one more thing

[starluvr496]

My daughter's father volunteered to come to our town to see her which is great. But I also think it's kinda of "interesting" that he only became interested now that he found out that his girlfriend's sister lives in the same town as my daughter and I. (We attend the same college.)

In response to the christmas misunderstanding he said "well now I can't see her until the middle of January, because I won't have anywhere to stay, unless you want me to bring my parents and I don't think you want that."

That made it very to me that it isn't really that much about seeing his daughter (because yes, it would be a long drive here and back in one day, but if the situation were reversed I'd do it so I could see her sooner.) I think it's just about showing her off because when they came back from Walmart he had not only the girlfriend but her sister with her, and they stayed the rest of the day and then ofcourse the girlfriend came back the next day.

This isn't a situation of me being jeolous of his girlfriend or anything, but does anyone have a suggestion of how I could politely say "maybe your time with your daughter could be better spent without you hanging all over your girlfriend?" I mean I wouldn;t say it quite like that ofcourse, more about how they could bond better otherwise?

I tried to let them have "their time" by keeping myself busy in the other room on Saturday, but Sunday all he did was WATCH TV with his arm around his girlfriend ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS HERE! He ignored our girl for over 2 hours! Even though I know it's supposed to his parenting time, I kept asking him if he wanted to play a game with her or take her outside and he just said "this is fine." So I played with her. He refers to it as "hanging out" with her instead of parenting time, so would it be rude of me to make a no TV rule while he's here? (Part of me wants to really say one day per weekend is enough, but I'm trying to be fair)

[sherrie ohio]

I think if you set down a guideline he has to follow it will show if its just to show her off to his girlfriend, or if he's truely trying.I agree with you he shoudnt have brought the girlfriend's sister.There was no reason for her to be there,unless she was his ride.Even then she could have went somewhere for the time period.
As far as the girlfriend herself i think she should have been there at least one day.Because more than likely if your daughter ever goes to his home overnight she'll be there.And your child needs time to get to know her.But she doesnt need to be there every visit!
As far as the t.v., unplug it! Or move it out of the room before he get's there.Or direct them to another area of the house or the yard maybe?
If this is just a case of showing off to the girlfriend it will get old to him fast if you give him a timeline.I've seen both side's to men/women wanting and not wanting to be parents,it can be real ruff for the children.Best of luck!!!

[catherine]

for all parties involved, he has visitation elsewhere.  It must be uncomfortable for all of you.  And remember, "hanging out" is his parenting style right now, and there is nothing you will ever be able to do to change how he chooses to spend time with your child together.  Gotta let go of the control there ...... not worth it.

[catherine]

for all parties involved, he has visitation elsewhere.  It must be uncomfortable for all of you.  And remember, "hanging out" is his parenting style right now, and there is nothing you will ever be able to do to change how he chooses to spend time with your child together.  Gotta let go of the control there ...... not worth it.

[Ref]

With all of the troubles that your child will have in her life, these complaints seem pretty trival.

You are spending a lot of energy questioning his motivations and criticizing his parenting. Hell, you might do a better job at it then him, but it doesn't seem like he is doing too bad.

About having the gilfriend and her sister there, I can totally relate to his position. I would want to be there if DH was having to spend time at his ex's home to see his daughter. I have had too many stories about how BM's set up DH's by inviting them in their house and lie about getting hit or raped or even just yelled at. I wouldn't want to be witnessless if I were him no matter how nice you are.

When BF spends time with his daughter in a group, imagine that he is probably feeling very volnerable and probably needs or desires the moral support. Does he complain when you spend time with your friends and the child?

Anyway, I would relax and have him leave the house for his visitation. Away from your watchful eye, he will probably be able to have a more natural relationship with you daughter.

Good Luck and Relax.

Ref

[starluvr496]

I agree with part of what your saying, but the part about him not tooing bad. Well if he keeps on seeing on her like he said he would then I'll agree:) thanks for being honest though and not attacking my position like happened on another forum.