file contempt?

[too_short]

Hi All,

My ex received my petition for change in custody last week; this Friday I went to pick up my son, my son was very hesitant.  This is uncharacteristic of him, he's always looks joyfully towards our weekends.

I had some problems with him my last weekend with him... his mother doesn't want him to get his hair wet at my house (we were an interracial couple... I'm white and his mother's black... she says his hair isn't like mine, I don't know how to take care of it, etc.).  Well, anyways he likes to take baths in the big tub and so his hair gets wet.

So at pick up time, I asked his mother if it's okay for his hair to get wet.  She said no, and then I replied I  don't think it's right to put that burden on him.  She gets angry and starts escalating the discussion... I see that my boy is getting upset (he was already unusually timid coming out) and his eyes starting to water.  So I told his mother, we shouldn't do this in front of him.  She saw this and decided to manipulate situation to her needs.  She accused me of starting the whole mess, and then asked him "Do you want to go with him?  You don't have to if you don't want to."  So he shook his head no, and she said "Well, I won't make you."  And they went in doors.  

This was particularly difficult because he had just had his birthday, and I had a party planned for him this Saturday.  My son knew this and he was looking forward to it.  Also, I live about 2.5 hours away.

So I called the police for them to right up a report.  His mother seeing this, came out with my son and starting accusing me of upsetting my son.  I was going to get my word in, but then looked at my son, and again told her (and the officer) we shouldn't do this in front of him.   And then I asked her why didn't she just leave him inside the house.  Well, anyways the police wrote up the report.  I don't have a copy.  They asked my son if he wanted to go with me, and he said no.  And that was it.

I'm afraid my son's mother is doing quite a number on him.   I want to nip this problem in the bud, I don't want to be denied any further visitation.  I want to file a contempt motion since our eventual court date will be a few months away.  

Reasonable enough?  Is there anything esle I should do?

Thanks

[MYSONSDAD]

Sounds like you have a pbfh on your hands, just like me.
It is wrong for her to ask your son what he wants. She should encourage your parenting time with him.

She is frustrating a hostile environment. Get a copy of that Police report. Talk with the Officer and see if he could add a note to the effect, you did not want your son  to see all of this.

Start tracking your time with either the on line tracker here at Sparc or go to Parentingtime.net

Also, in the search area, type in Visitation Interference. There are some really good articles there.

Do you have telephone access to your son? Let him know how much his being with you is so important to you and how much you look forward to spending time with him. Letting him know how much he is loved and do it often. Someday he will grow up and see for himself what is going on.

Everytime you are scheduled to pick up your son, do it. If she refuses, go down to the local police department and file a report. Once you get her refusing several occurences, file for contempt. Just make sure you have good documentation to back yourself up. Bring a witness with you, someone willing to testify.  

Keep your phone records, police reports and use the time tracker. Will help. Documentation is the real key. And be detailed.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

File each and EVERY time she is in contempt.

Why wait????

[MixedBag]

That's really hard for any one of us to say.....

WHEN to file for contempt after how many violations.

In the latest order from the latest go around with my situation, we were cautioned against filing frivilous stuff.  

So is ONE weekend frivilous?  

Since I get one weekend a month, I will file IF I don't GET one weekend a month like my order says.  I don't consider any missed time with my son frivilous.

I think he should follow the advice above and document a bit and yep, file for missed time.  The child should not be put in the middle like that.

[MYSONSDAD]

If I filed contempt everytime it happens, I'd be in court on a weekly basis. My opinion is let several add up. Go in with at least 10 and hope you can get her on 8.

Going before the Judge too frequently might make it appear that you are the one with a problem. And I am not made out of money, court and attorneys are expensive and I still have a long way to.

Going in everytime might make the ex stay on their toes, but I like giving a little more rope for the hanging down the road.

Might be harder on the kids to watch this knit-picking going on. Be the more patient parent. Sometimes you have to sit back and sacrifice for the kids sake.

[tjraid18]

  I'm brand new to both computers and this awesome sight. Anyway, I was reading your reply & the last part especially caught my attention.
"Shouldnt put kids in the middle." Being the non-custodial parent the only recourse we have (legally-ha!) is to file for visitation enforcement or contempt. But from what I've seen or at least in my situation, this action just stirs up a whorenets nest and turns a high school wrestling match into W.W.W. III; with the kids in the middle and you with no ammunition. Should there be laws or sanctions or legislation that are easier to access & carry out than what exists now. Should a child be loved by their parent----- you bet!