The Ex's Wife

[butterfly82297]

OK, she is a drug addict who lost custody of all three of her kids because of it... they are telling me that there is no way that I can prevent her from being with my daughter. She has been arrested for drinking and driving and she got into an accident while drunk with her son and rolled her car with him in it. My ex lets her pick up my daughter and drive her to his home (5 states away)... She also is practicing the parental alienation thing and keeps telling my daughter horrible things about my husband ( I am remarried) and me. In my opinion, she is the source of 99% of the disputes between my ex and I because before he married her, we got along just fine and now he is combative. Not to mention the fact that since he married her he has become somewhat of an alcoholic. What can I do to keep her away from my child?

[Jade]

>OK, she is a drug addict who lost custody of all three of her
>kids because of it... they are telling me that there is no way
>that I can prevent her from being with my daughter. She has
>been arrested for drinking and driving and she got into an
>accident while drunk with her son and rolled her car with him
>in it. My ex lets her pick up my daughter and drive her to his
>home (5 states away)... She also is practicing the parental
>alienation thing and keeps telling my daughter horrible things
>about my husband ( I am remarried) and me. In my opinion, she
>is the source of 99% of the disputes between my ex and I
>because before he married her, we got along just fine and now
>he is combative. Not to mention the fact that since he married
>her he has become somewhat of an alcoholic. What can I do to
>keep her away from my child?

There may not be much you can do to keep her away from your child unless you can prove that she physically hurts your child (the badmouthing is hard to prove).  But you can go to court and get it to where she can't drive with your child.  You will need her driving history (especially the part that involves drinking and driving).

Also, if she shows up drunk to pick up your child.  You are within your legal rights to not ler her pick up your child.  Your child's safety comes first.  And if she calls the cops, ask the cops to test her alcohol level.  

[butterfly82297]

Unfortunately, my ex is in the military and there have been times when he has my daughter that he has gone away and left my daughter with his wife. The way I look at it, she has no rights with my daughter, so do I have to leave her with her while he is gone or is there a way that I can insist that he sned my daughter back before he goes away? Since this woman is so awful, I can;t believe that courts wouldnt get involved... it's too bad too... I liked his last girlfriend...

[Jade]

>Unfortunately, my ex is in the military and there have been
>times when he has my daughter that he has gone away and left
>my daughter with his wife. The way I look at it, she has no
>rights with my daughter, so do I have to leave her with her
>while he is gone or is there a way that I can insist that he
>sned my daughter back before he goes away? Since this woman is
>so awful, I can;t believe that courts wouldnt get involved...
>it's too bad too... I liked his last girlfriend...

 Does your state have Right of First Refusal?  If so, then you can have him send her back (again, I would get it court ordered that the stepmom is not to drive with your child).  He can only have someone babysit her after you say no on his visits.

If not, then you will have to go to court.  You may want to discuss switching time with him when he has to go away with him first, but given your other post, I wouldn't hold out hope for that working.  He doesn't seem reasonable.

[butterfly82297]

I know we will eventually end up back in court, but I was hoping to put that off for awhile. We have been switching time, and I have been trying to accomodate his schedule because I know that he doesnt have a choice as to when he goes or stays. But these last two summers he has lied to me about his time off and he even took his vacation for two weeks BEFORE she got there and then went back to work when she was there... AARRRGGG! This is frustrating! Then you run into the issue of how accomodating should you be?

[Stressed out MoM]

Restraining order

Believe me its been done to me by a bitter ex and of course it was a (I'm going to get even thing ) I could not have my children around anyone of the opposite sex just because at that time he was jealous.

We are good friends now. The restraining order is good in your case if these things are happening. Hear say is not good though in court. As in my case nothing bad came out of it my ex dropped the restraining order.

[williaer]

You may want to ask Socrateaser- but I have seen him post in the past that if your ex has "visitation" only- he can't delegate his time to anyone else- but is he has joint legal- then he can send whoever he wants to pick her up. i would look at your papers, if it says visitation- he can't send someone else and if he does, you can refuse.

[butterfly82297]

thank you all for the advice... These things are so hard and i am not an expert at all this stuff becasue I havent had todeal with it that much.  I have retained an attorney and am going to begin the process of rewriting the papers... This time I will make certain that they say who he can and cannot leave her with... Again, i appreciate it :)