Visitation and overall issues

[norm9838]

I have questions that I am hoping maybe I can get some advice with.

I filed contempt charges against my ex-girlfriend over Thanksgiving. After that everything fell apart and I knew that it would. The weekend before our court date she finally hired an attorney and he counterfiled claims against me on the morning of court so needless to say it was continued and that was March.

She came back and said I denied her visitation from the past. (Lets see she is the primary caregiver so how could i have refused her when I pick my daughter up there?)

Too,up until the point where I was not being allowed to have her on holidays we always tried to negotiate (which usually meant i did not want a fight so i gave in) so we never went by our holiday schedule until she cut me out completely.

Then she said that I was taking action and saying things to erode the relationship between her and our daughter.  
1. I got upset when my daughter made reference to herself with my ex-girlfriends husbands last name and not mine.  Its on everything.
2.   I get upset when my daughter tells me that I do not have any right to make choices concerning her but then I am told by my daughter that she can not walk our family dog of 13 years who was raised with her because stepdad says she is not to.
3.  I get upset when everything is a competition and everything that is bought for her from their house is only purchased by stepdad. Her clothes, her toys, her pets.  My fiancee asked her once if mom never bought her anything and her response was mom pays the bills. All of that started because my fiancee bought her new school clothes.
 
So now we our going to try to hash it out in a room and if we can come to an agreement there will be no court date.

1. I feel that the only people that should be there for this meeting should be her attorney, my attorney and her and I. After all it is our daughter. My fiancee said she did not want to be there she feels that this should just be between the two of us and feels that I already know how she feels. She said your the parent not me. So consequently I do not want her husband in the room either.  Am I asking too much?


I went to pick my daughter up on my Thursday night visitation, I get her from Thursday night until Sunday at 7:00pm

She informs me that normally she goes to stepdads relatives house to catch the bus but relative is going to be gone so I will have to take her to school the next day.

I asked her how long have you guys known that this was going to be the situation and her reply was for a long time now.

Do I have the right to request that she give me alittle more advanced notice I could loose my job if it happened a lot and I know what she will say then don't keep her overnight on school nights. Thats not the problem I make my own schedule two weeks at a time but I would expect my employees to give me advanced notice if they were going to be late!

She wants more child support. Up unitl she got mad at me I had my daughter 6 days and nights out of 14. I never had the support lowered even though I could of cut it in half. I supply all clothing for her in my home and frequently buy her school clothes.  I supply all medical and dental insurance and even though she is to pay like 800.00 of first part that it not paid by the insurance I have never given her the first bill.  I am now making about 4.00 more on the hour when we originally started all of this but she is making more also. There is no longer child care so that is 40.00  less per week I supplied all the transportation since day one except with a few exceptions and she is suppose to pick her back up when she is receiving her.  Now she is mad and comes and get her just so I can not have her overnight.

Do you think that if I can prove that I had her that much and she was doing good in school and overall that the judge would grant me back 1 overnight during the week. I would do all of the driving.

Now she is at home more and is failing in school.

Sorry so long winded but it just burns me.

[ocean]

Hi,
First, the step-dad will not be allowed in the mediation room. We had this happen and the mediator said only the people listed on the court document (the bip parents).
Child support is just a figure according to the guidelines. I would come in with proof that you have her a certain amount of time and if your state recognizes time then you "should" get the credit.

Visitation-Yes, I think if you could prove that you have been doing this all along and it happened to stop right when the court case started then you should be able to get that back. WHat does it state NOW about visitation? How long did you have her during the wee? (longer than 6 months is ideal).  Once this gets ironed out you should know what days you have her so the bus thing should not come up again (but you can drop her off at her regular bus stop and wait for the bus?) You can also bring up that child only be called XXX. DO you have anything with the boyfriend's name on it? (school records?)
Good luck!

[norm9838]

Actually we are not meeting with a mediator, just our attorneys. My attorney and I suggested that when they came back at us with the counter claims.  We did not feel that the judge would want to take the time to listen to all the crap.

Our original paperwork that we put together ourselves is pretty clear about regular and summer visitation

Regular visitation:  Thursday evening after school until Sunday at 7pm.  Receiving parent to pick up.  Opposite week:  Tuesday evening after school until 7pm

Summer visitation:  1st-15th June, July, and August

There is also an addendum in our paperwork that states our holiday schedule is to be according to the county parenting guidelines where we went to court.  Which they gave us both copies of and the only thing we go by on those county guidelines is the holiday schedule nothing else.

I could never get her to go by the schedule though.  The only holidays that she was really concerned about was Christmas and Thanksgiving; she did not care about much else.

So pretty much if a holiday fell on a weekend and it was her weekend unless I asked for something specific and she agreed I was not to pick her up.  If it fell on my weekend and she had something else to do she would not care that I had my daughter. So consequently we never rotated because of holidays so we pretty much always had the same weekends every year.

We never had anything written in about the fact that holidays took precedence over regular or summer visitation.

So I had her every 4th of July because it was my summer visitation time and I really don't think that she wanted her because she would have had to buy fireworks.

 I also always had her on Easter and mom told her that she didn't get an Easter basket at her house because the Easter bunny brought it to my house.

She also let me have her for Halloween, she did not want to take her Trick or Treating or buy her an outfit, so I was always able to take her at least until she got married.

 Then all of the sudden step dad could only take her.  But he did tell her that I could buy her outfit if I wanted even though I wouldn't be able to take her!
Mother's day was spent with me until this year because it fell on my weekend even though I offered it to her several times. Her response was well I always have her on Fathers day during the summer because its my summer visitation time.  She never offered me father's day.

