long distance parenting plan

[DAVE1967]

Hello.  I am new ot this.  Here is my situation.  My ex-wife and I divorced seven years ago.  we have a visitation schedulke in place that works for  both of us.  we have had our bumps in the road like everyone else.  Two and half years a go I remarried.  My new wife was offered a job in North carolina (charlotte area) that pays three times what she is making here and almost double what i make.  The court in connecticut granted me the right to leave the state.  I am in the proess fo trying to modify the current visitation order with my ex-wife.  She has an atorney who is very aggressive and rude.  In no loss for words has basically said that i can go pound sand for what i am looking for.  Now,  before i tell you what i asked for let me preface this by saying that a year and half ago I was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder that keeps me from working full time.  My current wife ahs worked two jobs to keep us afloat.  this move will allow us to  live comfrotable within our means.

  I have propsed the following visitation schedule which i thought was fair:

every summer vacation  beginning one week after school ends to one week before school begins.

Every other year i get chrsitmas break from the day school ends to 36 hours before school begins.

The same school years i get christmas vacation i also receive spring break with the same time schedule.

The opposite years I woudl get thanksgiving break and winter recess.

So,  in essence I get our daughter three times a year.  She told me that was too much.  Also,  wants me to pay ALL costs involved in picking up and returning the child to her and I am responsible for the travel both ways.

  I told her I would go one way and she go the other way and we are each responsible for our own expenses.  I am on a limited budget and income because of my illness and have one child with my new wife and anothe on the way and can not  do that kind of travel or expense.

  We have a court date in two weeks.  Any feedback of precedents on how a judge might sway on this situation woudl be greatly appreciated.

[Giggles]

I also do long distance with my OD but we don't have it formerly written up as her father and I get along pretty good and he usually lets me have her whenever...that's the most ideal situation.

I think the points you need to compromise on are the summer breaks, Mom needs to also have some time during the summer to have a "vacation" with the child.  So perhaps shorten this by having the child return 2 weeks prior to school starting.  That way the child also gets back on schedule and time to shop for school items.

Transportation...unfortunately, you are the party moving so you should be the one responsible for the transportation costs...HOWEVER...you may get a reduction in Child support due to having to pay the transportation cost...this is an avenue to look into.  Also, sign up for SouthWest Airlines Frequent Flyer program (in the childs name).  In as little as 4 round trip flights you could earn a "FREE" flight to anywhere SW flies and it can be used by anyone!!  I usually get 1 free flight per year...and this year I used it to go to Vegas!! hehehe  The good thing about SW airlines is that they DO NOT charge for an Unaccompanied minor (not sure how old your child is) like many other airlines do...those could add up to over $120 per trip!!  SWAirlines also has a program called "Ding" where you can get special limited time offers on reduced fares.

I think it's good that you want to alternate holidays and other breaks from school.  Depending on how long those breaks are, they could be split between the parents.  Most Christmas/winter breaks are 2 weeks long.  So an alternative could be that Mom gets the 1st half of break to include christmas day in even years, father would get 2nd half of break to include christmas day in odd years...or something to that effect.

You may also want to have a clause in there that if there is an extended break from school (such as a 3 day weekend), father has the right to request visitation provided 2 week notice is given....I do this alot.  I have a print out of my daughters school calendar and since I'm a gov't employee I get many holidays where I have 3 day weekends.  If she has an extended weekend, then I ask if she can come visit.

The best advice I have is to sit down with the child's school calendar so you know exactly when the child has off.  Most schools also have projected calendars so you can get a general idea of when they are out of school.  Write out all the visitation you want BUT have in mind what you're willing to compromise on.  I get soo irritated when these BM's complain about the fathers getting too much time.  THey have the child ALL YEAR long....grrr  In my son's case his father moved to WI.  He has to pay for all transportation costs (because he's the one who moved) and he's ordered to have 6 weeks in the summer, every other holiday etc.  When his father wants him...he can have him is my opion on it.  I have son most of the time and he NEEDS to have time with his father...so when his father asks...he gets.  That's the way it should work!! sigh

Good Luck!!! and sorrry this got so long...

