ex denying access & visitations

[tiredofhergames]

I apologize in advance for double posting this, but I found the Texas forum first....

I have been having problems with my ex-wife (D) denying visitations since late March of this year. My son, who is 13, had asked me about coming to live with me and my wife, and we were in the process of talking to a lawyer about this in March, and were told that we could file for modification of custody on our own if needed. D caught wind of it, and then tried to claim that since my wife and I argued (I had forgotten her birthday, she was upset) in front of my son, it was a "violent atmosphere", and even went so far as to try and involve CPS in it. When my wife spoke to CPS, she was told that from March to May, they get several "complaints" from custodial parents against NCPs to try and keep them from having summer visitations. Nothing further came of it.

I was allowed to speak to my son in mid May for about 2 minutes, but his mother was on the phone listening and told him that he didn't have to talk to me.

I have called a minimum of twice a week, only to get answering machines, my wife and I have both attempted to pick him up for weekend visits and summer access, only to find "no one home".

In August, my ex and I went before an assistant attorney general for Texas about child support. My ex claimed  I hadn't paid it, I had proof I had. Turns out that when ex was remarried, she didn't file new name and address, so payments were sitting in limbo somewhere. I mentioned to the assistant AG at that time that my ex wasn't allowing me to see or talk to my son, at which time the assistant told my ex that she could be held in contempt of court, and the possible punishments that she could incur. My ex again tried playing the "violent" card, to which it was asked if she had proof. At that time, she got mad, and refused to talk anymore. The assistant gave me a number and website for Texas Access, and I called immediately after leaving her office.

At their advice, my wife typed up the standard "access and visitation" letters, and I began mailing a regular copy, and a certified copy each week I was to have visitation. The first week, my ex called at 3:00 on Friday to tell me my son had previous plans, and we would switch for the next weekend. I agreed, and again sent another letter outlining what we had discussed during the phone call.

My ex refused the first certified letter, and picked up the last 3 or 4 at one time - several days after attempts had been made.

Again, last night, we were to pick up my son, and after waiting over an hour, called the sheriff's office for a welfare check, another piece of advice from a Tx Access lawyer. They did not come near the house during the next hour or more, as we were sitting in front of it. At about 11 p.m., we received a message on our business phone from the dispatcher, and when my wife called back, no one knew anything. This afternoon, the dispatcher again called back, and spoke to me.

This is where it gets infuriating. It seems that no one ever went to the home. Instead, they called the house at regular intervals, and when my ex answered, they told her what was going on, to which she told them my son was fine, they had been to "dinner and a movie". The dispatcher then asked to speak to my son, who when asked, said he was fine. That's it. No visual proof, nothing. I was under the impression that a welfare check was to be done in person????

Anyway, I know I have a case, but what I don't have is a lot of money. Do I need to hire a lawyer? Or is the contempt of court charge(s) something I can file myself? Is each and every denied visit a seperate contempt? My ex seems to think if she just ignores it all, it ( and I ) will go away. It's not going to, and if I have to beg and borrow to get a lawyer, I will. However, if I can get the ball rolling without one, I would like to start there.

[tiredofhergames]

Can't anyone help me on this???

[WhatToDo]

Post this on the Dear Socrateaser Forum. He knows what he's talking about and can give you adivce. Before you post, mkae sure to read his guidelines! I'm in this same situation and we're in the proccess of taking my ex to court. I wish I could help you more but we're still trying to figure things out!

[ocean]

yes, you can do it yourself.
Go to your local court and file for contempt for EACH time. You need proof that you were there. How about the next time you are suppose to have a visit (send the letter) then call the police and tell them you expect issues and could they escort you to her house? or have someone go with you and bring a video camera and film it.
As soon as you get to court the better. Ask to have visits start from school. This way you can pick son at school without BM involved. ALso, ask for make-up time since you missed. Put all of this in the complaint so it is on paper.
Good luck!

[notnew]

You can go to the Pro-se office at your courthouse (or the court in the county that holds jurisdiction). File two filings 1). Ex-parte to enforce visitation.  2) Motion for Contempt and Rule to Show Cause.

The ex-parte is for an emergency/expedited hearing so you can get visitation enforced asap. The contempt motion is to call her to the carpet for her actions. You must submit a copy of your divorce decree and any applicable visitations/custody orders in place at this time. As your proof, attach your certifieds as exhibits to support your case. You could also get a copy from the police for the welfare check thing. They spoke with her, she admitted where she was and what she had done to police.

You can get a lawyer for this or you can do it yourself. If you get a lawyer, ask that she have to pay your attorney fees. If you do it yourself, ask her to reimburse you your filing fees.

You need to check out the laws/procedures in your state. They are pretty similar but have varying differences from state to state. You can either look at any of the filings used in your divorce to get formatting guidance, or the court should have fill in forms that are easy to use also. Many courts have easy to navigate web sites that have all the information for what you need right there!

You need to get on this. If your 13 yo wants to live with you, I believe the judge will take his statements into account but I am not sure of the age in your state. Just research the codes and laws in your state.

Also, you can post any questions about your case or how to proceed to the Dear Socrateaser forum on this site. Make sure you read the mandatory forum guidelines before posting.

Also, I'd arrange your pick up and drop offs to either have a witness with you at all times (video is nice - even if she doesn't show you can show you arrived and that she wasn't there) or exchange in a public place like a police station. If she is crying now that you are violent, she very well may bring false abuse allegations against you in the form of a protective order which is way too easy to get put in place with absoutely no proof and it sticks to you like glue even if  you never threatened or hit anyone!

Keep us posted and good luck.

[notnew]

You do need to file contempt EACH time she violates. My personal experience is that contempt is easy to get away with as the courts usually give no more than a slap on the wrist. However, TX may be a less lenient state and in any case, the more contempts that pile up, the stronger the punishment should get.

just wanted to add that.

PS - if you file the contempts yourself, you have to have your ex served properly when the court sends you the show cause order to serve on her for the scheduled hearing. In our county, anyone who is 18 and not a party to the case can serve. That means, my wife can serve my ex-wife (not the optimal) or any other family friend who is willing, or you can pay the sheriff's office or a private process service. Make sure you find out how this process works so you can certify that she has been served properly. In most cases, you can serve via certified mail, but in this case I would not advise it as your ex is already onto this game.

[tiredofhergames]

....that has already happened? Or at least the ones where I finally got  "smart" and started doing the certifieds, calling for welfare checks, have witnesses to? Or is there a time limit to file these?

Also, when I asked for a copy of the report on the welfare check, I was told there was no formal report, just notes written by the dispatcher during the call. Something about they are not required to file a report???

I still feel that the Sheriff's Office in this case have dropped the ball. This is not the first time I have tried this route, and have yet to get a report out of them.

Thank you all for the advice, and I will be posting on the Socrateaser forum with further questions.

[notnew]

Yes. File one contempt charge based on what you have had happened in the last few months of the active denial. Also include your phone log (you should be keeping one every time you call and the result). You should include in your motion information about the welfare check.

Once you have the filing returned to you to be served on your ex, then you use that case # and get a supbonea issued to the Sheriff's Dept to produce the notes. Issuing a supbonea is a lot easier then it seems. Again, check with your clerk of the circuit court office or if you have a pro-se office in the court house, they can help steer you in the right direction. It sounds like Texas has a lot of help for those to represent themselves.

Police don't like to get involved in domestic issues which is what they see this as.

You need to get back to exercising your visitation so she will actively be in contempt again.

See what Soc says. His advice is the best.

I hope you are successful!