Last year my daughters mother got married in May to her new step dad and from that point everything changed which I expected it to change some but not so drastic.

 All of the sudden my daughter was telling me that I had no say over decisions concerning her. But it was ok for step dad to decide what she could and couldn't do.  

I was told I no longer needed to come to the door to ring the bell I was to wait in my vehicle until she came out.  And the one time I did before I was told this I knocked and the all I heard was she will be out in a minute and then silence and then I heard xxxhole. I was not happy about that especially in front of my daughter. He had no reason to call me that we had never even talked to each other.

One night I called to discuss some things with her mother and he got mad and I could hear him cussing me out in the background, with my daughter in the room, so finally I said does he want to talk to me and that was when he told me that he no longer wanted me talking to his wife, and especially if he was not at home.
He said she is married to me now and she is happy. He said I bought her a new truck and she now lives in a nice home and we do not need you starting trouble. I told him that I was glad they were happy but what did that have to do with me wanting to see my child.  He also told me that he had to leave the area he was from because he got in trouble with the law because of his ex and he did not want any trouble here.

Then he went on to say that he could not even have his own son, who is the same age as my daughter because of his ex.  I told him that was bad that he could not see his son but that he should understand how important my daughter was to me and that it was important that her mother be able to discuss things with me concerning her.

He finished up by telling me that it was not his wife's fault that she had made a mistake and had a child with me. All I thought was you know her and I do not really even like each other but we have always tried to half way get along because of our daughter.  I told him I never wanted to hear mistake and my daughter in the same sentence again. Lets say that was the end of our phone conversation. Now I get to hear him in the background calling me obscenities if she happens to answer the phone.

I even have him on tape because I tape our conversations between me and her mother and me and my daughter, we live in a one party permission state so I can. I also have her stating that we are not to go according to the paperwork we have. I also have her calling me obscenities in the background while my daughter is talking to me on the phone but according to her neither her or husband have ever done that in my daughters presence.

Anyway three years ago my fiancée moved in with me and she started working in the town where they lived and where my daughter went to school so on Tuesdays and Sundays she asked if it would be ok to drop her off the next morning before she went to school so there would no longer be double driving for us. It was on her way anyway.   My ex said sure, she wasn't going to drive so that's how we ended up with her 6 out of 14.  At least until I stood my ground on Thanksgiving, I would of agreed to just part of the weekend but no she refused me completely saying my daughter had already made plans.

Now I get her only every other Tuesday and that is from the time I get off work, which is 4:30pm until 7pm. I drive 20 minutes from where I work to her house and then 30 minutes to my house, and then her mother picks her up at 7pm.

I think her mother is trying to get it so I do not have her anytime except the weekend on Friday through Sunday at 7pm.  My daughter also told me that her mom thinks she is old enough to pick where she wants to be on holidays and that it should be up to her.

 Once this gets ironed out you should know what days you have her so the bus thing should not come up again (but you can drop her off at her regular bus stop and wait for the bus?)



The bus thing only comes up because she is not riding the bus that goes by her house where she now lives.  She is living in one school district and going to school in another because it is easier for mom.

I also know mom did not go through the state to get that approved. So I also want to know when we meet with our attorneys if she is going to take legal responsibility for tuition when it comes up. We both have joint legal and I refuse to pay tuition when I am not the one who has gone behind the states back, especially not for 1600.00 per year.


So when my ex said I was eroding the relationship with her and our child it is quite the contrary.  

I am not telling our child to use some other name then her own.
I do not make reference to my ex by calling her bad names in front of our child.
I do not constantly belittle everything that her mother has told her so that she will go back and tell her, like my daughter does with me.  Like, dad you're an idiot mom says so.  Or dad you're a loser because mom and step dad say so. Or dad you need to grow up, your immature like mom says (all because I try to get her to laugh and will do funny things to get her to)


She will say to our daughter, like they really love you
Don't worry that they won't get you a new puppy (even though she has pets) all you need to worry about is what you have at home

My daughter telling me before Thanksgiving telling me that she would not be with us because she was going to be with her family on Thanksgiving and all that weekend.  Like we don't exist or we are not family to her.  I wonder who told her that to tell us, don't take too much to figure out.


This is what I am hoping for:

I want my daughter every other Tuesday overnight and I will drop her off in the morning but if the drop is different then they will have to give me advance notice.

 I want to continue having her from Thursday the other week through Sunday but I would like to drop her off Monday morning instead of her mother picking her up so we can go to church Sunday night also.

I want my scheduled holidays.

I want her mother and her husband to stop making derogatory references about us in front of our child.
I want her mother and step dad to quit telling her she can make her own decisions when and if she comes to stay with us.
I want them to quit saying that I have no rights concerning decisions made about her.
I definitely do not want her using someone else's name besides mine unless she gets married and hopefully not in the near future (she's 13)
I would also like to know why he couldn't have his son unless it is supervised.
I want her mother and stepfather to stop intentionally encouraging her to go against anything I do or say concerning her.
 


I want her to sign a paper stating she will be responsible for tuition if it comes up or place her in the correct school.

My current support is figured with me only having her Friday and Saturday overnights every other week and during holidays and summer visitation time.

Plus they need to deduct the 40.00 for childcare that is no longer needed.

 I already pay all medical and dental even though she is to pay part.

 I also provide her with all of her clothes while she is here and I spend a substantial amount on school clothes and activities. I have receipts to prove that.

If they would of refigured it three years ago when I had her almost half the amount of time it would have been cut in half.  So if I can have her the time I would like above she can still keep it the same as it is now.
Which would be above and beyond if they consider everything.

What do you think am I asking for too much?