[cowboy crazy]

We have a long distance plan too and what your asking for is pretty common but you are shorting yourself some time.  As the other poster said you should word it in there that you get xxx amount of the extended weekends that are either school breaks or holidays such as Good Friday, Labor Day .. ect.

We get 1/2 of every Christmas Break, every other Thanksgiving, summer break, every Spring Break and then one weekend per month of our choosing and if it is a holiday or school break then we get the whole weekend.  Our court order is in Texas and this is a standard long distance plan in Texas.

Good Luck

[Giggles]

but I think this poster maybe ordered to pay all transportation costs and with his limited income, that could be difficult.  BUT it would be better to have it ordered and not be able to use it, than want it but not be able to have it.

[Ref]

DH gets Sd All summer but the first two weeks and the last week
Every other school break (very specifically spelled out)
Half of Xmas (alternating the half that has xmas and the half that has new years)
Any weekend so long as he gives BM 7 days notice.

I think you aren't asking for enough, honestly.

As far as paying for visitation goes, you might have to accept that as your penalty for moving for more $$. Usually the person that moves pays. Many times it is considered in Child support adjustment though, so if you can't agree on her paying anything and there is a reason to modify child support, try to use that as an offset.

My advice to you is to find the "standard visitation" for your area and modify it to suit your situation. I would DEFINATELY not settle for 3 times a year.

Good Luck
Ref

[wendl]

I agree thi poster will probably have to pay all the travel expenses as he is the one that moved.

My dh and I moved out of state and we pay all the travel expenses as we were the ones that moved.

With the travel you may be able to get a credit on your child support, each state is a little diferent.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Gram]

I wonder where the chld's needs fit into this. How can a child have a meaningful relationship with a parent he sees so infrequently? Finances are important, but isn't there a way to find new employment close to where your chld lives? You have enough money to start your new family, which was your choice. Did you consider your child's needs in your budget when you decided to have two more kids? If you can't afford to pay the cost of transportation to go and see him on a regular basis, maybe you shouldn't be moving away from him.

[Ref]

I would agree with you, but sometimes it really isn't that simple. I have had 4 people in my family , from top execs to blue collar lose their jobs in the past few years, and the market really isn't that rosey. Sometimes moving is the only option to obtain decent employment, especially one with health benefits.

It also isn't fair to ask someone to go back in time to change their situation. There are plenty of people out there with more children than they can afford and it is definatley not a great thing, but how can that be changed? The children are here and this is the issue that he is left with. Shoot, I think many of us would change our decisions if we could to better the our lives and the lives of the people we care about.

If is comes down to a financial situation. I would see if the increase in income will be much more than the increase in visitation costs. It is only up to the original poster to decide if he really wants to do this and if it is the right thing to do in this situation.

[DAVE1967]

Thanks for all the input.  In a perfect world I would not be relocating.  In fact this is the last resort.  Part of it has to do with  a rare blood disorder I got from a bite a year and half ago.  The only known specialist in the area I need treatment for this is located down in charlotte north carolina.  the second is that I had a great job as a top executive for over 15 years.  Made good money and lived well within my means.  However;  got sick, company moved and I got laid off and have dwindled through retirement funds and everything else I have saved to try and make it up here in connecticut.  unfortuantley the job market is not that great and i need to be able to travel one week a month to Carolina for a blood transfusion.  that makes it real tough to get a job.  Besides the transportation costs involved.

  walk a mile in my shoes first...before criticizing me.  My kids are my life.  I am the cub scout group leader and active in a father daughter/son program through the YMCA  with all my kids and the kids soccer and baseball coaches.  Nothing is more important to me than my kids and my wife.  There just comes a time when I had to make a tough descision and after six months of agonizing over it this is the only opportunity that makes sense for the whole family.

  So,  please do not criticize me or any other poster for what they want to do without knowing why they are doing it.   the reason we are here is because of our kids.  And I do thank everyone for their input.  it has been helpful.
 

[Giggles]

but if you explain to the judge that the reason you're moving is due to medical reasons....they might order split in travel costs???  I highly doubt it...but you won't know unless you ask.