Child taking new last name

[oklahoma]

Why are so many of you concerned about this father not wanting his child to have some other man's name?  I'm sure he has his reasons.

There have been some valid points for changing the name made.  However, why would BM be so set on changing the child's name to her soon-to-be husband's?  Answer: One step closer in removing real dad from the picture by replacing him with another dad.  Even if the child does not have SND's name now, it is the name of someone (BM) with whom he at one point had a relationship--not some unknown person coming into his child's life.  SF will have a strong enough influence--as all you stepparents know--without also having to give his name.

Of course, that said, I have to admit I am also on the side of the debate that says stepparents should not be called "mom" or "dad," especially when biological mother or father are around and trying to maintain a strong relationship.  Names and titles are big things.

[MYSONSDAD]

I am with you on this one...

'children learn what they live'

[joni]

As a SM who, with my DH, fight every day to stay in the life of my husband's daughter, I also agree about the child not taking the new stepfather's last name.  It is a step towards removing the bio dad from the picture and giving the first impression to people that this child is the step dad's based on presumption.

[doood]

i'm with the new guy...
i've been trying to be involved with my son since before he was born. bm chose to give him her last name. last month she married and moved out of state (notifying the courts two weeks later) and if she wants to change his name to her new hubby's i wanna step in have him take my name.

[doood]

singleNEBdad - tone it down dude.... it is impossible to give definite answers based on your first post, because laws vary from state to state and county to county... you specified neither, therefore, there is no way ANYONE, even a lawyer, could give you a definite answer.

[tulip]

In my state (I don't know about other ones) neither parent can change the child's name w/o the consent of the other parent. My daughter wanted to take my dh's name before she started school because she wanted to have the same last name as her brothers and sisters that have gone to her school and will go to the same school as her. Her "father" has never tried to be an active force in her life, has never gone to one of her school conferences or dance recitals, doesn't even know where her school is.
The first time I asked him about changing her name, he said no. He eventually agreed. I have never tried to push him out of her life, or keep him from her. He walked away from her, and walks in and out of her life as he pleases. I am very thankful that she doesn't have to go through school explaining to every kid that asks why she doesn't have the same last name as her parents that she has the name of the father she never sees.