stepmoms....

[skye]

I found this post on another parenting site called Parenting Planet.  I don't know who wrote it, where it came from, or when it was written



Stepmoms try harder.  Don't get me wrong - Moms have a very hard job, but stepmoms try harder.  They have to.  Moms have built-in respect - they can say "Because I'm the MOM, that's why!"  Try getting respect by saying "Because I'm the STEPMOM, that's why!"  Just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know what I mean?  (I won't even get into "Because I am one of the adult parental figures in this household, that's why!" - just rest assured, even before they roll their eyes at you, you'll feel pretty darn silly.)  Moms can say "No matter what you think, Young Man, you ain't too big for a whupping yet."  What can we say that equals that?  "Young Man, six hours from now, when your dad gets home from work, I'll be telling him you ain't too big for a whupping?"  Nice try, but no cigar - just doesn't carry the same effect.  
 
Stepmoms try harder.  How many of you remember being young - high school/college age - sitting around with your girlfriends, talking about the kids you'd have one day?  How many of you ever said "Boy, I just can't wait until the day when I get married to a man with kids and an ex-wife that hates my guts simply because I breathe air and I have to deal with her every other weekend?"  If you're like me, that never came up in those late night girl chats!  But we've all opened our hearts to our stepkids, even though half of their chromosones came from a women that at best we tolerate, and at worst we hate.  We see things in these kids that remind us of their mothers - sometimes even remind us of why we dislike their mothers - yet we still keep loving them, looking out for them, giving them chances.  Stepmoms have pretty big hearts.
 
Stepmoms try harder.  When things are going good, and everyone is happy, the biological parents get the credit.  Ever spent an hour at Wal-Mart analyzing all the eyeshadow options so that you can pick out exactly the right shade for your stepdaughter to wear with her new blouse on her date Friday night, only to hear, "Dad, you are so cool!  This is perfect!"  When things aren't so great, we get the blame.  "Dad wasn't this mean until you moved in!" - that's something a biological mother will never have to hear. The bond between a child and a parent is one of the strongest on earth - stepmoms with biological kids know this, and those without understand it also.  Oftentimes we willingly assume the scapegoat role, for the sake of our stepkids, so that they can grow up believing that their parents are good people and good parents.  We're not out to score points - the game is rigged and we know it - the bio parents won before we even entered the round.  We do this because we are good people, because we know in our hearts that applause and compliments are fleeting - we've found it in our hearts to put our stepkids' well-being before our own.  We like to see them happy, and don't care that much who gets the credit - as long as they are happy.
 
Stepmoms try harder.  We know that we have no legal or biological ties to our stepkids.  We know the world we live in - we know about no-fault divorce laws.  We know that one day we may not be part of our stepkids' lives, yet we still go out there every day and give it our best, with no guarantee for what the future will hold.  We forge relationships that we know can be severed at any time, and we all know we have no power to hold on to these children if our marriages to their fathers do not work.  Moms don't have to worry about that - it takes an active decision to stop legally being a mother - stepmoms don't have that option - our partners have control over that - we only have a passive role in the legal system when it comes to contact with our stepkids after divorce.  Yet we don't hold back - we love these kids as if they were are own - we love them and give them a place in our hearts that they can call their own forever - even though we know that might not be the case.
 
Being a stepmom sucks!  There's little or no payoff, it's the opposite of all our plans, there is no guarantee of success, it's a constant struggle to earn respect and love at the same time - why would anyone choose this path?  It makes no sense to me.  Yet we're all here making the effort, and we'll be back again tomorrow doing just the same.  Our circumstances are all different - some of us have harder roads to travel than others do - but we're all making the same journey.  I don't know how I do it some days - and trust me, I have it so much easier than most of you - and still, being a stepmom is the hardest task I have ever undertaken - if I want to give up at times, I can just imagine what some of you must feel, even on your good days!  
 
Take a moment to pat yourselves on the back, Ladies - being a stepmom is a tough job - I don't see anyone volunteering for it as their first choice, do you?  We fill a very important role - and we do it well!  

[nosonew]

That was great, thanks for sharing!

[grafxgrl]

nm

[cozicare]

This was posted here awhile back and I copied it and am hanging on to it to show my step-son when he gets older.  He is 14 now.  This is a great, great testament to us step-moms.  Thanks for posting it once again !!!  We all need to be reminded how wonderful we are what a challenge we have.

[wendl]

Skye,
Thanks for sharing that, it is soooo true. I am going to print out to show my stepmom she is a lucky woman. Even though my father has passed away my stepmom has and will always be a special part of my life and my childrens lives.

:)

[mandi]

Skye,
  Thanks for that post.  I printed it out and I am going to show it to my hubby and probably to my SD when she gets old enough to read it.  Maybe one day our step childern will realize just how much they mean to us.  Thanks again for the post.
*~Mandi~*

[mandi]

I forgot to add the mothers as well.  Maybe they will realize how much their childern mean to us as well, (but i will not hold my breathe).
*~Mandi~*:7

[sweetnsad]

How true this is!  I forwarded this to a couple of my friends who are also step moms....they wholeheartedly agreed that it makes alot of sense...Thanks for finding it and posting it.

[Kitty C.]

I'm seriously tempted to send this to the PBFH anonymously, something I've done in the past.  Definitely saw a change in her behavior the last time!

[mango]

How do you send an e-mail anonymously? Just curious. Incase I need to someday.