FrUstRaTeD!!!!!

[IceMountain]

I am so frustrated!!!  I just got off the phone with my ex.  I wanted to know which meeting place we were using on Friday. (we have 2 depending on whether or not she also has to pick up her husband.  1 is 1/2 way between our homes, the other is where her husband works and requires her to do 2/3 of the driving.)

Transportation has been an issue with us for almost 2 years.  Our decree does not address transportation issues because at the time of the decree we were living in the same town, and we have a generic decree which I was too stupid to know at the time.

I'll give you some background:
My ex lost her license about 2 years ago for failing to pay a fine.  At the time I was ignorant to my rights and when she informed me that I was going to have to do all of the driving, I just did it because I didn't think I had a choice if I wanted to see my son.

The drive is 8 hours round trip and it was a definite financial hardship.  When I found out she got her license back, I asked if we were going to start meeting again.  She would not agree to it and sent me a letter stating that during my visitation I would need to drive and during her summer visitation (alternating weekends) she would drive, so whoever was receiving visitation would do the driving.  

At that time I retained a lawyer and he advised me to 'be nice' and do the driving, which I did.  I continued to drive and when summer came she did the driving.

At the end of the summer I informed her that I would no longer be driving the 8 hour round trip and that if she did not meet me 1/2 way on Friday, then she would drive all the way to my house on Sunday.  Since then we have met 1/2 way, which was in August of last year.

In November my wife and I split up for a week.  During that time, I verbally agreed to meet at an area an hour from her home because at the time I was going to move back to my home town and it would again be the 1/2 way point.

That didn't happen because my wife and I reconciled.

She is again pushing for me to meet at the spot an hour from her home because her car is not working properly.  I informed her that there have been times when my car did not work and I had to borrow one, which is what she will need to do because it is not my resp. to make up for her portion of the driving.

We got in a heated argument.  I informed her that if she did not have my son at the 1/2 way meeting spot between our two homes on Friday then I would file papers for contempt of court.  She told me to go ahead.

I need help!!  I fired my lawyer in January because he was incompetent and did not follow thru on filings.  Can I file contempt papers by myself or do I have to have a lawyer to do so?

Sorry for the long post, I'm just still so ticked off and completely frustrated.

[Fobbed-Fodder]

Check out these sites

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/states/ia/iowa.htm

http://www.judicial.state.ia.us/families/

[IceMountain]

An excellent resource, THANK YOU!

[MixedBag]

If you don't have an attorney, you need to figure out how to do it yourself.

Contact the courthouse and they may already have "forms" for you to use and fill out.

What I don't suggest is that you call it a "Motion to Show Cause" because that means the other party is denying you something on purpose.  You said that your order doesn't address transportation, so she can't be accused of denying you something (transportation cooperation) on purpose -- get it?

What you might do is a "Motion due to a Significant Change In Circumstances" due to your move (did I catch that right?).  However, for the most part, the moving away parent ends up doing all the driving.  BUT you have some history of cooperation (or at least that she did some) for the past two years to ask the court that she be ordered to share.

You really need to read up on your state's codes to see if it might be addressed there too.  Sometimes it's spelled out in the law already.

[IceMountain]

When the original decree was written we lived in the same city.  A few months later she moved 2 hours west of that city.  I did not contest the move.  2 years later I moved 2 hours north.  Before I moved we had been meeting at a 1/2 way point for about a year.

It was after that point that she lost her license and I started doing all of the driving.  For almost the first year after my move I did the driving on the advice of my lawyer.  For the past 9 months we have been meeting again.  But since I fired my lawyer in January she has been coming up with excuse after excuse as to why she can't drive.

Is this something I can do on my own?  I want to hire a new lawyer, but can only come up with about 1/2 of what the new retainer would be.  When I fired my old lawyer, I did so because he screwed up the paperwork for having mediation ordered (among other things).  The court would not order mediation unless we could not agree, which was a milestone we had already reached.   So the next step in our case was to get mediation ordered.

I guess I should have not fired him until after he completed that step, it would have made the rest easier.

Thanks for your advice.

[MixedBag]

Then I would suggest a "Motion for Clarification" based on the fact that neither party resides in the original residence and city at the time of the divorce.  This distance is now XXX miles apart, and the parties have continually disagreed as to the terms and transportation responsibilities.

That might actually cause the court to order you to mediation (my judge took that route).  

[IceMountain]

Thank You, I'm learning so much about motions.  

If I file this motion now, will it affect my complete modification that I want to do later?  The mod is based on a 'substantial change in circumstances' and addresses holidays, vacations and school breaks and includes a comprehensive parenting plan I have developed using the samples on this board.

Actually, if this forces the mediation then all of the issues can be ironed out then anyway, right?

[MixedBag]

Note that I said it might "cause you to get mediation ordered" -- not that it's a sure thing.

Nothing in court is a sure thing.

If you have nothing in your order right now -- which you don't -- you need to get in front of a judge to get more details written into your current order.  Particularly if she's been giving you a "hard time" by the threats and all.

Cops enforce criminal laws and codes -- like Kitty said.  Divorces are a civil matter and they can't do anything.  However, they can start to do something when the civil order is very specific and there's a link somewhere on this site that gives each state's criminal codes for custodial interference.

If both parties have moved, usually the person who wants the time has to go get the child and then the other parent has to get the child back.  THEN both parents usually come to their senses and figure out the best way to split everything 50/50....(because meeting half way on both ends usually makes more sense in the long run).

Here's the approach I took with my EX when he threatened not to put our son on the plane last Christmas.....I wrote and said "Look, you have one of two choices:  If you put him on the plane, then I will file a "Motion for Clarification" with the court to get more clarification on our transportation disagreement.  If you don't put him on the plane, then I'll file a "Motion to Show Cause" instead.  Your choice."  See a "Motion to Show Cause" is a "blaming" motion -- you're saying the other party did something wrong and willfully disobeyed the order.  A "Motion for Clarification" doesn't do any finger pointing -- it just says "Your honor, this subject has caused us a lot of arguments, please clarify as to what we're supposed to do."

However, in my case, the judge sent us to mediation -- surprise surprise!  Nope, not expecting that.  So we mediated, it failed, and now we've got a full-blown hearing scheduled.

EX filed for more child support -- totally a vindictive response on his part, no surprise there.  It's what CPs do when they get pissed at NCPs....

[IceMountain]

I am refiling the 'motion to have a default mediator ordered'.  We have to do mediation before it can go to court, but my ex will not mediate unless the court orders it, so I'm going to get that ordered.

I am going to look for the criminal codes for custodial interference on this site.  Thanks again for the info!!

[gipsy]

Read the parenting plan . It may have a provision that say's , DISPUTE RESOLUTION , And If you don't follow the dispute resolution process the commissioner or judge may tell you to go to dispute resolution first !