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Merry Christmas vent

Started by oklahoma, Dec 26, 2005, 12:30:09 AM

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Merry Christmas to all the NCPs and their families.  Seems like an impossibility really.  We have never had a truly 100% Merry Christmas--just do the best we can, but there is always hanging there in the background the fact that once again my SDs are not there, and have not called or sent a letter, or anything.

This year we did get letters from SDs.  I forgot to pick up the mail yesterday, so I ran out today to check for Christmas cards....  There in the pile was an envelope addressed by BM.  The letters were written a few weeks ago, but not mailed until 12/22--gotta' get the good news there by Christmas.  SDs (ages 11 and 13) called my husband a liar, accused him of threatening them, said that our letters were making them "sob" and they just want to be happy at home so stop sending letters.

First of all, my husband has had no communication with his daughters since March--not without his trying to do so--so not sure how he could lie to and threaten them.  (In March, they asked to live with us, he said OK, they changed their minds and went home with BM and we haven't seen them since.)  Secondly, the only letters we have sent were short, cheerful updates of the family--not sure how that can make them unhappy.  And as of the end of July, they had not received any letters, packages, phone messages. (I was able to get through on the phone then, our number has been blocked since.)  Not sure when they started getting the letters, which letters they got, or what BM did to twist the letters.

Sorry this is going long, but receiving the letters just makes everything else bubble to the surface....  We called an attorney in September to take care of this and he has done nothing--but conveniently in the mail I picked up today there was also a bill from him.

We requested school records (using the same basic form letter found on SPARC), and received incomplete copies of the records, report cards, and nothing else in 4 months--I seem to recall taking a lot of papers home from school with me at the age....

We requested counseling records in September. The counseling place sent different forms to sign to release records, which we returned immediately; someone called in November asking which records we wanted; I called back a few weeks later because we hadn't received anything and was told someone would call me back.  No more phone calls, and still no records. (By the way, we have tried to get the attorney to get the records as well, not happening....)  We are pretty certain that the girls are back in counseling at the place where this whole mess started over 3 years ago.  Really a lot of the blame for the mess lies there too.  The original counselor testified in court that there was no way SDs were lying; when we received the records (after the hearing--yes, we had a crappy lawyer then too), the counselor's notes indicated that OSD admitted to lying about "incidents of abuse."  (That hearing led to my husband losing his parenting time, an order of joint counseling, and then supervised visits, with the ultimate goal being to restore normal parenting time.  The court order was so vague and poorly written, that it pretty much left everything up to BM.)

A few weeks ago, CSE sent a letter saying that my husband's license was suspended, with no other prior notice, and despite the fact that we have made payments.  Called the attorney about that too--said over a week ago it would be no problem to take care of.  But as of Friday they had not done anything, and had lost the copy of the CSE letter I had faxed over.  We found out Thursday the suspension was in effect 12:01 am Christmas morning.  Not sure if the attorney took care of it the Friday afternoon before Christmas Eve....  If the suspension was not stopped, it's another $75 out of our pockets to reinstate the license--because the DMV will NOT ever admit to a mistake and waive the fee, not ever, ever.

We are two hours away from SDs, attorney, school, and counseling center.  Not too far, but we are on a student budget!!  Financial aid doesn't come in for a few more weeks....  We can't afford driving back and forth.  We can't afford an attorney.  We can't afford child support.  And yet we have to for two little girls who don't even want it.  (Well, they do want the child support--BM told them last time they were in counseling that Dad didn't pay and they were very upset.  I want them to see the invoice saying "Amount Previously Paid: $46,490" and counting!!)

I guess the only bright side of this is that my husband is on Christmas Break from law school, no job, lots of time and some resources to hopefully get things moving on all sides.  It will be good (on our marriage) to have him busy, outside of the house :)


This story breaks my heart. I prayed for your family to have a better 2006 than 2005 and for your family to be reunited, for the girls to receive clarity to see what's going on and to feel their father's love again.

I also pray that as a custodial parent and step-parent I will never become that vindictive to use my children as weapons of my grudges.

Have a blessed new year.