Need help in NJ, it's an odd one.

[hd2000fxdl]

Have a very odd situation. The state is NJ where all of this has and still is happening.

First off, The Mother of the child and I are married and living happily together with the child. The child was born prior to her getting a divorce; at that time I was not legally the parent in the states eyes. After the divorce of my wife and her former husband I was still not awarded parental rights. It was some time latter that the agreement was made between my wife and her former husband to have him relinquish all parental rights and have me shown as the Childs legal and custodial guardian. Now that we have accomplished the most important thing, having the biological child of my wife and I legally ours.

Now there was an adjustment made to the original divorce decree between my wife and her former husband, however due to some reason beyond me (well thinking as the father of the child), visitation is still be awarded the Ex-Husband. Now this person is not biologically affiliated with the child at all, the child is living with her real parents, the child that is 6 ½ years old now has know me as her father from the time she was 1 years old.

Ok now that you have that information I will get on with my question. Now the divorce decree is between my wife and her Ex-husband. According to the decree, the Ex-husband is now basically a court ordered baby sitter. Being that this agreement is between my wife and her Ex-husband can I as the biological, legal & custodial parent stop any and all visitations being I have not made any agreement in regards to visitation with the Ex-husband or courts.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

[Sunshine1]

Huh!  That is a good one.  Why on earth was visitation awarded?  Are you the biological father or was the ex husband the father and he relinquished his rights to you?

If you legally adopted this child and he terminated his rights, he shouldn't have any rights to visitation whatsoever unless that was the agreement you ALL came to.  I have heard of that happening before.

If the child has never been aquainted with this person and has no knowledge of him, and the Ex doesn't request visitation with the kid, then I would let sleeping dogs lie.  If the answer is he does want visitation or has been having visititation with the child, you may want to keep with that in the best interests of the child.

That is a wierd situation though I must say.  If you answer some of those questions above, I think others can chime in and help you get to the resolution, or at least head you in the right direction on what to do next.

[hd2000fxdl]

""Huh! That is a good one. Why on earth was visitation awarded? Are you the biological father or was the ex husband the father and he relinquished his rights to you?""

I am the biological father and am married the  biological mother, the child was born while she was still married and he was on the birth cert but that is all changes am I am the legal father in the eyes of the law.

""If you legally adopted this child and he terminated his rights, he shouldn't have any rights to visitation whatsoever unless that was the agreement you ALL came to. I have heard of that happening before.""

Yes the lawyer that was used said that he had to have visitation rights being that it was in the divorce decree, and said the main thing was to get the child listed as my child in the eyes of the law.

""If the child has never been aquainted with this person and has no knowledge of him, and the Ex doesn't request visitation with the kid, then I would let sleeping dogs lie. If the answer is he does want visitation or has been having visititation with the child, you may want to keep with that in the best interests of the child.""

He has seen the child, he has had visitation with the child. Also it is very visible that the only reason he is even going through any of this is to upset my wife. this has been noted by all who know about this situation.

""That is a wierd situation though I must say. If you answer some of those questions above, I think others can chime in and help you get to the resolution, or at least head you in the right direction on what to do next.""

Yes it is a weird situation; however reading the law and how poorly my wife's original divorce was handled it doesn't surprise me at all. Her EX was never even required to pay child support that the state seems to require at the time of divorce, not that we wanted any but he didn't want to relinquish his rights as a father at the time. The EX finally did release control to me because it was going to be awarded by the court anyway in the long run and opted to save money on that battle.

Either way, I see it as any and all signed and agreed upon legal documents do not have my signature on them at all, being I now do have rights in any and all decisions for the child along with my wife, and her EX has absolutely none. I as the father would like to stop any and all visitations.
Here is an example of just one thing that bothers me, Visitation are every other weekend from Friday @ 1900 through Sunday @ 1300. Now what happens if the child needed medical attention and my wife and I were not reachable? The EX would have no authorization to allow any medical care. I know that is a far-reaching example but one to think about.

If there is anything that is unclear and any additional information need by anyone please let me know and I will answer and promptly as possible.

