This is the week in Iowa!

[Hawkeye]

I'm taking the liberty to bump this back to the top of the SPARC board as HF22 (Iowa's first step toward equity in parenting) may be the SPARK that ignites the other cylinders of the Substantive EQUAL TIME for divorced parents concept.

Anyone who's read nearly any article written by Dr. Stephen Baskerville, and has any shred of common sense, knows that children need, and do best with two competent & devoted parents.

Please, after reading this, visit //www.acfc.org or go to
http://www.acfc.org/upcomingevents.htm and read Mark's letter.

I've been reading much lately about (and dealing with) "conflict"...  

Why is there a conflict?  Because one parent or another creates it!
Well, DUH...  Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.  

Well, fellow Dads, Moms... it is time to BE the eye of the hurricane...

One home, two homes or more... the concept of family is being bombed in the courts, bombed in the streets and bombed at schools.

We're not talking about the middle east, we're talking America.

Land of the Free, and the home, of the Brave.... Those Moms, Dads and parents, stepmoms and all willing to provide for their kiddos and not interfere with a Substantive Equal Parenting concept. Is that so tough?

Hawkeye

[MYSONSDAD]

You are right about one thing, I have tried to avoid conflict and it keeps slapping me in the face.

I have written 3 letters to Iowa this week, took all of 5 minutes. If everyone here has time to read and post to the boards, they have 5 minutes to make a difference. Just voice your opinion and let the Governor and his staff know what is going on and how it affects the families. What it is doing to the kids.

With any luck, it will cause a ripple effect...


"Children learn what they live"

[tjraid18]

 I am new here but am very interested in what I've seen. Before I read about this proposed bill I just wanted to say that its very heartening to see so much good effort being put forth for this cause. I cant help but wonder how much could be accomplished through legislation if we were all on the same page-- together.

[tjraid18]

  Its good to see there is some wording at the end of the bill that could be used to allow N.C.P.s to gain more parenting time if they are being denied. From what I've understood in my state (OR) about joint custody is both parents have to be agreeable to it or it wont work and the court or judge will not endorse it. I guess this is to try to keep the kids out of the crossfire as much as possible and I agree with the idea of that but sometimes the kids end up with the wrong parent and its a no win situation for everyone as well. Joint custody is a tough one. Good luck in Iowa!!!!!

[MYSONSDAD]

You mention from a previous post, we should all be on the same page.
Everyone should stand together on this. THEN, Take the time to write.

What I don't get is why the heck someone should tell me I have to be a part-time parent. If non-custodials played a more active role, which they are fighting like hell for, there would be less abuse going on. And why the heck do I have to agree with ANYONE to joint custody?

This is my son too, and I want and need to parent my child.

If Joint custody was automatic, unless drugs, abuse or neglect are involved, there would be fewer divorces. Right now things are totally unfair. There would also be a lot less conflict if Joint were awarded. That's the whole idea. There would be no need for a full blown custody battle. Children need both parents to play an active role in their lives.

MY OPINION ONLY, the one who walks away, should be the one who loses. I stayed to pick up the peices and have been denied access to my son. HOW IS THAT FAIR?

I don't care if your male or female, if you are found 'fit' You should have equal 50/50 on everything, time with your kids, decisions, medical and school records. It takes two people to bring a child into this world, it should take two people to raise them.

And as far as keeping the kids out of the crossfire, what the hell do you think the bullshit Restraining orders do? Just another way to keep the other parent out of the kids lives.

And who says it won't work? If it is court ordered, you would have to comply or be held in contempt, who ever is in contempt should also have to pay attorneys fees and court costs.

This mess did not start just a few years ago, and it will take sometime to get things where they should be. Changing the laws is somewhere to start. So much more is needed. Everyone should stand together for the greater good. I am not willing to settle for what the laws are currently. It is time to change things. Our kids are counting on it, I don't want my son to ever have to face this hell.

From the way I am reading your post, you are okay with the current system.

