Kids property...

[catherine]

I've been on both sides.... and I can see them both too.

For a while whenever we sent the kids to BM's house she would keep all the clothes and toys and never send them back.  That was a real issue with the clothes because we can't afford to replace wardrobes so on her EOW we stopped sending clothes and figured she could dress them while they were there.

Now that my ss's are older, we let them take whatever they want except maybe a game system like Playstation but they can take mps players, toys, and handheld video games.  BM also moved States away so now I help them pack by saying, ok get me 7 underwear, 7 socks, 7 t-shirts, etc.... so they get to pick what they want to bring.

Unfortunatly not all of their stuff comes back (still!) but the kids are at least learning that if they aren't responsible to make sure it is in that bag, tough luck to them.  The kids are 13 and 9.  As a sidenote, I think BM "steals" some of my OSS's t-shirts to wear herself!!

In your case, she is just being stupid if there is no history of things left behind.  The kids do need to learn to be responsible.


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Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

[gemini3]

There have been a couple of instances of something being left behind, but it's been 2-3 times in 3 years, and it wasn't anything major.  Once it was a book, another time a sweater.  They only live 20 minutes from us, so if something gets left behind that they need, I can bring it to them or BM can pick it up.  And, they are here every weekend.  If they do leave something, they're back in five days and can get it.

Yes, the kids do need to learn to be responsible.  However, a six year old is only capable of so much.  In my opinion, it's up to the parents to make sure that they pack what they should until they're old enough to do it on their own.  I have no problem doing this.

I don't know a single person who's never lost anything.  Especially children.  Things get lost - it's a fact of life.  If it was a lot of stuff on a regular basis, I could see it being a problem.  But, in this case, it's not enough to be making such a big deal over.  I can see that in some cases this is necessry.  I had to stop sending them home with clothes that I bought because she would throw them away, and I can't afford to keep buying clothes like that.  So, yeah, I think in some cases it's unavoidable.  I just don't see this as being one of those cases.  

I also have an issue with her blaming it on me - saying that she's afraid things will get lost.  Things don't get lost, and if it's her decision she should be taking responsibility for it and not putting it on me.  This is what's causing the kids to think that if I would just talk to her she would change her mind.  She won't, because it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.

[Kitty C.]

BM used to make a list as well.....she gave that up a few years ago, thank God.  SS even told us that when he'd pack his bag, she'd empty it and repack it, just to make sure SHE knew what was in there.

The disgusting issue we had was when she used to send SS in all second-hand clothes.............from the skin out, literally.  And these clothes were ONLY for coming to our house, go figure.  When I saw SS's underwear had prices written on the tag, I went ballistic and tore them up.  It wouldn't have been so bad if she at least used bleach, but she never has.  She went off on DH when she found out what I did, but DH reminded her of their 'equal financial obligation' to SS and if she didn't have enough money to buy him new underwear, she wasn't spending the CS ethically.  It must have put the fear of God in her, because we never saw used underwear again.  Now that SS is 13, he'd pitch a fit if she tried to but second-hand clothes for him!

[wysiwyg]

it is so nutz what they do, we used to go get my SS and we would wait int he driveway and when BM came home she would flash her lights and beep her horn for us to back out of her 4 CAR DRIVEWAY, so she could get in.  THen she would drag my ss in by his hood of his coat, only to come out in an old ratted and torn coat - obviously not the one he went in the house with!

[FLMom]

>it is so nutz what they do, we used to go get my SS and we
>would wait int he driveway and when BM came home she would
>flash her lights and beep her horn for us to back out of her 4
>CAR DRIVEWAY, so she could get in.  THen she would drag my ss
>in by his hood of his coat, only to come out in an old ratted
>and torn coat - obviously not the one he went in the house
>with!


Oh geez. I had to laugh when I read this.

My ex's now ex wife used to do that when I'd go for pick-ups. Plenty of room to drive around me waiting in the driveway, yet she'd get right behind me and blare her horn. My husband and I gave her a nickname after that happened---"Beeper". As in, "Oops, better look out. Beeper might pull up!".

[MandoandJess]

My step-son is 6, and we live states away.  We always buy his clothes, and it's a little annoying.  His birth mom sends him every time with a huge suitcase and a couple of outfits, usually things we sent home with him the time before.  This last time she let him pack himself, that was interesting.  But if he returned to her with only what he came with, dear god we would never hear the end of it!