Thank you

[Sunshine1]

All I have to say is this is insane.  I would stop all visitation with this guy immediately.  Court order or not.  Would he seriosly fight you for visitation rights?  You need to post this on the Socrateaser's board on how to get that visitation out of that Divorce decree. (make sure you follow the guidelines) He has no legal rights to that child whatsoever.  You have already established that you are the father....Hmmmmm,   He gave up his rights...after the divorce decree was signed right?  I believe that nullifes any previous visitation orders.... i think...anyone???  anyone??

What a psycho for wanting a relationship with this child!  Maybe others think differently, but I for one think it is waaay too nuts.  Why on earth would he want visitation with a child that isn't even his and it is another man's child with his EX-WIFE??

That would be like me asking for visitation of my ex-husband's child he just had with his new wife.  That is crazy!  This guy is certainly using this as a way to keep his ex close.  Get rid of him!

[Sunshine1]

This is what I would do.....If he wants to continue this visitation if those rights were terminated AFTER the decree.  If he wants to keep this up, all I would do is give him 2 words... CHILD SUPPORT.  And you are in NJ, I believe NJ implements child support until age 21.

I bet he re-thinks his visitation rights again.

That is just my 2 cents and is probably not the "moral" road to take, but  I am a stubborn woman so that is how I would get my point across before legal action had to take place..but seriously post this on Soc's board.

[hd2000fxdl]

Thnks you for your input, and advise for the other board. I will ask my question there also and see wht type of responce I get.
I do agree it's a very odd situation, and am looking for the best way to get out of this without getting the courts upset in the process.

I will monitor the responces here as well as the other place.

Thank you

[jolawanda]

1. Are you the biological dad or not? I don't see where you answered that as a yes or no?

2. what do you wnat to see happen? Are attached to this kid, IF and ONLY IF you answered NO to #1?

3. What county in NJ?

4. are you paying CS?

5. Do you have a lawyer?

6. How old is this kid?

[hd2000fxdl]

Sorry for the late reply.

1. Are you the biological dad or not? I don't see where you answered
that as a yes or no?

Yes I am the Bio dad

2. what do you wnat to see happen? Are attached to this kid, IF and ONLY IF you answered NO to #1?

3. What county in NJ?

Middlesex,

4. are you paying CS?

The child lives with me and my wife who are both the BIO parents to the child.

5. Do you have a lawyer?

Not right now, will be looking for one when I get a little better idea of what I am in for

6. How old is this kid?

The child is 6 years old, has know me as her dad from the time she was 1, has lived with me for the past 4 years

[jolawanda]

how was it that the x-dad had any parental rights? Was he on the birth cert or something? Have you had a dna test done? Does this x-dad mistreat the kid? Are all of you (adults) amicable?

Middlesex? Oh GOD MAN.....RUN, run for your life! I just cringed when I read that. We have been dealing w/ middlesex for 15 years.

DO NOT hire Ed Schoifett out of New Brunswick....DO NOT!~

I would scoot on over to the Dear Socrateaser board and ask your questions over there. He is excellent and make sure you follow his board rules, or he won't answer your ?????'s. He IS a lawyer and follow his advice. He HATES NJ, just hates it~

There is a link on this site for lawyers that people have used and there is one there Leon soemthing out of NJ that is VERY helpful and WAY pro fathers rights.

[gnick]

 I live in Ohio and it is state law here that if you have a child and are legally married reguardless of paternity your husband by law must be listed as the father on the birthcertificate.  I had been seperated from my (now) ex-husband for 2 years and was living with the my daughters birth father. I had to wait until the divorce was final and have it noted in the divorce decree that he was not the father of my youngest. Considering both men agreed on the actual paternity of the child no DNA testing was ordered. However I recently tried to get a copy of the birth certificate which reflected the change of the listed father. Vital statistics office told me that only the birth father could get a court order for the change and he would have to file for the birth certificate. My suggestion would be to see that this change was made and then to consult an attorney as to what rights you have. I do not understand how the court would order visitation if it is legally found that this man has no biological connection with the child. Good luck to you.