How to tell my son...(long, sorry)

Amy_in_MA · Jul 26, 2006, 10:25:24 AM

Thanks Sherry. See my post to Catherine about my conversation with the counselor...I see my own counselor tonight and I'm sure she'll be able to help me put a little more distance. It's just hard to see this little boy who really is awesome (yes, he's a challenge, but he's smart, sweet, energetic) be so disregarded.

My mom...as crazy as she made me and as difficult as our relationship was, she was often my companion...it's very, very lonely without her. The one person who would listen to me, no matter what, is gone. :(

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

~ James Allen

Genie · Jul 26, 2006, 10:36:19 AM

and it is so sad b/c here you are doing everything you can to make time for him to see and talk to son and he continuously refuses and shortens the time. I really think he just can't handle the 4 kids, especially since one is a baby right? Bet he is shortening the time with not just your son but his other children too. Probably thinks he wants time to himself since he isn't working.

Your X has always been selfish and only thought about himself. Instead of parenting son he wants everything to be just fine and wonderful when he sees him. Your son is very smart and can see what he is doing. This is probably one of the reasons he is in counseling now.

So my advice: You can't force him to see son when he is supposed too. All you can do is continue with the counseling and being a great Mom that you are to son and he will get through this. And son will know what his Dad did and X will pay for that in the long run. But at least that will be his own fault not yours.

It must be so hard for you too without your Mom around. I know it is hard to do it by yourself. Too bad you can't be selfish for yourself huh?

Keep it up. Glad to see you. We have missed you alot.

Buff · Jul 26, 2006, 10:43:19 AM

I'm so sorry things haven't improved in this front. I don't know what to tell you, except what I've always told you; you can't force this situation, no matter how good your intentions. If R doesn't want to do it, he's not gonna do it, and anyone griping to him about it is just gonna make his resolve stronger.

I am sorry for Z, tho, in light of the circumstances. He needs a father, FCOL, but R just doesn't want to be one, but I also think it may be compounding the hurt by trying to force a situation that just isn't gonna be. That just makes Z feel even more rejected.

I'm sending heartfelt sympathies for the loss of your mom. We're thinking of you, always.

Amy_in_MA · Jul 26, 2006, 10:44:17 AM

The youngest is 3.5 and primarily lives with him...and the other is his 10 year old daughter, and he has overnights with her those weekends of visits. The 4.5 year old is his step-son who lives with them...so he's not shortening his time with any of the other kids. :( And I do agree that he can't handle 4 kids...and Zachary is the easiest for him to "dispose" of. :(

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

~ James Allen

Felafel · Jul 26, 2006, 10:45:53 AM