Frustrated Father.

[cjsdad]

My ex and I divorced in 2001 after which I joined the military and was stationed in another state. Since 2001 I can count on one hand how many times I have seen my son and talked with  him on the phone. At that time my ex was constantly moving and not reporting to me her whereabouts. My family and I would send gifts and letters to my son and they would all be returned. Every so often she would give me a call asking if I would be willing to sign away my rights so that her finace at the  time could adopt him of course I refused and requested to see my child to no avail. So, unfortunately I gave up.

In 2004 I got married and things were starting to look up for me with the exception of not having my son in my life. I received court documents requesting an increase in child support. I was excited because I was able to find out where my ex was living and could get the ball rolling in filing for visitation. By the way, our divorce degree says that visitation should be MUTUALLY agreed upon between both parties. Anyway, we went to court and I was awarded temporary visitation by telephone three days a week that eventually led to me meeting my son for the first time in about 5 years in 2005 (shortly after coming on from Iraq) after that visit the final order was in place stating the same thing with phone visits, but this time it was ordered that she and I work out a visitation plan to first take place in his state of residence and eventually leading him to come to the state where I reside.

In the beginning I talked with my son for hours nearly everday. Once school started they tapered off a little, but that was to be expected. Now she has moved to CT (we were got married and divorced in NY) I haven't talked to him in several months. I've emailed his mother, called her cell phone (he has his own) and she will seem as if she's ready to comply then disappear again. She's in law school studying to become a lawyer and she will use that against me claiming that she knows that law. I know that she has put doubt in our son's head about me. She and I argue constantly via email (when she decides to reply) and I'm tired of it. I just want to see my child. He's 8 now and I haven't seen him in 3 years and haven't talked to him in nearly a year.

I can't afford an attorney and I'm afraid to go at this alone, but I don't believe that I have other options. I live in KY and she lives in CT. I can't afford to drive there frequently to visit him for several days as I have a job. I have vacation days coming up in December and would like to use them to see my son.

I don't even know what questions to ask here. I'm just so upset and frustrated because I can't file contempt charges because she's not in NY anymore and CT says that I don't have a case because the final order says that the telephone visits say temporary. I don't know what to do.

How can it be that she is wrong yet no one will do anything about it?

[reagantrooper]

Your not alone!

I know its hard but you really need at all cost to move to CT or wherever she has your son, get your parenting time established per a court order.

To hell with this agreement stuff she has demostrated she could give a rats ass about your son by way of her keeping him from you. She has the power at the current time and you need to take it back from her. Once you get that in place she wont be able to move and take him from you on her whim.

Read, educate yourself, document everything, keep your cool and move to wherever she is with your son, beg borrow or steal the cash to hire a lawer to get this squared away now before its to late.

[cjsdad]

Relocating to CT isn't possible for many reasons. For one she isn't planning to remain there. I'm not sure where she is heading to next as she graduates in 2010. Two, I have a family that I will not continue to move from state to state in order to keep track of her. She moved out of state without my knowledge or permission so I will use that against her if I can.

I have a documented emails where she as agreed to allow me to see him or talk to him, but failed to do so. I'm looking up case laws as we speak so hopefully things will go in my favor. Unfortuantely moving everytime she does is not an option for me.

[rblzwife]

Relocating is a great idea in theory, but in reality, it isn't going to make a bitter person change their mind!  Obviously this woman can't stand you and loves hurting you more than she cares about what is really best for your son.  First, I would suggest that you play her "law" game with her.  You find out the law that governs your situation.  Since you were divorced in one state (NY?) contact legal aid or the NY Bar Association.  Give them the basic information... where you were married, divorced, currently living and ask them which state would have jurisdiction.  THEN, research their laws on Domestic Relations.  Find out what applies to your situation and use that.  I know getting a lawyer can be expensive, and IF you can, hire one.  If not, consult legal aid in your state.  They may be able to help you or they may be able to refer you to a pro bono project in your ex's state.  On many websites you can find legal forms.  Use them.  Also, from experience, file contempt charges for her denial of visitaion BEFORE you try to modify the existing order.  I am not a lawyer, but I am learing a lot from dealing with crappy courts, lawyers, and horrible ex's.  I would love to help you more if you need.

[BecauseIJustDid]

I think you need to print out everything u have and record convos with BM. Take it all to court and get an appropriate visitation schedule.

[justiceforall]

So, you reside in KY and she resides in CT with the child, but the CO is from NY, correct? 

If so, how long has she resided in CT?  How long have you resided in KY?