Met with an attorney this morning...

[Amy_in_MA]

She's the mother of a friend of my son's in school as well. She and her partner sat down with this morning because of the ongoing safety and supervision concerns I have had lately (dad not using a car seat for son, not supervising their play when they are out by the street--my son went into the street last time to retrieve a ball, dad was inside the house watching the ball game).

The attorney and her partner said we have to be careful not to paint ourselves into a corner because if we tell dad he has to address these things or we take him to court, he'll basically just stop visitation altogether because that's easier for him and he basically doesn't really care. So, she's going to give him a call as my friend, but also let him know that she is an attorney, and basically that I was talking to her about it and she was calling to let him know how concerned I am. If that doesn't seem to be getting a response from him, there is always the option of taking him to court for the arrears, uninsured medical expenses, and low and behold, calling DSS regarding the lack of supervision/safety, which would end up getting all of the other children and their mothers involved...something he isn't likely to want to have happen. But, treading carefully is important so he doesn't just abandon our son altogether...because our son would hurt for that and then dad would be saying it was all my fault. If he hasn't returned her call by Friday with a solution to at least the car seat situation, I'm not to let our son go on visitation on Saturday. I really hope it doesn't come to that.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Emma]

if Z would be better without him...I know it would hurt him on some level-- but it scares me to think of what's next with the lack of supervision...he just doesn't seem to be interested in being a father - it would just scare me to think of the things that COULD happen as Z got older....

[Amy_in_MA]

The attorney just called me. She called Rob, talked to him (briefly as he basically told her he's a really busy guy). She explained that I was very concerned, that I had tried to reach him, left him a voice mail, sent him email, to which he basically said "what? I didn't get those, I don't have time to check email" and then two minutes later referenced me saying that Zachary ran into the street to get his ball, which I only mentioned in the email...so she knew he was lying. He told her "I TOLD her I was working really hard on that situation, and if he's without a car seat it's only for an hour, I mean 5 minutes" and she told him that he needed to call me, by Friday, and let me know if the situation was resolved because he was scheduled for visitation this Saturday. He said he didn't know if he'd be able to take care of it by then because he's so busy and she told him that Zachary wouldn't be going with him on Saturday if that was the case...but that he should call and let me know. She told him to make life easier on himself and to communicate with me...he insists that if the boys are outside that either he or his 11 year old daughter are outside with them supervising (which I know is not true). She told him that seeing as I don't even know the kind of street he lives on, how busy it is, etc., to think about it from my perspective, that I don't know what I'm sending my child into at this point. She asked for his address and he said that he's been living at the same address for the past 4 years. She said "well what about when you were separated from your wife just a couple of months ago?" Rob said that he has been living back with her for a month now. Zachary said this wasn't the case as of the last visit they had, 1.5 weeks ago...so I think this is BS. She told him to make his life easier and communicate with me, that none of us want to see this go anywhere. He basically said he was busy, had to go, and hung up on her. She called him back and left a message letting him know that she didn't know if he'd hung up on her, but that she expected a phone call back from him, that they needed to talk, that he could call her in the 5 minutes he has alone in his car after work...that we are all busy people but these things need to be resolved. She told me that if I didn't hear from him by Friday, Zachary is not going with him.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[Emma]

would really miss him if he didn't see him? He just seems like he does such a piss-poor job of engaging any of his kids in a meaningful relationship...I just wonder if it would make it better for Z to not deal with him and be put in these unsafe situations.

I can't imagine telling someone I was too busy to talk about my kid!!

[Amy_in_MA]

I don't know...I think he would at first. I think, if I had told the attorney this morning that he doesn't really want to see him that she would have pushed the issue with him and let him drop out of the picture. And I've told her that I have questioned myself what the best answer is, to have him in his life or not...but then I try to remind myself that it really isn't my decision, he'll have made it all on his own by his lack of involvement with his son. At some point, Zachary won't want to bother any more...the only reason I've done anything about this is because it IS a safety concern...and I'd never forgive myself if I knowingly let him go...it's like condoning the neglect. Maybe Rob will think twice before just leaving the kids unattended again...I don't know...but he knows I'm not playing games with the safety of our son...whether he cares or not.

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Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you shall one day be; your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.

     ~ James Allen

[backwardsbike]

Not an atorney here- but if he's driving a car adn the child is not in a car seat I'd be tempted to report him tot he police and let it be out of yourhands.  The law is the law.  The unsupervised play is a different story- much harder to prove.  But the child is either in a car seat or he's not.  And in my state it  doesn't matteris its five minutes or five seconds- its against the law.

That being said- I don't kow the dad here- but it seems that most kids are better off haiving thier parents in thier lives.  The issue is saftey.  he'll either cooperate or not.  You can't allow the hcild to be placed in an unsafe sitch- but yanking his dad out of his life will not solve the issue of an absent parent. JMHO- good luck with this.