Need your help

[jfejj1651]

Since January  my wife and I are getting a divorce. WE had both agreed that any time I wanted the kids I could get them. Everything has been fine and bot of us agreed that we wanted to stay out of court as much as possible and setup our own child support. Though we have not come close to any sort of agreement I would give her money here and there for the kids. Now fed up without being able to agree on a set amount I told her until then I am not going to give her anything because its just getting to the point where I want to move on and I need a $$ amount so I can work it in my budget.  Now all of a sudden she won't let me see my kids or talk to them on the phone. What should I do??? We never went to court for any type of visitations or custody like that .. Can I go pick them up at school then tell her I have them or is it against the law?? I live in New York State and any help would be great. Thanks
Jeff

[mistoffolees]

>Since January  my wife and I are getting a divorce. WE had
>both agreed that any time I wanted the kids I could get them.
>Everything has been fine and bot of us agreed that we wanted
>to stay out of court as much as possible and setup our own
>child support. Though we have not come close to any sort of
>agreement I would give her money here and there for the kids.
>Now fed up without being able to agree on a set amount I told
>her until then I am not going to give her anything because its
>just getting to the point where I want to move on and I need a
>$$ amount so I can work it in my budget.  Now all of a sudden
>she won't let me see my kids or talk to them on the phone.
>What should I do??? We never went to court for any type of
>visitations or custody like that .. Can I go pick them up at
>school then tell her I have them or is it against the law?? I
>live in New York State and any help would be great. Thanks
>Jeff

You need to go to court and ask for a defined support and custody plan. Since you don't have any plan, it's not technically against the law to pick them up, but she can make trouble for you.

I would suggest:

1. Draw up a plan which you consider to be fair involving picking the kids up at school and dropping them off. Send her a certified letter telling her that you plan to use this plan until the court rules otherwise.

2. Calculate what support should be in  your state. There are various online calculators.

3. See an attorney to file for divorce and parenting plan. In general, I would recommend that the proposed parenting plan be 50:50 if you want it and can handle it (both of you in the same town, etc). You might deviate one way or the other depending on circumstances.

Get a good attorney -it makes all the difference in the world.

[Samson2005]

good attorneys do make a difference but, it you can agree to not need them, that might be best. the best lawyers in the world will want to be paid as such.

your state should have child support set at a percentage of your income. as it is, you sound like you may be willing to give more money to them than what is required by law.  that's a cool thing to do :)

FIRST: DO NOT TELL A COURT THAT YOU WANT THEM TO MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. Deny any attempt to have the court involved in decision making you you and your children. They have no jurisdiction over you until you start mingling with them. Once you start operating with them, they can/will run you through the mill.

as far as you not seeing the kids, why is she more able than you right now? you have the same rights as she for whatever about them.

good luck

[Samson2005]

if you do not see your kids soon and often, and your wife involves the court, you will be stuck with what is called a "status quo" of the children being away from you and with their mother.  Once the court becomes involved, that status quo will probably dictate you to see your kids every other weekend and for you to give your ex wife % of money.

you need to exercise your position as father for your children before the court gets involved. you have the same rights as their mother. if you want to be that involved, you can do it. otherwise, i would listen to the other poster about granting jurisdiction to the court and arguing for 50/50, unless you would be happy with every-other-weekend visitation.

family court is a disgrace to america, but it is thriving.

good luck

[Samson2005]

your wife may have people convinced that she is the only one allowed to retrieve the children. that is false unless there is a court order. with no court order, you have the same rights as the mother. you need to become very involved with the children and remain to be before the court gets involved.

good luck

[mistoffolees]

>good attorneys do make a difference but, it you can agree to
>not need them, that might be best. the best lawyers in the
>world will want to be paid as such.

That's not necessarily true. My attorney was fantastic but her rates were just average for the area. More importantly, she seemed to get twice as much done per hour as my ex's attorney.

>
>your state should have child support set at a percentage of
>your income. as it is, you sound like you may be willing to
>give more money to them than what is required by law.  that's
>a cool thing to do :)
>
>FIRST: DO NOT TELL A COURT THAT YOU WANT THEM TO MAKE
>DECISIONS ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. Deny any attempt to have the
>court involved in decision making you you and your children.
>They have no jurisdiction over you until you start mingling
>with them. Once you start operating with them, they can/will
>run you through the mill.

I disagree with this. Some time, the court will have to make a decision - whether he goes or his ex goes. The longer he lets it go without seeing the kids, the worse off he'll be in the long run. If he immediately goes to the court with a proposed parenting plan and asks for an emergency order since his ex won't let him see the kids, he'll be infinitely better off than if he just lets things go as they are.

>
>as far as you not seeing the kids, why is she more able than
>you right now? you have the same rights as she for whatever
>about them.

But if she's blocking him from seeing the kids as he claims she is, he needs a court order.

The alternative is to show up at the house to pick up the kids and have a fight with the mother in front of them. That doesn't do anyone any good.

[ocean]

NY child support is based on strict guidelines. It is 17% for one child and 25% for two. It is based only on NCP's income. THere is a calculator on the web where you can figure it out. Whatever you give her now is considered a gift. So ask for an order and save the money to the side until it gets ordered.

You can go to their school and see their events. There is no court order and you are their father. Once the courts rule on a parenting plan then you can pick them up on your parenting days.

Good luck!

[Jade]

>Since January  my wife and I are getting a divorce. WE had
>both agreed that any time I wanted the kids I could get them.
>Everything has been fine and bot of us agreed that we wanted
>to stay out of court as much as possible and setup our own
>child support. Though we have not come close to any sort of
>agreement I would give her money here and there for the kids.
>Now fed up without being able to agree on a set amount I told
>her until then I am not going to give her anything because its
>just getting to the point where I want to move on and I need a
>$$ amount so I can work it in my budget.  Now all of a sudden
>she won't let me see my kids or talk to them on the phone.
>What should I do??? We never went to court for any type of
>visitations or custody like that .. Can I go pick them up at
>school then tell her I have them or is it against the law?? I
>live in New York State and any help would be great. Thanks
>Jeff

Legally speaking, since the two of you are married, you would be able to pick them up from school.  I really do suggest you talk to an attorney though, because you need to get custody and support set up through the courts.  And any money that you have given her could be deemed a gift.  

While it is great that you wanted to work it out between yourselves, it is no longer at the point where you are able to do that.  And those kids need to be able to spend time with you.