Contact with daughter vs. Upset Current Partner

[JB27]

I separated from my wife about 18 months ago and will soon be divorced. My girlfriend has a terrible time dealing with the contact I have with my daughter (usually every other weekend), and wants me to cut down the amount of contact. It sounds like she's being really harsh, but I do appreciate that it's difficult for her to have OUR time taken up by my daughter. She is also expecting (currently in the 8th week) so there's a certain amount of hormonal imbalance leading to mood swings there, but the jealousy was there before she became pregnant.

Anyone had similar experiences? Do I have too much contact and should it reduce once my girlfriend and I have our own children?

Help.

[Droogle]

You are your daughter's father along with the new baby.  Your daughter shouldn't suffer because of your divorce nor should she suffer because your girlfriend can't share you.  I have been a custodial stepmom since my SD was 2yo.  She is now 12.  Her mother walked away from her when she was 4.  

My husband once told me no one would come before his daughter.  He still puts the children first my sd, our son and my 2yo little cousin that we have custody of.  

As a person who is a second wife I knew going into this that my DH had a child.  I never asked him to give up what little time he had with her because of me.  Yes you have very little time with your daughter.  4 days a month is nothing with your child.  

I hope that your girlfriend can realize that even though she is not your wife or the child't mother she should enjoy the time you have with her.  Sadly all I can see in your future as it stands is 2 unhappy children and a lot of unhappiness in your life.  No one should be told to chose between them and the child.  Doesn't work that way.  This is just my opinion.  

[taylor1985]

i am currently in her situation and i think that she is being a little ridiculious. i know that it is hard, but she has to realize, as i did, that your daughter is an important part in your life. one way you could make it better is to spend time with them together. you need to spend time with your daughter alone as well but include your girlfriend in the things that you do with your daughter. that is my biggest probalm with my boyfirend is that he doesn't include me in time he spends with his son. whatever you do though, do not cut the amount of time you spend with your daughter. she will always remember it and probably end up resenting your girlfriend for taking you away.

[dipper]

This is your daughter!  This other adult in your life is jealous of you spending four days a month with your daughter!  

For you to ask if you have too much time with your child is absolutely maddening to me.  It devastated my dh when his ex moved two hours away, ending his shared time with his son.  

Dont worry about your gf..she's a big girl and you can live without her - hey, you are living without your ex arent you?  Think about your little girl and if you truly love her and how she would feel if daddy wont see her because he has a new life and new woman in his life.

Being a parent means the child is your responsibility....

[Ref]

It seems really selfish of her to take away a child's time with her dad. This is not a good indication of her parenting skills and of your happiness together. If she wasn't pregnant, I would say to run like hell. Because she is, I would recommend couple's counseling and possibly a parenting class for you both (make sure it is a co-parenting class that maybe will give her some insight on what you and your daughter are going through).

Good luck
Ref

[wysiwyg]

Your GF sounds immature and selfish, sorry but this is as I see it.  She will have a harsh dose of reality once this new child is born.  I would say that her jeanousy is a predicnet for waht is to come with this new child and I would go to therapy now so that she can learn to cope or the children adn you will be the losers in this relationship.  You NEVER give up time with your child because some one else demands it, the demands will only increase in the future and all will suffer unless she learns to cope with being an adult.  

Sorry if I trampled your feelings, this is how I see it, is only my opinion and hope that all third person replies here will help you to see some things that perhaps you have not yet seen and you can learn to deal with them for your children and yourself.

[Jade]

>I separated from my wife about 18 months ago and will soon be
>divorced. My girlfriend has a terrible time dealing with the
>contact I have with my daughter (usually every other weekend),
>and wants me to cut down the amount of contact. It sounds like
>she's being really harsh, but I do appreciate that it's
>difficult for her to have OUR time taken up by my daughter.
>She is also expecting (currently in the 8th week) so there's a
>certain amount of hormonal imbalance leading to mood swings
>there, but the jealousy was there before she became pregnant.
>
>Anyone had similar experiences? Do I have too much contact and
>should it reduce once my girlfriend and I have our own
>children?
>
>Help.

You have a child that you do not have custody of and you are asking if you have too much contact simply because your girlfriend is an idiot?  

It's kind of too late to tell her to take a hike since she is now pregnant, but it's not to late to tell her that you will not stop being a father to your child.  And you will not reduce what contact you have with your child.  

You may also want to be prepared for your girlfriend using the baby she is pregnant with to get you to stop  being a father to your child.  It wouldn't surprise me if she were to threaten to move away and never let you see the one she is carrying.  

Please stand up for your daughter and stand up to your bully of a girlfriend.  

[wendl]

Well I am a second wife and a cp mom, I am sorry but your child comes 1st, my child comes 1st as do my stepkids thm my dh.

And when you only have your child on weekends that is not enough time, she really needs to think about it, hell how would she like it if that was her child, she will learn, but NO WAY give up your time with your daughter cuz it takes away her time with you, what about her taking time away from your daughter, that is just wrong.

As adults we need to learn to deal with it, especially being a g/f or stepparent.

Maybe their is something you can all do together, I know when dh and I 1st got together it was a big adjustment for all of us, my son, his two boys and us, we planned family things to do together.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[dsm]

And you need to stand up for your relationship with your daughter.

You cannot just throw away the time you have because your girlfriend is insecure.  That is her issue and hers to fix.  EOW already is bare-minimum time for you to have with your daughter.  How are you supposed to cut that down further?  Think of your daughter in this.  

And also think of the baby on the way - your daughter will be a big sister and should be able to know and interact with the new one.  And your girlfriend needs to deal with it.  You should be a package deal with your daughter as part of it!

Good luck.

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dsm - 36; DH - 39; SD - 17; LO - 10; BB - 3
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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[gemini3]

There are a several things that concern me here.  The first is that you seem to validate your girlfriends jealosy of your daughter.  The second is that you have chosen to have children with someone when you aren't even divorced yet.  The third is that you appear to think that your responsibility as a father is somehow connected to whether or not your married to your daughters mother.  And finally, that you used the old "hormonal imbalance" excuse.  Please.

Why would you reduce your contact with your daughter once you and your girlfriend have a baby?  Is she somehow less important because there's a new baby around?  Is she no longer your daughter now that you have a new child and a new relationship?  I'm sorry, but that's just sad.  

I feel so bad for your daughter to have to experience this.  Imagine how it must make her feel to know that her father has chosen a girlfriend over her.  What kind of message will it send to her if you further reduce contact with her because you had another baby?

I think you all need to get into counseling as quickly as you can.  Your girlfriend should be getting to know and love your daughter, not competing with her.  Is she going to be jealous of the affection you show to the new baby as well?  You should be sticking up for your daughter.  You're her father, it's your JOB to protect her.  

Like some other people have said, if she wasn't pregnant I'd say run like hell.  I hope that your girlfriend wakes up to what she's doing, or you may end up with two ex-wives.