[tjraid18]

  Whoa. peace.....  The last thing I am is o.k. with the current legal system. The last thing I want to do is roll over while my kids mom gets $45,000.00 in child support in 5 & 1/2 years, drives a 1998 Honda civic off the car lot, sleeps in an oak 4 poster bed with plush mattress,etc. Lives in an expensive three bedroom duplex/townhouse with a hot tub in the back yard while shes on welfare , H.U.D., and food stamps. My children have nothing. she invests nothing in their upbringing and yells and cusses at them all the time. She is verbally, and mentally abusive. She lied on the child support papers when she originally filed and I was paying $300.00 a month more than I was supposed to be paying for over three years. The child support agency wouldnt even listen to me when I called them 1000 times. I had to get an attorney that I couldnt afford just to get the child support to where it should be. (a lady at the child support office once told me I could sleep in my car when I asked her how I was supposed to live!) In other words, the current system borders on being blatantly criminal & does need to be changed. There are a lot of children who need a good, caring, parent(s) in their life, but are being denied that and end up being all screwed up because of the current legal system. I've even thought of adoption, then no one could say "thats my child" and just take them and get paid for it at my expense! This is our own flesh and blood were talking about. I agree with you on where your coming from, but see things a little differently because I'm a different person than you. Thats what I'm talking about when I say on the same page. All  of us here have one thing in common but were all different people with different ideas. I think its reallly cool seeing women on here fighting right along side of us for our rights. Your right, we need to all talk, work out our differences aimiably, and unite to change the way things are. Its time! I undrestand where your coming from on the joint custody, but if both parents arent working together then the kids are going to be caught in the crossfire. Maybe not in your situation.... but a majority of situations as a whole. Thats what lawmkers have to look at. And courts and judges. Thats why family law is so touchy difficult and vague. Thats what we need to keep in mind while were trying to use our heads to do something about this. Also keep in mind that most of the reason things are so scewed up is becaause 20 to 40 years ago dads could just pick up and leave their families and not be held responsible, there were no laws to protect women & children from this. Then in the 60's & 70's along with the womens rights movements (no offense intended ladies) came all kinds of laws & power to the department of justice and states to go after "deadbeat dads". The balance was tipped from one extreme to the other.  My opinion, Thanx

[Hawkeye]

Here's what WE can do....


Still nothing on HF22. The bill should have made it to the Governor by now. It is my understanding that the Governor has slowed the process. It is not related to our bill but it may keep the bill from getting to the Governor before session ends. If that happens be prepared to keep up the pressure for an additional month.
 
Contact the Governor by phone and e-mails.  Be sure to ask family and friends to contact the Governor.  Always be polite and encouraging. I will contact you as soon as I hear something. Thanks for your support.
 
Sincerely,
 
Mark Griebel
Chairman, CNBP  (//www.cnbp.info)
 
Office of the Governor
State Capitol
Des Moines, Iowa 50319
515-281-5211
Fax 515-281-6611
//www.governor.state.ia.us/comments/capitol_correspond/index.html
Governor Thomas J. Vilsack writes that "Iowans have traditionally recognized that strong families are essential to ensuring that our children will enjoy a secure future...Iowans intuitively understand that children need to receive the support and guidance of both parents...[and] an emerging set of scientific data supports our belief that a healthy bond between a child and the child's parents has a direct impact on the future success of the child...."

Governor Vilsack continues, "...children with two parents who actively and positively engage in their life by providing financial support, love, guidance and discipline, have a greater chance for success than children who receive an active involvement from only one parent."

[tjraid18]

  Thanx for letting me know what I can do mysonsdad & hawkeye. I will do whatever I can to further our cause and always enjoy engaging in discussion and ideas. It makes me feel that maybe there is some hope or that maybe together we can make some.

[MYSONSDAD]

The time has come to make changes.

We ALL have to work on this, not just a few of us.

I still stand on 50/50 across the board would cut back an enormous amount of conflict, and the kids would not be in the crossfire.  

If you are serious, write, and then pass it along to others that are fed up with the system.

Our kids deserve better then this.

I know I come off as a radical, but I'll be damned if someone is going to tell me I have to stand back and be a visitor with my son. NO WAY

[Kitty C.]

If parents know going into court that custody is NOT something they will be fighting over, then where's the conflict?  That's that this and other bills like it must do:  take the conflict of custody out of the hands of the parents in the first place.  Which is exactly what I told Gov. Vilsack:

'This bill is VERY important in child custody issues, because it gives the message that BOTH parents are important, BOTH parents must be involved, and it takes away any 'power' that one parent might perceive to have over the other. When joint equal custody is established, there is nothing to fight about. When both parents walk into that courtroom, they will already know that fighting over the children will not happen, because they are BOTH equally responsible and BOTH have that right to the child, just as the child has a right to both of them.'