Court next month...please help!

[b1798]

I am new to this forum thing so I will try to be brief...
I am the new stepmother (SM) of an 18month old little girl.

How it all began....
A one night stand, then I met my fiance two weeks later.
We found out together two months later she was pregnant, we knew her reputation so he told her that when the baby was born he would pay for a DNA test, which is exactly what we did. She was his so they tried to reach an agreement. I think the BM thought it was going to be easy b/c he has never gone through this before. She drew up these papers saying she had sole legal and primary physical custody and told him his CS would be $875 a month. Well we may not know much but I knwo that my fiance is only a construction worker and could never afford that. So we offered her free daycare (through his mom who did daycare) and $400 a month. She said no this went back and forth and finally around thanksgiving we told her after the holidays  we would get attorneys. She filed and we counter filed. We did the mediation thing and there is was no compromising we were asking for everyother weekend until MOnday morning and every Wednesday night. In MD that puts you over the # of days needed to have shared physical custody so she gave us everything but the everyother Sunday night. We had this lawyer who talked us into signing a pendnte lite agreement without the Sunday nights and he told us just to wait till the trial and we would get the Sunday nights (we signed this in late Oct. and the trial is next month so its about 5 1/2 months) Our lives have been completely governed she took the whole sole custody thing to a new level. We didnt even uderstand what it was until we started getting our "strikes". Anyway I would love to tell everything but I am sure everyone has heard it and been through it. I am trying to be supportive, but I feel like my feelings are being forgotten about. I stayed with my fiance through all this and I know he loves me, we are to be married in June. But I am 23 and I just finished college I dont know how to comfort him. In all honesty his daughter is his life and I come second. Which i was jealous about at first but now i feel really lucky to know that he will love our kids that much. I guess my question is what are our chances of getting more time with her???? we dont have records, we are pretty normal I guess we just dont want to fight anymore.  I am afraid to become to attached to her b/c if something ever happened to him I know I dont have any rights.  We just want more time what are our chances???We live in MD

PS Are there any support groups out there for step-parents, I am not good at expressing my self in person so are there any online groups?

[davisjames]

I don't know of any support groups but I can offer you my email address.  I have been the step-mom for 3 years now.  I have been through all the original struggles and still to this day continue to have feelings of jealousy and hurt when the SD is put first. This does happen still.  I have come up with a few tricks to help me work through these things and to get my hubby to see my point of view.  We started out as every other weekend parents and are now full time custodial parents so I may be able to help in that area to.  Feel free to e-mail me at any time with any questions or just to vent....That helps sometimes to.  My e-mail address is [email protected].  I will let you know if I come up with any support groups that could help also.

[b1798]

That will come in really handy...we actually have the pretrial today so I am not sure what is supposed to happen there but I will keep you posted when I return. Are you in MD?

[ocean]

Hi,
Welcome...You can post of these boards with questions and concerns. There are many of us that have been on these boards for many years so post away!! I will tell you that I was young too when SD came into my life and it is going to be apart of your life every day/week. I do not want to scare you but you will be dealing with the BM for the next 18 plus years. Sometimes you just have to step back and let your finace deal with it and you just support him. Good luck!!!

[Sunshine1]

when I got myself into this?  LOL.  I was fooled though.  BM and I got along and co-parented for lack of a better word.  The boys had 2 moms, but today we have restraining orders and police reports..oyveh!  I only got 10 more years to go of her crap!

I don't know what I would do without all the drama..I would seriously be extremely bored. :)  I wouldn't have it any other way!

[mishelle2]

Hello, I have been a step mom of 2 with 2 seperate moms, one from his high school girlfriend and one from a one night stand in college, we have been together since he got the second one pregnant, but we didnt find out until 4 years later!!! We have 3 girls together, and I am ok with him putting all the kids first. I have been there step mom for 12 years.. sooo.. Im a veteran I suppose, I still dont care for the mothers or the games they play and I hate the attorney bill we have.. but all in all Its worth it. the only advice I have is dont let someone else determine your outcome. (in other words do not allow the ex to destroy who you are as a person.) Love that child with all your heart and support your fiance.. and hire an attorney that would agree with you and fight for you even if you said the sky is green!!!
YOu are more than welcome to email me too..

good luck

[wendl]

I am a custodial mom and have been a stepmom for almost 4yrs I have been with my dh for almost 6yrs now.

Welcome to hell. Just kidding,

Feel free to post here many of us have gone or are going thru this bs.

Just be their for your Dh, DO NOT let this woman between the two of you.

Document Document and keep your head up.

Come ask advise, vent cry we are all here for everyone.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**