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Will this hurt his chance's for more visitations with the court?

Started by sherrie ohio, Aug 15, 2005, 07:25:00 AM

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askray

One of the most important aspects of a child's development is stability and structure.  Without having a visitation agreement/parenting schedule in place, structure is almost impossible.

Not only would having a parenting plan help the child, but it would also allow you and DH to schedule appropriately, not having to give up what you want to do in your lives for the 'chance' to parent the child.

You shouldn't have to parent your child, (or step child), only when it's convienent for BM.  Children should rely on both parents whenever they need them, not when it's convienent for either parent.  *I'm trying to convince my daughter's mother of this and it is VERY difficult to get this concept across.

Is there any way you can file for a parenting plan pro se instead of hiring an attorney?

Maybe it would be worth sitting down with BM and writing out a schedule together before going to court.  If she's unagreeable, then you may have to resort to legal means.

Good luck, sounds like BM has some parenting/cleansliness/scheduling/selfishness issues and I know how that goes!

sherrie ohio

Yes,those are very important aspects.And she's not getting it from BM or this shedule.I honestly wonder alot how this child will turn out.I see reason for concern already.In this tug of war with her parents.There's sighn's of behavior problems that are very noticeable to everyone but mom.The child doesnt know how to control herself verbally or physically.It has been comented on by the one teacher we've gotten to speak to briefly,other kids she goes to school with and total strangers,along with people both parents know.She is a child im afaid that is going to feel the effects of the life she being raised in grately.Not less something changes soon!Money is short and the two of us need the guide book for dummies in this roller coaster we call visitaion's. Thanks for listening. For Any and all info given we're gratefull.I hope your ex problem straighten's out  for your daughters sake and yours.Dont let her call all the shots like my husband did in the start of this whole mess.GOOD LUCK!!

sherrie ohio

My husbands daughter comes for a weekend visit with nasty attitude.She informs us mom said she doesnt need to go to study course no longer.Stab at dad,he mention he thought it done some go for her to go.Daughter didnt like going because they made her do the work and study.Mother knew this and told her she didnt have to go,she is her boss not dad.His daughter then informs us she's alowed to eat cake,suckers ect. when ever she feels like it at mom's.She gets to stay up as late as she likes and watch what she likes.Said with nasty tone!!Which led a weekend filled with my mom said or i'm alowed at my mom's all weekend.To top it all off mom calls with her attitude on how she's doing everything right and we're doing nothing right.I swear it's a wonder if i dont have a hole in my lip from biteing it so much this past weekend.I wish i knew a way to get through to their daughter that we have rules for reasons.They are the same rules our son lives by every day.Mom is realy playing up to the child,wanting her to see her as the nicer parent.I told my husband to stick to his guns and raise her when she's here the way he thinks best.At lease he'll know he's tried.If anyone out there has dealt with this type of thing before and have advice please share.Thanks!!

dontunderstand

I so feel you!  I told DH this last weekend that I am so sick and tired of hearing, "My mom this and my mom that"  cause you KNOW BM is the PERFECT PARENT.  Ya, a perfect parent that is about to go to jail, a perfect parent that sent SD to school with unwashed uncombed hair (she is bi-racial and hair needs extra attention) shoes 1 and 1/2 sizes TOO SMALL and socks that were black as tar (they were bought white) with holes in them, and teeth not brushed (not good for someone that has a mouth full of silver)  DH and I were pissed!  Now how in the hell is that not neglect???? DH and I said nothing to BM, according to her it is all SD's responsibility (she's 7).  We just made her brush her teeth, shower, I did her hair and she had clean sox and a pair of shoes that fit. And to top it off SD was 15 min. late to school the 2ND DAY! (last year 60 absences and 40 tardies)  When does it end?  
Well that is my vent, now about the nasty attitude WE GET IT ALL THE TIME!  When we tried to send home a pair of her shoes from over here SD response was, "I am not supposed to take your stuff home"  (They were her's that we had for here)  WHAT???  We have our house rules and we just remind her that over there she can do whatever she wants, but here at this house we speak and act with respect and if you can't or unwilling to do that then there will be consequences.  And we stick to it!  It may take years, but I promise you that if you give her limits and boundries and a set of standards to live by she will respect you!  Kids CRAVE stability, limits and boundries.  That makes them feel like you care and they are a part of a family unit so to speak.  I work in a teen crisis center and I can not tell you how many times kids have said they feel their parents don't care because they have NO RULES and no boundries.  Be consistant is the best advise I can give you even when it is hard and you want to "out do" mom so that you can be the "good guys" for once!

