Name Change

[Kitty C.]

Thanks for the clarification, mango and myangel...I had a feeling things could have changed, but I was going on what I last knew to be true.

And I agree with you 100% mango.........let it go.....then they become adults, they can do whatever they want.

My SIL's daughter from her first marriage, hates her dad, basically he considered CS only a 'bill', played favorites between her and her brother, and basically thumbed his nose at his kids.  He's still doing it to my nephew.  My nephew has a baby girl who's POS BM went PBFH on him, and is making it damn difficult for him to see her.  BUT his dad apparently sees her often and doesn't hesitate to tell his son about it.  heaven help the guy if we ever cross paths.......

That being said, my niece wanted to change her name to my brother's back in HS 10 years ago.  And my nephew, who has found a WONDERFUL lady, has a 4 month old baby boy, and plans to get married, has made it know that when they DO get married, he is taking HER name, instead of vise versa.

Names are a part of identity.  JMO, but screwing with a child's name messes with their identity and creates an atmosphere of insecurity.  Even our PBFH tried to mess with SS's (not legally, just with his head) , using her new DH's name as SS's last.  Apparently SS thought that since her name changed when she got married, his would to, and she NEVER corrected him!  When DH found out, he blew his stack and SS cried...she had screwed with it so much, he didn't know WHO he belonged to!

[Kitty C.]

Given what myangels said above, I would think that unless the BM agrees to it, he's SOL until he's 14.

Is DH's name on the BC?  That would help with the basis for reasoning.  But if he has to wait until he's 14, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

But I bet there'd be a BIG party over your way about that time...you think????     ;-)

[stepmom74]

I agree that a child's name is a part of their identity.  Why is it then that so many mother's out there don't feel that a father that has a very active role in their child's life shouldn't have a say in the child's last name.  In my case, there was no reason other than spite that she didn't give her child her father's name.  She has her mother's maiden name and so basically she doesn't have either parents name.

I can perfectly understand why mother's do that if the father is a dead-beat but my husband was at the birth and has seen her every other weekend and holiday since she was born.  He has also never missed a child support payment.  He is on the birth certificate now so I see no reason why the courts wouldn't want her to have his name.

I just wish that some mother's would realize that when they marry or remarry that it will affect the child by not having a parent's name.  Kids have enough to deal with when it comes to ridicule in school.  Don't you think they get teased when they don't have either of their parent's names?

Just a vent....  I just don't think it's fair to kids who can't decide for themselves.

stepmom74

[Stepmom0418]

I agree with you!! My ss has his moms maiden name and wants to know why he cant have the same name as his dad and brother and sister! Its hard and it sucks! BM has even went as far as to tell SS that he could change his last name to her present boyfriends last name! Over my DH's dead body that will happen and thats a promise!!

I dont know what mothers are thinking by not giving their children their fathers name! I am a mother of 4 children and there is 2 fathers. Each of my children have their daddys last name! To me it is just the right thing to do!

[MyAngels4]

When I got remarried my boys both thought that they could change their names to my new name, but I had to explain that they wouldnt be doing it. My Dh adopted my oldest son since then, and my oldest son wanted his name to be changed to Jr, or III, so that is why my youngest still wants to change his name. His Dad would never allow it to happen, but I have about given up on explaining why he cant , and just tell him he can do what he wants when he is older. He is so funny tho, some days he says he wants to change it to names like "spiderman" or "Bat Man".
 
>I just wish that some mother's would realize that when they
>marry or remarry that it will affect the child by not having a
>parent's name.  Kids have enough to deal with when it comes to
>ridicule in school.  Don't you think they get teased when they
>don't have either of their parent's names?


Myangels4
 

[chipmunk226]

Yes, he does have visitation, and does see him regularly, but I think it is because I take him.  I live in MD and his father is in PA.  I think if he had to come pick him up, he would see him a lot less often.

 I just wanted to know because he know that Mommy and his "bonus" Daddy, have the same last name...and when we have children, so will they.  So he will be the only Smith in the Jones family.  I just think it would be easier on him growing up feeling like he is identifed as a Jones.  

Not that I would love him any different or it would make him less part of the family, but to everyone else, they may inadvertantly hurt him by assuming that he isn't mine, or part of the family because of a different last name.  Let's face it, most people are identified by their last name, and not their first.  We don't say President George do we?

~EvaCollette

[mango]

Personally, I think the kids should just accept what name was given at time of birth, and change at will later. I don't think it matters that much really. So many kids today have different last names then other kids at school. It's who they are inside and how they feel about the parents that matter.

[MyAngels4]

ITA

[txblonde]

You could have your husband adopt your child.  This would relieve the biofather of all child support obligation and he would lose all rights to the child.  If you and your husband divorce, your husband would be responsible for child support.  The adoption would give the child the name change you desire.

[joni]

Why are you creating this stigma?  The child is 5 years old.  If you maintain respect for your child's father and teach your child to be proud of this name....this should be a none issue.

The US is one of the only countries where the woman bears her husband's name as a standard....about 60% of relationships.  I kept my maiden name in marriage, I wanted to maintain my ethnicity and carry on my family name.  My son has his father's last name although I'm married to his father.

Kids ask lots of questions and have tons of insecurities, I think as parents, they turn to us to see how we react to situations and for strength.  If our reaction is that of respect and dignity, the opportunity for lack of esteem is all but eliminated.

Eva, I anticipate my son will NEVER be ashamed that I have a different last name than my son and his father.  Because I will teach him to not be ashamed.  You son is not alone with his last name, he shares that name with his father.  TEACH HIM to be proud of that.

God bless your child for having a bonus daddy who will be a big influence in his life.  That should be enough of an honor for his bonus daddy.  Changing your son's name, IMO, is just an ego trip.  It's also setting a precent for shame and disrespect  in your blended family.