to get back.

[aughe]

Well, I don't want to lay down and just let her walk over me any more.  We have a meeting scheduled on Monday where we are going to discuss what is going on and if she refuses to let me see our daughter then I am going to let her know that I am going to take her to court so that I can get visitation.  I would love to be able to see her every weekend and every moment possible, but most of all I just want to be able to see her.  I can't imagine getting to see her once a month is good for establishing a relationship with my daughter.  I want to be active and involved.  Next year she is going to be going to kindergarden and I want to be there for all of those activities.
Thanks for all of your help!

[nosonew]

Hey, meet with her, try to work it out, get it in writing, notarized, etc., if you do agree to something, and have it sent thru the court to make it legal.  AND DO NOT TELL HER YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE HER TO COURT IF....she will find that as blackmail or  a threat, although in reality it is just the facts.  

Secondly, I would like to add, my husband was never married to his son's mother, they didn't even have a relationship, and after much fighting, (the list would go on for 3 pages if I told you everything), he now has full custody and she was NOT a druggie, slut, welfare sit on her butt at home type.  So it can be done, although that is not what you want at this time, it is imperative you get a court order.

Also, back cs is usually added to your set cs amount, generally 50 bucks extra each month until the balance is paid in full.  

AND, given that she is living with her parents, doesn't work, doesn't have the normal bills of someone living on their own, hopefully your state's cs guidelines take this situation into account when they figure your cs.  

Good luck! And read all the stuff in the archives to help, some of it will make the hair on your back stand up!  But it is...reality.

[NoNicky]

Without realizing it you have done many things to protect yourself.  Now is the time to do more.  I won't rehash the advice given to you by others already.  It's been exactly what I would have said.  I will repeat one thing.  DO NOT let her know you are planning on filing a court action.  At this point you might even be better off talking with her about things and then instead of actually having a written agreement with her take what you talked about to an attorney and make that the basis for what you want for visitation.  Make sure you DO document what you and she talk about.  Go ahead and let her see you writing the stuff down.  Tell her in the beginning it's for both of you to use later in the conversation so you don't foget what you said or agreed to.  Document everything.  Document every time you call and she doesn't return the call.  Document every time she says she will bring your child over and doesn't.  Did anyone mention to you that it was important to document things?  Make sure you do.

Good luck!

NoNicky
For God has not given a spirit of fear; but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  1 Peter 1:6

[aughe]

Thank you!  You have given me a little bit of hope that I have not been completely stupid in this whole thing.

I have a question - my daughter is 4 years old and will be attending a pre-school starting in August - which I am very excited for.  We have it arranged so that we will both be paying for half of the expense of the pre-school.  But my ex and I disagree on what kind of school she should be put in after pre-school.  She wants for our daughter to go to private schools, and I would prefer our daughter go to a public school.  I am not saying this because I want to be cheap.  I went to private school until I was a freshman in high school and I went through a complete culture shock as well as felt isolated for not growing up with the people in my class.  I just want what is best for our daughter... but if my ex really pushes for private school - would I still have to pay half even though I don't particularly agree with the decision?  

Thanks again for all of your help and support.  Just with talking with people makes me feel as if I am making progress and helping me get prepared!

[aughe]

I have not planned on letting her know my thoughts about going to court.  As far as she is concerned I have always been against court.  I have never wanted to drag this into court - but I almost feel as if I don't have a choice now.

I have heard that courts in Indiana really tend to favor the mother, giving her what she wants with no regard for the father... so I really do hope that it is taken into thought that she doesn't have any of the normal bills of someone who is trying to make it out on her own with a child.

I would definately love to spend more time with my daughter than just every other weekend and once a week, but compared to what I am getting now - that would be heaven.  I am out of town a lot, so the mid-week visit would be a little harder with my sparatic schedule, but I would love to be able to see my daughter as much as possible!

Thank you for all your help and support!

[kiddosmom]

Does it say in your CO that you will have to pay for half of private school?

Private school is not a normal 'need' for the child, it is a parents choice.

[aughe]

Thats just it - we don't have a court order. I have been paying child support just on a verbal agreement.  Just like we had a verbal agreement that I was to see my daughter every other weekend.  Even though I have kept up with my part of the agreement (child support) I hardly ever get to see my daughter.  I have agreed to pay for half of her pre-school... but I know that next year she will be in kindergarten.  My ex wants to send her to a private school and I would rather not go that route.  I have never signed any papers saying that I would pay for school.  The only legal document that I have signed is the paternity affidavit.

What can I do?  I do not want for my daughter to go through the same culture shock that I did.  I would like to protect her from things - but diverse cultures should not be shielded.  

Any recommendations or suggestions?

[kiddosmom]

I hope you have been writing child support on each payment you make to her otherwise they will hit you for arrears and nothing you can do to stop it.

other then going to court there is no other advise, untill you get a CO she can jerk you around all she wants.

[aughe]

Yeah - I have covered myself as far as that goes - on each child support check that I have ever written - I have always put CHILD SUPPORT - KORYN.  That way - I have a copy of the cashed check with my ex's signature and the fact that it was child suport!

I was afraid that court would be my only option.  I have been trying to read up on unmarried parental rights and what can and can't be done... but so far - it is all pretty much up to the parent keeping the child as to what can and can't be done.  That stinks!