Asked to give up our Christmas Visitation this year...

[dsm]

Because it very well could be with well intentions that it is being asked.  If they only get to see the relatives in WI once in awhile, I can see it being a valid question.   So just take it as a business thing and answer matter-of-factly.   Thanks for the consideration, but no, we won't be deviating this year.

:)
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dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....

[wendl]

Guess she should plan on seeing inlaws during her year she has xmas.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[nosonew]

I agree with all the others.. NO change from C.O. period.

However, you may possibly get in writing from her that NEXT year you may do it if she gives you 2 extra weeks in the summer for the Xmas xchange. Get my meaning?

DON'T do it this year... let her prove her ability to give you extra time and then FOLLOW thru on your promise.

Get more time with your ss.. how about Spring Break even? That is at least a week isn't it?

Good luck! Stick to your guns... no reasoning needed!

[flewwellin]

Easter and spring break is one in the same and we get that EVERY year so that wouldn't benefit us at all.

The other idea may be something to think about.

[flewwellin]

In no way will I or the kids father be able to think of the kids and their time with us as a business deal.  I am sorry that this woman won't be able to take the kids to WI without violating a CO however like I listed above she has them 316 days out of 365 and if she can't squeeze in some time for them to see their extended family during her time that truly isn't our problem.

[flewwellin]

She does have Christmas with them every year.  From the first day they are out until the 26th.

[MixedBag]

You know -- there's the school of thought to stick to an order 100% of the time and that causes less conflict.  However that causes conflict when stuff comes up on both sides and both sides might want to deviate from what the order says at one point in the child's 18 years.  Never say never.

There's the school of thought to be flexible and show cooperation whenever possible.  However, one side feels like they are always giving and never getting, or the sense of balance is totally lost when the NCP actually looses time -- what little time they have -- with the child(ren).

In my opinion, you gotta find that perfect balance and you know how the CP is better than any of us.

I have one EX where we've totally "ignored" the order for several years now and he has seen the girls more often each year but over shorter periods of time.  Cooperation has worked for us -- because my girls want shorter time with dad and I've put my foot down and said NOPE you gotta make your dad a priority.

My suggestion (since there is time) is to respond in writing -- no verbal agreements.

Where is the real harm in saying:

1.  Yes, I'll gladly have Thanksgiving this year which is X days.

2.  And the difference will/can be made up next summer.

3.  Yes, you can have them for the entire Christmas break....

Ask her to confirm via a notorized letter back to you.....and then see if Thanksgiving goes smoothly.

If it doesn't, then you immediately write her and say "Since CP didn't comply with the agreement, it is null and void and you look forward to having them for Christmas as outlined in the order."

We alternate holidays.....and you could "move" Christmas this year to a weekend in January and plan a weekend trip for a change.  I know, expensive, but I make a 12-hour drive once a month to go see my son.  MLK weekend -- is probably a 3-day holiday for work and school....

Think about it....

[dsm]

It's the relationship between the ex and you - and that is what should be considered a business relationship.   If you keep emotion and angst in the mix when you are dealing with the ex, then it makes it difficult to see through all that.  Business relationships communicate in a way that is short, sweet, to the point.  That is what I was trying to get through to you.

Absolutely your relationship with the kids and the kids themselves are more dear to you.  And you respond differently with them.

Find where you can compromise, and when those times come up, do so.  But you also have the order for a reason and you can use that as your foundation to retain your time with the kids.

MixedBag gives some good things to think about in her post too.
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dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
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2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....