Recieved an email.....

[Stepmom0418]

From SS's teacher today. She wrote to let DH and I know that SS was NOT in school again today.

This is Dh's weekend. PBFH has been known to not send SS to school on the days she is going to DENY visitation. (this is about the norm for her)

Also still pending is the decision from the judge on the custody issue. (nope still nothing decided)

Im getting ready now to go pick DH from work and then head to pick up SS at the station. DH was denied the last visit so it has been a month so far and will be a month and a half if she denys tonight and we have to wiat till our next schedualed weekend. DH is really missing his DS! The kids are missing their brother and think all of this is so unfair! It is so sad that she can cause this much pain to so many people!

Send us good thoughts and prayers as we head to the station to pick up SS and also to help us deal with the pain if PBFH does not show up once again!

Thank you all in advanced.

[MYSONSDAD]

good thought going to you...


Did you get him?

[Stepmom0418]

SS is here and is now as happy as can be!

Now for all the events leading to us being at home...........

We arrived at the station and BM, her brother, and her mom (gma) were there waiting. Pick up time is actually 8pm as per the co. When we arrived it was 7:15.

DH went into the station and SS started saying that he wasnt going to go with him. DH was ready to cry......just to hear his son say this was heart wrenching to say the least. Bm went through her tizzy of crying and making statements that she couldnt make him go if he didnt want to..and ect, ect, ect. She was hanging on to SS while crying and saying all of these things to DH! Meanwhile SS would look up and smile and play with DH.(you all know the way these things go so Im not going to bore you all with the details of what BM had to say.) DH said that as soon as the clock hit 8pm (the co time to pick up) he was going to pick him up and walk out and physically put him in our van and leave.

Gma then got a bright idea that if the police were called then SS wouldnt have to go cause the police wouldnt make him go. So she calls the police. The police arrive at about 8:20pm. He talked to BM and Gma and DH. He then asked DH to step to the side and asked him what he wanted to do. Dh said he wants to take his son for visitation. DH also explained that at this time there is an open case in regards to custody and also several counts of contempt on BM for visitation denial. The officer then went to BM and Gma and told them that the decision is up to BM because it is a civil matter BUT if she did not let SS leave she would be in contempt of court and officer would file a report. BM then told ss that he had to go with his dad or she was going to go to jail. The officer left.

At one point DH was trying to put SS in the van and Gma freaked out saying, "I cant do this to him! I cant make him go!" Then she grabbed SS from DH's hands. DH was pi$$ed at this point but somehow managed to keep his cool!

I spoke up and asked SS why he didnt want to come to our house. His reply was total anger and he said "Because my dad didnt come and get me the last time when I was supposed to be able to come to your house!!" (The last time we were to get him BM was not at the station and it was actually one of the contempts filed on her) I told SS that I promised him we did come to get him and that he wasnt there when we arrived. He still insisted that he was not coming.

Finally BM's brother picked SS up and handed him to DH and forced BM and Gma to walk away and get in their vehicle. DH physically put SS in the van and I put the van in reverse and got the HE** out of there. We didnt even make it a mile and SS was fine. Talking to his brother and sisters like normal and even talking to me and DH.

This whole ordeal seemed staged........like BM told SS to throw a fit and not want to go. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen! DH and I are now emotionally exhausted.

Any ideas on how to prevent this from happening next time? Or even prepare ourselves for it? We never expected this in a million years.....he has never done anything like this before and we are going to pray he dont do it again!

[Stepmom0418]

We didnt leave the station untill 9:05.

[wendl]

Omg step what a horrible exchange.

Can't you get the exchanges to take place at the police state or something???

I think you may need to start bringing a video camera to every exchange to get this nut and her family on tape

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Stepmom0418]

The thing about all this is that I truely believe that SS was told to behave this way. If BM wouldnt have been hanging on to him and crying I think I MIGHT have felt that SS did this on his own free will.

I dont know about the camcorder thing at this point.......mainly because we are still waiting for the desion in regards to custody. The judge didnt seem very pleased that we recorded BM and DH's phone conversations so Im not sure he would be pleased if we were to take a camcorder to visitation exchanges either.

