Counseling

[dipper]

SS was court ordered to counseling in January.  This was to go through the GAL, but BM chose the person and began taking ss in February - only telling dh after the fact and only the center, not the provider.  She refused to give dh any info.  We got the notes and no wonder...she was badmouthing dh and I, including blaming our marriage as the trigger for ss' bad behaviors.

WE wrote the counselor and even asked for an amendment to his notes.  WE gave our phone# and the best times he can reach dh....nothing.  So, now ss is on medication but bm doesnt send them on weekends.  We wrote to counselor requesting info on meds and asked that we be sent an appt card from now on.

Well, last week ss went and counselor and bm made an appt for dh for June according to ss.  Counselor told ss that he was going to call dh.....has not did so.

SS has not had one solo session.  His mom is in there the entire time...and he is asked about where he wants to live and why.  Now, the judge ordered counseling due to ss' behaviors of getting in trouble at school so much.....

It appears that bm is using the sessions to vent her frustrations with dh...her anger.   Also, the counselor is a licensed clinical social worker.  Last year i was told by a top psychologist not to take ss to a social worker.....he needed more help than that.

The judge said recently that ss should keep going to the counselor, however, we are going to change counselors.  Keeping that one would mean that ss and us woudl have to travel 4 hours round trip for sessions.......which is crazy.......

I am very frustrated with the counselor, but I guess it would be best not to say anything...just try to get it changed to one around here..which I called today, but no one was in....

[lawless]

I don't know the situation about why there is a GAL, etc. but I do know that it is important to remember that GALs talk to the child's counselors, past and present.  If you burn a bridge with the previous counselor, it can hurt you in court.  We have had some bad experiences with counselors.  It helps to remember that it is not their job to parent or give advice to a child, just to help him feel "heard".  The counselors tell us that the "facts" don't matter, just the child's perception and feelings.  We have hoped that the couselors would help guide our teenage girls to do the right thing but they do not give them advice, just listen.  My opinion is that this is very valuable to the child when they have parents who are guiding them at the same time.  If they do not as in our situation (girls refuse to visit or communicate with Dad and me (stepmom) and Mom is a non-parent) I feel that it is extremely disappointing and perhaps dangerous.  My advice is to change counselors because of the driving time but don't expect the counselor to give much advice or guidance.  No expectations, no disappointment.... Lawless

[4honor]

start looking into counselors near your home. No Judge or GAL is going to insist that SS keep going to the counselor near BM's home with that kind of distance involved.

I know it takes several months sometimes to get a  child into a good reputable psychiatrist or psychologist. Either whould do OK for SS, but he will need a psychiatrist to oversee for any medications.

Get it all set up for when SS comes to stay. It will take about that long to get it put into place anyway.

[dipper]

SS is court ordered into counseling because of his behaviors in school, and due to those he has two minor criminal charges against him.  SS is ADHD, and bm let it go untreated for two years despite his increasingly bad behaviors.  

Our problem with the counselor is that bm is there...he doesnt have any private time with ss....so, she sats there and unloads her problems (concerning dh)...and then in front of her...this counselor asks ss about where he wants to live, etc.  That is not why the judge ordered counseling....And ss cannot feel comfortable with her setting there thoug he has told her numerous times where he wants to live.

I did however, get him an appt. with a local psychologist today.

[dipper]

I got ss in with a local psychologist - he will go to him on June 30th.  He is a PhD as well - so can he write prescriptions as well?

I am really excited about ss getting to go to him as I liked him when I took my daughter years ago and my daughter as shy as she is thought he was the bomb....I think he and ss will be able to communicate well...

That is what I am hoping that a judge will not insist that we take 4-5 hours off of work and ss out of school every two weeks to take him to a licensed clinical social worker 94 miles away!!!

[lawless]

That is good news about the local psychologist!  Especially one that you like.  No, he cannot write prescriptions unless his is a psychiatrist which is an MD.  PhD just means that he has done research and earned a doctorate for that (which is a good thing too!).  Usually, the psychologist has a relationship with a psychiatrist who your ss will only see very briefly and occasionally for med adjustment.  This has been my experience as a pharmacist who has worked in this area.  Congrats on a positive step forward!
Lawless

[skye]

I cant offer much help but We are going through the same situation...sending thoughts your way