sherrie ohio

BM called thursday evening wants dad to take their daughter this weekend and maybe everyweekend during school.I wonder what happen to us being so bad?Daughter tells our son,her teacher wants her to go to study course.( The One dad thought was a good idea.)Their daughter shows up here with dirty hair and she smell's.Tells me she the one that gets herself ready and out the door.(freely given info,never asked.)Among other info.I wish sometimes we could have her here and have the money to buy more for her,dress her better and make shure she's cleaned up'd.We dont have alot,but i always make shure our son is clean and wearing clothes that fit and clean.Wonder if the court system would look at a notebook if you had wrote down things in it like BM nasty phone calls and daughter comeing here smelling?We saved a real nasty message on the answering machine.It was a call of cussing and the whole nine yards along with their daughter;s voice in the background asking if she was talking to dad.Well my husband going to ask to attend parent-teacher con. when they happen,wonder how that will go down.I can almost guess.And the weekend isnt over yet!

sherrie ohio

Our son goes to the same school that my husband daughter does this year.We attended Open House at school a meet and greet for teachers and parents.We were going to begin with because of our son,but my husband wanted to meet his daughter teacher to.We didnt know if this was something he shouldnt do or not but he wanted info on how his daughter was doing,more than a just fine he gets from mom.We went to her class,walk in and he told the teacher who we were.Asked how his daughter was doing.Decussed were they thought she had some trouble at,and her strong points.My husband gave his name and number to the teacher,explained we have her now about 3 weekends.And if there was ever anything he could do to help please let him know.We are hopeing he did the right thing.He just got tired of not haveing eny info on what was going on.He didnt say one bad thing about mom.Did we do the right thing?This cant be seen as some invasion of BM rights?He just wanted to know...

dontunderstand

You did the RIGHT thing!  How is it an "invasion of mom's rights?"  He is SD's DAD!  BM did not have her all by herself, no matter what delutional world she lives in!  In the courts eyes (our attorney told us) they WANT to see BOTH parents involved in school!  If you ever have to go to court you can show the court that you are involved with SD and her education dispite ALL of the road blocks BM set!  Get involved in every aspect of her life, that you possibly can apparently BM is not!

sherrie ohio

On the way home from work my husband went pass BM home,wanting to know how a doctors apt.went of their daughters.She had been complaining of her side hurting.BM said it went well just growing pains.Mother states other childs father is no longer working and they are once again liveing on the child support she gets from my husband and food stamps.My husband asked why she cant get support from other father,he use to live out of state and they were able to get it from him.She states they dont know were he is.My husband then asked how does she and the support office know he moved out of state.She didnt have and answer for that,except i dont know.Then she tells him there's no water,she has no money untill his next payment comes.Could you please help me.Saids daughter needs this and some of that.Of course as soon as she said their daughter needs he handed her money.I think the whole thing was a line of bull to get money from him.That the other dad is most likely still paying,she just seen a chance to get a few extra bucks.What about getting a job? I worked till i got sick.While our son was in school i was at work.Burns my a.. that he works 40 plus hours to support both places and neither of them do anything.Wonder if their unstable income and new step-dad record could be something brought up in court?He been good sense they married but has a long........record.I'm so tired of dealing with this bull its and every other day soap opera liveing this close to them.Drop in complaints,e-mails and non stop phone calls.I truely need a vacation from my life......Sorry for the rant this is the only way of getting it of my chest.

msme

First of all, Going to school is great. I understand you are ill but since I don't know your limitations, I will suggest that you may be able to volunteer a few hours a week, if you are able. You don't have to help in her class, just be a presence at the school. get to know all the staff. Establish yourself as a good, caring person.

I did this & the day that my son's ex beat his little girl's face black & blue, they came running looking for me. Right now, I hold a 30 minute class every morning, teaching times tables to 4th graders who haven't learned them yet. I take 6 kids at a time & there is a waiting list to get into my class.

The next time she says that one of the utilities are off, Go to the court house & ask for an emergency Ex Parte order, giving you temporary custody. Call the police & ask that they meet you there as a peace keeping presence so you can transfer custody of your child.

Since she is pulling these things, I would prepare for it by collecting evidence of her neglect. Take lots of pics. If you don't have a video camera, invest in one or borrow one. Keep a log. Write down every contact & and phone call with the child or her mother.

Keep coming back here. This site is wounderful. You now have great info at your fingertips & lots of new friends. The mantra here is document, document, document.

If I were in your position,, I would take her up on having her every weekend during the school year. I would look at the parenting plans on this site & take one & modify it to meet your needs. Then I would send it to her to sign or make any changes. If you both can reach an agreement on it, send it to the court. If she won't sign, then give her an ultimatum. Either she agrees or you will take it to court. You can do it pro se.

Hope this helps, good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

sherrie ohio

We must have done the right thing going to his daughters teacher and meeting her.Frday evening after school my son handed us a note from his sisters teacher,updateing Dad that his daughter had gotten a detention and was having some other problems atitude wise.And if she was with us what her homework was for the weekend.BM told my husband earlyer this week when he asked, that he could pick up their daughter,on saturday morning.So he'll make shure its done and sighn it when she gets here.Teacher asked that he sighn it to.We are taking this as a good sighn.There's another event(meet and greet) at school next month we are going again.Keeping mouths shut about mom and asking questions about their daughter.