I will be letting DH's attorney know what took place and go from there. Hopefully the judge will decide custody in our favor and we can try to stat undoing the mental harm BM and Gma have started.

The only thing SS has said he was upset about was the last time we were denied visitation. BM obviously told him we didnt show up when in fact she called here AFTER we left to go to the visitation exchange and changed the time and the place we were supposed to meet her.....going once again against the visitation agreement. DH told SS that we did come to get him but there was some miscommunication between DH and BM and that he was sorry. The funniest part is that when we got home that night I tried to call BM and she wouldnt answer her phone. (but we decided against telling SS that because we dont want to play the same sick games that BM is trying to play.)

The exchange itself was awful! So hurtful for everyone including my own children........they were sitting in the van and had to see this whole thing happen and they were like me and couldnt really do anything to help.

SS is here and has been as happy as can be every since we pulled away from the station. I cant believe that less than a mile down the road and he was fine. (which is another reason I believe that he was told to behave that way)

The good thing is that he is here and he is having a blast!!

[patton]

I think you need request exchanges take place at a visitation center or exchange center, so you don't have to see each other at all.

I know this is a last resort, but with her attitude and her mother's then it would probably be best for the SS.

Have the Judge order her to drop SS off at visitation center about 15 minutes before your arrival.  So she should be gone by then. And then you arrive and pick him up.

[Stepmom0418]

Hey Patton that sounds like a good idea but I do see one issue with it. BM refuses to drive any farther than 1/2 way which is where the station is at. The other problems I see is that DH doesnt get off work untill 6pm on Friday........not sure any of the exchange places would still be open when DH gets off work. Also the town in which we meet at is a small and if you blink you miss it kind of town.

[MYSONSDAD]

What a farse!!! One sick cookie and granny is just as bad.

Do everything you can to reassure him is a very vital part of your family. He is loved and wanted. Let him know you will make every effort to receive him for visitation.

Hard to prepare when you don't know what the next trick might be. Second guessing a nut case is a crap shot...

Just reinforce your commitment to SS. He needs that right now and he knows who is sincere and who is playing games.

Hang in there...

"Children learn what they live"

[Stepmom0418]

Well SS has been here for almost 24 hours now and we havent heard a whimper one out of him. BM called earlier today and asked how he was doing. I answered the phone but I quickly handed it of to DH to deal with her! He told her that SS was fine. She asked to talk to him and SS refused to get on the phone. (which is normal for him) BM told DH to tell SS that she loves him and SS said whatever and walked away from DH. He is only eight but i truely believe that he already knows who is playing games.

I think that BM actually threatened SS with punishment or promised him something in return for the show he put on at the station. I know some may think that I am jumping to conclusions about the situation.......but anyway I can think about the "show" I seen last night.........its all I can come up with. It breaks my heart watching BM hurt her child, my SS in the ways she has hurt him. The thing that scares me most is what the long term damage could be IF the judge decides to leave SS living in that envionment.

SS has been normal since the moment we left the station. I would think that IF SS was serious about not wanting to come with us that this whole weekend would have been a miserable one. Wouldnt you? SS didnt even want to speak to her on the phone and he wouldnt say he loved her. He usually doesnt talk on the phone to anyone but he does usually tell DH to tell BM he loves her too and he will see her Sunday.

I also think that SS has been told alot about the court case and I believe that BM has cried infront of SS in regards to her feelings about a custody change or imo the loss of child support. Im sorry I feel like this, I wish it were diffrent! I wish I could feel diffrent about the situation but I have tried and I just cant do it. If she loved SS as much as she claims she does then she wouldnt want to do things to harm him.......such as her letting SS miss so much school, allowing herself and others talk badly about DH and I in front of SS, and I could go on forever with the things that pi$$ me off about BM and what she is doing to SS and my children as well as DH and me!!!

Sorry for the rambling on ..........I am just so worked up over this........Just cant believe the nerve of some people!!!!

[MYSONSDAD]

Venting is welcome here, all of us need it from time to time.

And I know exactly where you are coming from with "the show". It starts at a very young age, and BM informing him of court matters and how she cries. I get the same stuff...

Just kick back and enjoy your weekend. "What goes around, comes around"

Here is hoping you won't wait long.

"Children learn what they live"