Military overseas visitation question...

[MadMav]

Hello all!

Quick rundown....I am military and will be getting married in the near future, and I am wondering how to help my future wife deal with custody/visitation of her childeren when and if we get stationed overseas. She has primary costody, and she curently lives in the same town with her ex so he gets quite a bit of the childrens time now. He really doesn't care for the boys, he is quite vindictive and does things to just hurt her. She will be moving to my town(4 hours away), so we know that they have to go back to the mediator to amend vistation due to the distance. What are some usual visitation senerios for a situation like this? Mostly worried about overseas.

Thank you for your time,

Mav

[MadMav]

Does anyone have a clue? Thank you for your help,

Mav

[reellis527]

I have just read a great deal about relocation today.

He has the burden of proof that the move will negatively affect the children and she has to prove that the move will benefit the kids and be beneficial, examples are she is now married and your income is xyz, she won't be working and has more time to spend with the kids.  Another good argument she can present is that she would still share visitation but it would be based around the distance and that you all are willing (if you are) to cover the transporation costs, or 70% of costs or something.  How old are the kids?

[MadMav]

Thank you for the help. The boys are 8 and 9 right now. Right now, I can't see this coming up for a few years, but preperation never hurt. I don't even know if he would sign the childrens passports simply out of spite. It's really a pain for me, and for the mother as you can imagine.

Thanks again,
Maverick

[MixedBag]

Both parents must sign a passport application.

So if I were you, I'd file some kind of motion with the court the day after you two marry in order to establish what will happen when you get orders.

We all know you will get orders.....unless you're with about 2 years of hitting retirement.

READ all the articles here on re-location along with what your particular state's codes say so you know what you're up against.

Many readers/folks here are against the CP relocating away from the NCP.  I've lived in Turkey, CA, England, WV, and AL (with a dad who moved from FL to Germany, to DC, to Korea, to CO, to VA, to HI in the years when I was/am in AL.).....  So I'm a parent who believes moves with children doesn't mean it will hurt them automatically, but not many will agree with me.

On the flip side, it's not Mom who has the career and stuff that the laws are talking about when you read them.  It's you who has the career....So many think along the lines that "You can continue your career and mom goes with you, but the children stay behind with dad."

Uphill battle if you ask me, and the sooner you start the sooner you will know the outcome.

Good luck!  

[MadMav]

Thank you for taking the time to help with this. I know that both parents must sign, and I'm sure that he will use this against us in the future. Good idea about filing a motion or something in case I do get overseas orders. I have spent most of my career overseas so far, so I might never have to do it again, but I want to be sure of my future. I will read them all, thanks for the heads up.

It just makes sense that the CP will move away from the NCP. That's life. I grew up in 22 different states and lived in 54 different school zones, so I know from a childs point of view that coping isn't that hard. I even think it broadens their preperation for the future.

As far as the it's my career and not the Mom's, that sucks. I do not want this to become a me or the children thing, because it just isn't fair to them, her or me. She already can't stand the way their father is with the kids, and I know she won't want them with him all the time. I will end up losing then. It sucks that I have to worry about so much just because I'm in love. I guess we just need to play it by ear and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Thanks,
Maverick