standered visitation schedule/for non-cust. parent

[sherrie ohio]

We lived out of state untill a year and half ago.And this is how they wrote the order.That she be the residential parent/with custody.And my husband got the folowing visitation schedule.One weekend a month,a little time on the holidays,and in the summer when he took his vacation.Which we return to their state for.We finaly moved back hoping he could have more say in how she was being raised.Thanks for the info.Had asked her school once,they said they werent alowed to give any verbal info and as far as records,a copy of her grade card (after bm gets her's)when it's to late to help the childs grades when she's struggling.Mother gets grade card,mid-trem reports,info on special classes and special testing scores and more.And doesnt let my husband know anything.Like i stated she sees it as and invasion of privacy.Untill our return all his daughters teacher's thought the mother's current husband was the father.Because she has her children calling him dad.We'd hear about a special event at school(by third party's)attend and my husband would go and meet her teachers and they would be confused.Thanks again for info.

[ready4change]

My husband's ex is the same way; seems she thinks that since she divorced him--the kids did too :(

The bottom line is that noone will advocate for your husband, he has to make sure noone forgets about him.  Make himself ever-present in the school:go have lunch with child, contact teachers weekly for updates, stay apprised of school events such as assemblies, talent shows and fundraisers and always attend if possible; volunteer in the classroom.  

If your husband has joint LEGAL custody, he is supposed to be included in any and all medical decisions; have him send the ex a certified letter requesting that he be notified of all appointments and be given the opportunity to attend.  

Whether the ex likes it or not, he IS her father and she needs to know he will fight for his rights at all costs.

[gipsy]

My Atty advised me to go to the  school / Doctor and be really nice and ask for the record . And Nicely tell them they can check with whomever they need to.
   What they did was go to the back and say , Welll the mother doesn't want you to have the record " So Again upon advice fom My atty < I said "  Well I have the same rights as any parent " and unless there is a court order that say's I can't have the records " I have a right as a parent to copies of the record ,
  And " My atty said He will write you a letter if you need it "
  So they went to the back again < and came out with a release of information paper , I signed " And they gave me the part of the record that showed / My son wasn't sick as mom was trying to alledge , And My takeing him out and playing wasn't a crime as the foolish mother said Through her nasty atty letter , So I sent My reponse with the medical record to her atty :
   I write the letters My self , And again Mom got charged by her atty for her usuall nasty letter campaign ,
   Just be really nice to the people at the school and doctors . And you will do fine with them . Think of this as the usuall , It happens to all of us , And the best way is to finess through this , Remmember the school and doctors will get sick of this , As this happened in My case So I am suggesting that you don't call them once a week , But do what is normal , Like think if you lived with the Kids what would be normal , And don't bother talking about the mother ,   In My case the school and Doctor seemed to think she was an Idiot after a while , And began the type of dialog with me where they gave me what I want , They won't want to be involved, but they sort of wispered a couple of things that equated to , They didn't really like her .,
 The school  staff  said ,
    "She came in today with the custody papers and said she had custody and said "you aren't to have any records"!
 So I said there isn't any thing in there that prohibits me from My sons record , Of course The same routine < They went to the back And asked some one , Then came out and let me look at the record ,
  I did ask for the special events etc , And they just gave me the schools calendar of events ,
 Don't over do this, just be nice to the school staff and teachers . My situation started out the same , And it semed . psycho had them convinced that I was some BAD GUY , But only by being nice repeatedly do they now act quite cooperative ,
 My atty told me from the beginning " If you be nice and go to the school you will get further with them than her "
 I don't even ask any more ,I have a relationship with My sons teacher and we just act normal like adults , And talk about my son ,
   Oh Yeah , I did tell the Doctor that the mother was trying to say I was giving My son foods he was allergic to etc , And I needed to review the record , So the doctor and I set an appointment , And we looked at the records and there was no food allergy , So Again I responded to the foolish Letters accordingly , And I was careful not to bring the doctor into it , I just wrote ' I have reviewed the medical record and found there is no such food allergies ' If there is any such record please let me have a copy ' And of course this was again just another stupid attempt of the mother that went by the wayside that costed her for her atty's letter,
 Don't let her bother you I don't know why they try this , I have never heard of this really getting any where ,
 I have heard from My sons school that they stay out of it and go by the court order because some dad got mad and sued them , So they give the rcord unless there is an order that tells them not to < And my order does not prohibit me from school records ,
   This does not prhibit an idiot from talking crap to the school and doc ,
  Actually I read one post on this site and it sounded like the dad threatened the school , And then there was an issue , I don't think you want to do that , As a matter of fact My atty said " If they don't give you the record " Don't demand it right then just Be nice and call Atty on the phone and ask what the next step is "