Will she ever quit??????

[gabes_mom]

One more thing,  about your lawyer.  I would fire him and get a lawyer who is willing to fight for you.  

Saying that "that's the life of a divorced father and you will just have to get used to it" just doesn't cut it for me.  Your lawyer is supposed to fight for you, that actually sounds like something I'd expect the BM's attorney to say.

[stepmom]

Yes I read the papers correctly.  It states NOTHING about her visiation since the children live with her.  It only states his varying visitation depending on the years.  

[stepmom]

I would love for us to get another lawyer but we don't have to money to do that right now.

[stepmom]

We want to go back to court but we don't have the money to do that right now.  From what we have been told it's going to take a lot of money to take the BM back to court.

My husband spoke with his lawyer today and he said that legally he can go pick up the kids on that weekend and she can't do anything about it. But he told my husband to be the bigger person and call her and tell her that legally he can pick them up but he wants them to spend Christmas with her as well.  And then he said to ask if he could come pick them up Christmas night.  But what does being the "bigger person" get him? I know the kids see it but does anyone else????  

[stepmom]

Thank you!!!!

That's exactly how we are around the BM.  We remain calm and it drives her CRAZY!!!  There has been many times when she has said ugly things to us and we just smile and laugh.  She only does it to make us upset but it backfires on her when we don't.  

We might say negative things but never around her or the children.  That's just our way of letting it out. I'm glad I found this site now I can blow off some steam and get advice!!!  Thanks again!!!!!!

Stepmom

[CGS]

Read the holiday section carefully. My parenting plan and the plans of many others I know say something along the lines of:

"If a holiday falls on a Friday it includes the following weekend and if it falls on a Monday it includes the preceeding weekend."

If your dh's plan says this, you are sol. If it doesn't you could probably try to enfore your order with local authorities.. if thats what your dh decides to do.  

If you don't get them prior to xmas for this weekend, maybe you could take one of their gifts to their moms for them to open on xmas? the kids shouldn't miss out just because the parents dont get along.

[CGS]

"But what does being the "bigger person" get him? I know the kids see it but does anyone else???? "

The ONLY people that matter ARE the KIDS!!!

Every parent should be the bigger person for the kids.  It sounds like your dh understands this.

[dipper]

I fully agree with you on what the order says about the 26th through Jan 1st....it is your husband's time.  However, the weekend could be iffy....because it does appear that it is logical to assume that even numbered years the 20th-25th are hers.    I would request another weekend to make up for the weekend lost during the holiday.....

And, hey, I know how you feel.  I have been doing a little better where my dh's ex is concerned.   But, she is so irrational.  Everything is dh's fault, he is responsible for everything for ss, but she is the wonderful mommy and dh is a bad parent.  I think she calls only to upset us.....and unfortunately, i do not believe it will ever quit......


So, will she....No.  Sadly....

[Mamacass]

Oh, Ref, I love you for saying this.  

Its true, in front of the kids, you stay neutral.  I will never tell my SS how I feel about his mom.  I also will never come out and tell him the straight truth about his mom (I don't think he needs to know that she is Borderline and a pathological liar, although I'm sure she's told him that she's bi-polar b/c she shouts that from the rooftops.)

I also am very careful not to talk negatively about her in front of my and DH's 5 y/o son, b/c I know he won't keep it quiet.  And that is really tough, b/c its hard to teach him to stay away from her, when she tries to give him hugs and act friendly towards him.  (I wouldn't mind except that she has pulled guns and knives on people and had made threats towards me and my pregnancy earlier this year.  She is not what I consider safe for my children to be around.)

However, when the kids aren't around, once in a while, I will vent to my husband or sister.  Then I will call her Looney Toons or Fruitcake or some other nickname.  I'll admit, after all the problems she has tried to cause, and after all the pain she has caused DH and SS b/c of her personal problems, I don't thinks its so bad that I call her these names as long as it isn't in front of her or the kids.

And monster would pretty accurately describe her and her behavior.  In fact I think it describes a lot of the BM's that people deal with on this site, b/c monsters in movies usually are very destructive toward the people around them.  And monsters are usually so protective of their children that they will attack anyone who comes near.  I think if you asked most BM's why they do the things they do, they would say that it is for their children (even though we can all see that it is not usually in the child's best interest).  I think they often forget that their children are also our children.

oh, and 1 more to add to your list Ref- What-her-$H**.  We will use it in place of whats-her-name.  Like, "What's her Sh** called and left another 5 minute voicemail about nothing today."  Maybe a little childish, but it makes ya feel better sometimes.  

[gipsy]

The Atty probably say's this cause you are out of money ,
  If not get a new atty
  Cause his Advice should be , If the court order say's you get the kids , She has to give them to you or she is  in contempt , Contempt is hard to prove
         ,save Her message  Message ,
     Then tell her to give the kids cause you will be there with a video camera , or just show up with one ,    
   SHE CAN"T just change the court order , Why do you even think she can overide a judges Order , Just tell her you wwill be there to pick up If not , Post on here about filing contempt on your own , Cause an Atty will charge $$$ , And you won't be ;likely to get a contempt ,
    But She may hire an atty , Or she has to take the time to respond , Etc , Theres a longer theory to this contempt issue , But File It if she doesn't Give the Kids , Then go to the court and get a CD of the hearing , And learn ,Then do it again , And Again , and she will iether get tired of Going to court , Or give you the kids , Or you will eventually get her on Contempt ,
   My Atty Explains , " parenting Plans are not self enforced , " " So you have to go ask the court to enforce it "
  He Goes On to say " you are not Likely to get a Contempt Cause Its hard to prove " " She could Just say the car broke or something "    " And you have to prove it's Intentional " SOOOO
  This worked for My cousin , ' My atty filled the papers out for Him In like 3 minutes , And gave it too him to file ,Para  Legal services can do the same . Call them In the Phone Book "
  My Atty Also said , "If You let her get away with it You teach her that she can " !!
       Atty Goes on to say "
   "So At least make her go through the worry of apearing at court "
  "Then Ask the court to give you make up time "
   This worked for Me . I did not get a contempt but, I got make up time  , And she quite doing it ,
  Again quote from atty " If She has to go through the Hassle of court "Then Give up the visit any way " " She will eventually see that it did her no good ""
   So IF it Happens DO IT !!!