Willfully wants to increase visitation?

[Haleymn]

I am looking to see if anyone has a good idea to get visitation increased for the NCP.
I was never married, so no divorce, no visitation schedule set.
I the only thing that there is on record is every other weekend starting Friday after school and ending Sunday evening at 6:00pm.

This was set up through a OFP that I got because he needed to get control of his temper at that time in life.

He can be, and is most of the times a really good father!!
But if I ask him to take the kids, in advance on a given day or night to help me out. Working out of town and I won't get home until 7-8pm.
At times I have asked him to pick them up and take them to practice or to a DR. appt.

He has very flexable hours with his job as he is self-employee. I am not self employeed I just have a very understanding boss.

But if I ask him for this "Favor" he more often then not, will tell me it is not his weekend!!

We are normally flexable about the weekends, we don't fight or anything. I would like to at times because of the frustration level at being told It's not my weekend!"

I am thinking about just asking him to please consider taking the 2, who are almost 13 & 12 yrs old. for a 3-4 day weekend a month...or more if he would like.

I seriously am very easy to get along with and I only want what the kids want. They do want to spend more time with him, he even tells them No when they call to see if he can pick them up for a few hours!!

Anyway should I just ask him and get the response I feel I will get? If he doesn't want that, should I tell him then that my only recourse will be to go to court and ask for a better visitation arrangement?

What do you do, when the father doesn't want the kids more then 4 days a month?

Wow...he just called and I asked him about this. He agreed but said he needed to ask his girlfriend since it is her house they live in!!
She interfers a lot with him and the kids. I told him I need this visitation to start within the month, and if he comes back and tells me that she says no, they can not come to stay at her house, I will take it to court!

OK so now the question is, which court? Family Court? Who does a person go to, to get additional visitation? I realize that NO one can make him pick up the kids, but I think he would listen to a judge if he, told him to pick them up. Because the past shows that the father did listen to the Judge when he told him to for the weekend visitations....

The father is suppose to pay CS of $365.00 a month which he mainly chooses not to pay. So it is not like he has an overwhelming burden placed on him. Or an unfair arrangement like what happens so often.

As I said he does work, it is just for cash! However I did get money last month from a different job.

Any ideas?

[ocean]

You can not force him to take them more. Does he live in the same school distrcit as you? Maybe you could do a split week? I would not have threatened court because you can not really go in there and say you need him to take them more (he may go for custody saying you can not handle it). I would try to reason with him some more and keep offering in advance an extra day here and there. Maybe make up a calendar for the next 3 months using their school vacations/days off for longer weekends. Good luck!

[gipsy]

I am in support of trying to be nice about it ! I don't think the court will order him to do care taking ,
   Wierd how some of us want to do more with our children ,And can't becuase of the court order , And you can't order him to do any thing with the kids that they need ,
   Try asking Socrateaser
  On the other hand 360 per month is pretty small , And I wonder what imputed income would do As far as getting some day care ,
  Maybe in a non threatening way you could tell him Daycare will cost money and you would like him to have the kids instead,
  I don't think you will have to go over the fact that he will be paying part of daycare , It seems to be common knowledge , Then give it a week to sink in and ask again if he doesn't respond ?

[Haleymn]

Yes we live in the same school district and finally this is the first year that the kids can catch a bus to and from his girlfriends house. She also has a boy the same age and in the same grade as our Daughter.

I know, isn't it odd that some parents are not allowed to see their kids more. And I have one that is almost the opposite and seems quite content to only see them 4 days a month!!

CS income was figured out of a supposed income that he would only be able to make in the future. The records and income statements at the time of the seperation for him were for $15.00-$22.00 an hour. But since he had a full year in which to set up a different job history, the judge allowed a $10.00 pr hour income!! This was set and no proof of this has ever been documented...anyway because of his income level compared to mine when figuring out Day care (when I really could have used it) my income was greater then his supposed income, so he was awared that paying Child Care for him would be substantially unfair!
On the way out of the court house he said under his breath, Hah, got you B****!!! and he laughed!
I went from being a stay at home mother to 4 kids, to the major bread winner and full time worker so that I would have a home for us!
He also sold our house of 11 years so he was able to live off of that money for that year and didn't need to show an income. My name was not on the title. we live in Minnesota. Laywer told me, that for me to want back any of the profit from the sale of that house, would be like me asking a landlord to get back 1/2 my rent for the last 11 years!!
I still am not sure that was really the right advice...too late now anyhow!
That made me cry as I had proof that I had made substanticial payments towards it also. ($ from my parents to help us out)

I am not afraid of him going for joint or full custody of the children. He can't even come close to finding me an unfit mother...I am not sure I fully understand what full custody means...what are the benefits or disadvantages?????
I am the only one that has a home that is owned by a parent of these kids. He has been kicked out of his girlfriends house frequently when they fight about the kids being there!
My one hope would be is that this would end that bad relationship and he would need to get a home of his own where the kids could be themselfs...Girlfriend is not mean to the kids, she takes it out on him!!?
But the kids do witness some of it. They are free to come home anytime they want from visiting there, all they need to do is a phone call and I am less then 10 minutes away if I speed and I have!!

WE were never married, I don'tknow if that matters or not. He signed the recognition of parentage in the Hosp. when they were both born. And yes they are his...I don't need to go on Maury and test 10 guys!! LOL I am smilin when I am writing this,,,I am not being anywhere near a smart A** ;o)

Who is Socrateaser? I am new here and don't know who or what that is?
Anyway sorry for getting so long with this...and unfortunately I know I can't make him do this...maybe pleading like he is doing me a favor and being my savior will bring him around!

[Haleymn]

>
>Who is Socrateaser? I am new here and don't know who or what
>that is?

Forget it I found Socratease!! Thanks!!

[smtotwo]

spend more time with our 14 yr old son.  And, I'm sorry to say this, but he has a bit of a self important attitude.  I know, he's 14.  But just a break once on a while would be GREAT.  He used to do at least 1 weekend a month but since his g/f moved in it hasn't even been that anymore.

DH and I can't make plans for a weekend away because we never know if ex will be taking son for the weekend.

Its very frustrating for us in that DH would love to spend more time with his sons and his ex is so inflexible, and my son wants to spend more time with his dad but dad doesn't want to or can't take him.

But we can't force him and you can't either.  THey are how they are.  We just do the best we can.