Replacement Time

[prince13]

DH's son has a church retreat on his next parenting weekend. BM emailed and informed him of this telling him, not asking if it was ok for the son to go. DH emailed her stating he would like a make up weekend for the time lost since he only gets EOW during the school year and his time with the children is limited. He won't see son for the next two weekends after this one as Easter Falls in there and it is BM's holiday this year.

Do you think his request for make-up time is unreasonable? DH drives 4 hours EOW to see his children, as BM will not meet him 1/2 way.

Well no response from BM yet on the make up time, but she did say something to the said child, as son is now angry with his Dad. Once again, she is putting the child in the middle. DH told son that this was between his Mom and him. We will see what happens.

1) She will cave an give the make up time (least likely)
2) She will tell son he can't go to the retreat and blame Dad so son is angry with Dad
3) She will send the child anyway and then she will be in contempt

Opinions, advice?

ThankS!

[wysiwyg]

When we have this situation we tell BM that in absence of an agreement for a weekend switch so that child can see Dad AND do activity, then we will be there at 6 PM to get the child.  PERIOD.  THis all comes after we decide if the weekend switch will be ok wiht us or if the weekend we are supposed to have already has family plans.  If we have plans then our plans and our family take precidence.

Hope this helps.

[prince13]

we can try that, but the BM will do whatever she wants anyway. The child will not be able to see Dad, and do this activity as his church retreat is an overnight in another state. DH already drives 4 hours one way EOW to see his children. Now he will miss more time with his son.

[lawless]

I think this is a hard one since son will be with neither parent on that weekend.  Of course, it is reasonable that the parent who has him more would allow Dad to have an extra weekend since this is in the child's best interest to not go that many weeks without seeing his father.  I could see how she would argue that he isn't with her either when he is away on a church retreat.  The main point is that since this is during his time, he should make this decision.   Is there any way for Dad to go to and participate in the church retreat with his son?  Wouldn't that be a great solution?!

I will cross my fingers fo response #1 for you!

Lawless

[wysiwyg]

If this is Dad's weekend, and he does not agree to a switch or to allow the child to go, and if the child is not there, then file contempt.  In our case that happened several times to us, however we finally got her on 2 contempts for doing this same thing.  We have three more in the waiting on this as well and face that this weekend and our next 2 weekends together with the child.  If she send the child to his activities, it will be 9 weeks of not seeing my child.  Of course I am not an attorney and can not say what is or is not, I am simply stating my opinion.  If she argues that the child is not with her I would argue back that it was HER who signed the child up to go and subsequently gave up her time, you on the other hand did not agree that the child could go therefore you did not voluntarily give up your time with your son.

[prince13]

That is a great idea about participating in the retreat, but for a few reasons that is not possible. 1) He has two other children who need him that weekend, 2) BM has bad-mouthed him up and down in the small town that he would be completely uncomfortable going to something like that. It is difficult enough to attend some of the kids sports things--there are whispers and stares behind our backs.

What we don't understand is that their daughter was in Italy a year ago and missed a weekend with Dad, but she gave a make up weekend for that during the summer. Why is it too difficult for her to do that now?

The response we got from her email basically stated that "she didn't understand what he was asking". Yeah, right? When Dad asked son if he had a problem with a make up weekend he said no, but Mom does!!!  Then she went on to say that she had already paid for this blah blah blah even though it was Dad's weekend. Well, we never agreed to let him go.

The battle is never ending, isnt' it?

[lawless]

I have a really stupid question so please forgive me in advance...What actually happens when you get a contempt order against and ex wife who denies visitation.  Does it actually do anything?  I mean no one is going to put her in jail because then the kids would have no mother, right?  I have never understood if that would do any good or if it just makes us feel good when it happens.  Does it do anything in your case?

Thanks for the info...We have been reluctant to keep going back to court because we don't feel that it would actually do anything.

Lawless

[wysiwyg]

In our case the BM straightens up for a time then falls back into the same routine.  But in our county the judge has set the bar in that he tossed a BM in jail for the number of days she denied BD.  As far as the kid not having a mom, I understand that, but cratively speaking what I have read is that the judge can sentence that she serve the time on weekends the child is with dad.  I do understand the going back to court, been there and ongoing for 12 years here and 90K in the hole for attorney's fees.